Ranch House Crock Pot Pork Chops

0 Posted by - March 3, 2012 - Food & Drink

I like to tell people I’m efficient, but that translates loosely to, “I’m a lazy motherfucker.” Crock pot dishes (no matter how unappetizing they may look) appeal to me mostly because they involve buying a cheap slab of meat, opening cans, and chucking it all in the crock pot to cook all day. Imagine my glee when I found a recipe that was not only the easiest thing ever, but also appeared to be kind of pretty to look at.

The recipe was simple enough even for me: throw some pork chops, a packet of ranch dressing powder, and a 10 oz can of cream of chicken soup in the crock pot. The end. Even I could not mess this up. And I didn’t. I swear. I followed the directions exactly.

Here’s what I came home to.

Weird pinkish pork chops crying out for mercy in a tiny, pitiful puddle of mostly burned gravy. I almost threw in the towel right here, scraped it out of the crock pot, and cried uncle.

But I was hungry.

I’ll tell you, my dining experience was not great. Not only was there very little gravy, but the pork chops were reeeeally dry. You guys, I promise I followed the recipe. I promise. I didn’t even fuck this one up on purpose, for real, but that shit nasty. Good thing I didn’t have my family over or something. It  would have been the Griswold family Christmas dinner except with pork chops.

(“I don’t know about the cat, but I sure am enjoying it!”)

You might want to think twice before coming over to my house for dinner, even if the recipe only involves three ingredients and one step. Just a word to the wise.

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  • http://www.sarracannon.com Sarra Cannon

    Oh my god, this is too funny. This sounds like me in the kitchen, no joke. I can’t cook for anything. I guess I will be skipping this recipe!

    • Pintester

      It’s possible (though improbable) that the problem is with me, and not the recipe. I know it’s hard to believe, but I’ve been known to mess up a perfectly good recipe… from time to time.

  • Stacy Caldwell

    I think you just let it cook too long in the crock pot. You should try and make them again on a day that you will be home all day so you can watch them and see exactly how long they need to cook. I have found that my crock pot recipies always take less time than the directions say, and some stuff does not get better the longer you cook it :) I think only something that has lots of liquid in it can be left in the crock pot all day. Better luck next time :)

    • Pintester

      Thanks, Stacy, but I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead with this one. Actually, scratch that, it’s too late. I can only quit while I suck. But still. I quit.

  • http://gardenofdiscovery.blogspot.com/ Patty Hicks

    Laughing so hard it’s hard to type….LOL Gotta share this one.

    • Pintester

      Please do spread the word. Don’t try this at home.

      • merrymac

        Oh, Lordy! This reminded me of some of my more spectacular failures. Actually, I saw this recipe on Pinterest and pinned it. Thank you, Pintester, for saving me from the awful pinkness. Keep up the good work!

        • Pintester

          Glad to be of service.

  • http://urthalun.com/ Julie

    THERE you are! I’ve missed you so. And this new place is SO FUCKING COOL. (I like that we can be ourselves here, that’s a bonus.)

    Just read your archives. You know me, still the OCD goddess. I don’t “pin” Dearest, but I am going to follow you through these amazing adventures nonetheless (isn’t there a space in that thing someplace?) so watch for me, cheering you on.

    • Pintester

      Thanks Julie!

  • http://www.wtfpinterest.com Allison

    I’m cannot move past the pink color. WTF?

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  • Larraine

    My friend who is an awesome cook made this from the Pintetest recipe and said it was amazing. I am not a good cook but it looked easy. The first time I made it I used bone in chops and after putting in one can of soup knew that it looked very wrong. I called my friend she said u need 2 cans of soup and 2 packets ranch dressing hidden valley. People have made the mistake of using ranch DIP mix by mistake which comes out terrible. Yo have to mix the ranch w the soup then pour it on After adding the correct stuff this came out so good. The gravy was amazing. The pork chops falling apart tender. But there were prices of bone in the sauce. Yuck. Learned my lesson on that one. Also I did not like to have chunks of chicken in with pork chops it was a little strange. I remade it using cream of mushroom soup and boneless chops and it was very good. Definitely need potatoes or rice for the extra gravy.

  • Faith

    I tried this recipe and my family LOVED it!! It was very simple and I would recommend mixing the ingredients together in a small bowl and then pouring over the meat in the crockpot. It worked great for me and we eat it at least once a month at my house.

  • Kim

    Hilarious. I’m sorry, but I think it is INDEED you! I have made this several times, and it it FABULOUS and mine looks like the picture. Sorry! :)

  • Marie

    I actually have this one pinned but I haven’t tried it yet. I noticed that my slow cooker cooks WAYYYYY faster then the old school ones. I remember when we were kids my mom worked full time & would throw some stuff together & 10 hours later it was perfect! I swear ever since they added the Low/High feature they messed them up because I completely burned a pork roast to a crisp on accident when I decided to leave for a few hours……BIG MISTAKE!! I tend to cut the cooking time in have & cook on low now days.

  • mindy

    Bahahaha… you did something just WRONG, hun… lolol.. I love your blog.. but this is a cake recipe. Did you have it on high for longer than 4 or 5 hours?? Next time remember.. low for 6-8, or High for 4-5. Keep it covered.. and it’s better to start with frozen pork chops. I’m home during the day some I’m able to turn them once, but if you’re not, try pouring the cream of chicken over the pork chops at the start.

  • http://www.facebook.com/heidi.hall.549 Heidi Hall

    i’m actually wondering if you may have used a crock that was too big for what you were making. that would mean that the “sauce” was not covering the chops enough. that would be my guess.

  • Jennifer

    I totally agree! I tried these and they were disgusting!!

  • Becky

    I have made this recipe before and it was AMAZING! Sorry yours turned out no so fab ;)

  • Nicole Robillard

    Ok, I’ve been reading your blog and it is hilarious…When I came across this recipe, I thought, ‘Oh, she’ll love this one!’ and then I saw it was one of your fails…I will admit, I did try this recipe and it came out exactly like the picture..It was delicious!…In fact, it’s one of my new go to recipes for the crock pot…I don’t know what I did different from you, but the pork chops were moist, the sauce was de-lish and the potatoes were amazing… I wish you good luck with the other recipes and look forward to more of your postings :0)

  • Robin

    I make this all the time and my chops have NEVER been pink. Nothing in the ingredients even has that red tint your sauce does. Odd indeed

  • Amanda

    I made this and the pork chops were wonderfully moist. the gravy however was flavorless and that was a huge disappointment. It is not a recipe i would ever make again.

  • April

    Ok so Im a tad dissapointed now…I already have all the ingredients for this dish and plan on making it tomorrow…wish me luck or a strong stomach lol

  • Jaimie

    This is hilarious. I love your blog. I made the ubiquitous “crock pot mac and cheese” recipe that was all over Pinterest… the one that says “add evaporated milk to keep everything from curdling” (bechemel sauces are my kryptonite, so the idea of this appealed to me). Followed it to a T. And the entire fucking thing curdled. What a fucking waste of time and money. Technically I guess it was still edible, if you like somewhat cheesy scrambled eggs mixed into your macaroni.

  • Cadi

    I made this recipe a couple times and I love it. I haven’t messed it up yet.. but yeah mine didn’t look like that. ;)

  • Amy

    I have made this recipe before .. it was delicious. You probably should have read some of the reviews before you made it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rebecca.amos.501 Rebecca Amos

    Hahahaha I made this too though mine looked a little more appetizing. Trust me, if this had turned out like the picture you still wouldn’t have liked it. It’s the most salty food I’ve ever made and I didn’t add any salt! I drank 3 bottles of water with one serving.

  • Erica

    I made this dish and it was wonderful. I did use an extra can of soup, and I made sure to submerse my pork chops down into the mixture.

  • Nicki

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one this didn’t work for!! Mine came out almost exactly like yours.

  • Lynne

    There are two other recipes making the rounds on Pinterest that were huge failures when I made them too. One is crockpot chicken enchiladas and the other was the egg/hasbrown/cheese/bacon crockpot breakfast.
     
    Followed directions exactly and both were inedible messes. One a soupy, doughy disaster. The other a dried out crusty catastrophe. Both equally tasteless.
     
    I wish people would actually try making this crap themselves before pinning it! I learned my lesson after wasting time and money on both recipes.
     
    Love your blog!

    • AmberHarris

      Isn’t the whole point of pinning so you have a reference to come back to when you’re ready to try something?  Not pin after you’ve tired necessarily?   MOST of the things I’ve pinned have not been something I’ve already tried.  So you want someone to quick write down a recipe then make it then come back to pinterest and search for the pin and ONLY pin if it was successful for them?  

  • Emily

    OH NO! This is in my crockpot as we speak. I’m using homemade cream of mushroom soup I got from another pin, and chicken instead of pork chops, which I rubbed in the ranch and browned before putting it in the crockpot. I’ll make sure my husband takes the first bite :)

  • Heather

    I made these too, while mine didn’t look quite like yours they did end up dry and the sauce was way too salty.

  • AmandaDyck

    I tried these too, but I skipped the slowcooker, and baked them for 1 hour at 350*  I doubled the sauce, and they turned out great.  My young children loved them.  That is saying something!  I also found it too salty, and next time I make them, (because my kids ate them, there WILL be a next time,) I will double the soup, and only use one pack of the dressing. :)

  • http://www.2mara.com/ 2mara

    oh man…. this kills me. I found your blog today and have been reading through them all… because apparently I don’t need to be doing something else o.O
    ~2

  • Erin

    I made these and they turned out amazing! I did have to cut back on the time the 2nd time around because they were a teensey bit dry at the full cook time, but both the chops and the potatoes are a new family fav!

  • GinaG

    I am an excellent cook.  Really.  But I tried to make a similar pork chop recipe in my crock pot, and it turned out horribly and looked just like Pintester’s.  Oh, and the smell.  It was just awful.  Gag.
    P.S. — LOVE your blog.  :)

  • partiesbystephg

    Im with you on this, I made it last night and it didnt turn out like I expected hubby loved it but I thought it was …salty? O well 

  • frizzydizzy

    I tried this and added a can of water to the mix and it turne out  much better.

  • Jan

    I tried the Crock Pot – Pot Roast from Pinterest. The one with the balsamic vinegar. Yikes! I turned out looking so yummy. It smelled not so yummy. We ate it (two meals), but we will not have it again. My sweet husband never says he doesn’t like something I’ve cooked, he just says “I don’t think thats a do over”. Well those were his words for this recipe.
     

  • Christina

    Try adding two cans of water and a couple chicken boullion cubes…it’s mahhhhvelous :)

  • guest

    Weird-I’ve made this 3 times and it’s turned out perfect all three times. My family loves it-the only changes I made were to add a can of milk to the cream of chicken to thin it a bit, and then cut the ranch seasoning back, it was a bit salty. The red color is very confusing, as I don’t recall anything in the recipe that would turn it that color…too bad!

  • marsiebarsie

    I made this 2 according to the recipe and it was gross, my husband has now made me promise no more pork chops in the crock pot because it just ruins them lol

  • cmcgr49401

    I actually did this one and I cooked it on low and it turned out sooooo yummy.  My kids LOVE it!  Mine actually looked more like the one in the pretty picture.  LOL
    Try again just cook on low (hint: freeze the pork chops – put them in the crock pot frozen.  Mix ranch and soup together and pour over the pork chops.  Most important – cook on low
    Tastes super yummy on mashed potatoes :)

  • virtualdespot

    Again with the rice for mashed potato substitute!
     
    Girl, you are not living your best life!

  • sharonemoreno

    I made this recipe a little different and it turned out great… I used a pork loin (because I have a husband a 3 small kids who eat like high school football players) and I doubled the gravy.  I also used homemade ranch powder.  It tasted great and even my picky 5 year old that swears he hates mashed potatoes cleaned his plate and wanted more!

  • KRYSTINA_V

    LOL

  • KRYSTINA_V

    you should try the “man pleasing chicken” next.. unless you are allergic to mustard that is :-)

  • SabrinaMerritt

    Okay… I made this and it was AWESOME.. and by the look of your result picture.. I mean, why does your chop have red –something– on it? Other than being so soft they fell apart, mine looked just like the picture and it was seriously DELISH!  Also.. did you add the can of water with the soup??? Hmm.. you should revisit this. I used two super huge fat chops ( bone in, even!) one can soup, one packet ranch, one can water ( those three mixed together before pouring over chops) and let it sit in the crock pot for a good 5 hours on high. Seriously yum. 

  • EvanLay

    I make these all the time! And I totally leave out the overly complicated mashed potatoes in the recipe. This is one of my favorite recipes! But I mix the soup and ranch together and add some water until it’s not wiggly anymore. Also….did you add tomatoes? And celery? Cause that looks weird!!

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  • silverwaveangel

    This is one of my favorite dishes!  maybe your crockpot was too big, cause i think it helps when the meat is submerged in the sauce.  

  • JameeceMcLaren

    A lot of times when using a crock pot, you have to sear the meat first, then put it in the crock pot. Take a skillet and get it SMOKING hot, like just before oil catches fire. Put the chop, steak, whatever in the smoking hot pan, count to 5, flip it over, count to 5, then put it in the crock pot. Then you’ll have nicely browned nasty tasting ranch pork chops, which may make them seem more appetizing than pink nasty tasting ranch pork chops,

  • Deborah

    I’ve made this and so has my best friend and it came out great!! Maybe your crock pot is too hot? I hav 3 crock pots, all cook at different levels, and when I have thin cuts of meat, I use my slowest cooking one. For thick, tough cuts, I use the hottest one.

  • connerzgram

    i made this recipe from the exact pin and mine came out much like yours – instead of a pork chop, i got a lot of pork chop pieces – the gravy was just yuck – very unappealing looking – i couldn’t bear to even try it but i did have a taste to confirm it was as horrible as it looked – however, my husband (aka gorilla) who eats anything that resembles meat proclaimed only mildly disgusting as he consumed a full plate – and that’s why i married him!

  • WhitneyCrosby

    I’ve made this a few times and it always comings out great! It’s one of our favs!

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  • JasiLee

    Girl, did you throw the pink styrofoam in with the chops?! LOLS. That looks impossibly different from the directions.  Shot of cointreau perhaps? I would try this mess again with a quick sear and enough liquid to cover. You might LOVE it. Or, at the very least, get the red out.  Haha, gross!

  • greyhoundgirl

    I made this recipe with frozen pork chops. I could tell it did not have enough liquid so I added two cans of soup and two cans of milk. They came out perfect with plenty of gravy. I think the problem is the recipe does not call for enough liquid. I served them over egg noodles. An okay recipe – I wanted something fast, easy and that would use frozen meat since I had forgotten to prepare ahead of time.

  • Katrina

    zombying this, but I can tell you exactly why they turned into pink hockey pucks.
    Crock pots work best when they are at least 2/3 to 3/4 full of food. Any less, they overcook and dry out the food. You can solve this with either a smaller crockpot (I have 4 in all different sizes) or find an oven-safe container that fits inside your crockpot, essentially making the food space smaller. You can get creative. I just ‘baked’ a turkey meatloaf in my crockpot by nestling a metal loaf pan inside it.Doesn’t have to fit perfect, as long as its level and the lid fits as normal.