Cake Batter Martini

0 Posted by - July 24, 2012 - Food & Drink

I was going to make a cocktail with cucumbers in it, because how gross would that be, but when I went looking in the fridge for my cucumbers, they were liquified and moldy. I have a pretty high food squick-factor. I mean, I eat the wimpy kind of sushi in the rice rolls, and the smell of pâté doesn’t necessarily put me off my French fries. But these cucumbers were pretty gross. I still get that weird unpleasant spinal shiver-gag when I think about it too hard. So that cocktail will have to wait, because even I will not eat liquified moldy cucumbers.

Instead, I crowd-sourced cocktail suggestions from the Pintestes (I’m trying out a new fan club name– you like?) on Facebook and Twitter. You all stepped up with some truly excellent/horrifying cocktail suggestions, and I will get to quite a few of them eventually, but the first one I decided to tackle was the cake batter cocktail. Partly this is because I had an approximation of the liquors required on hand and I was too lazy to get in the car and drive to the liquor store. Partly it is also because I got two different suggestions with two different instructional links for the same cocktail.

Let the games begin.

You’ll note that I do not have cake batter vodka pictured here. Because no one fucking buys cake batter vodka. I’m not even sure if it’s a real thing, and if it is, it probably shouldn’t be. I do, however, have Smirnoff Whipped Cream Vodka. But that’s totally different. You can make creamsicle drinks out of it, and it’s awesome. Um, yes. It’s so much more sophisticated than cake batter vodka. Also, I didn’t have white chocolate liquer. Kahlua is close, though, right? Oh, and, I used fat free Half n’ Half instead of heavy cream. What? Come at me, bitch.

You guys, I even had sprinkles. Ok, they’re brown sprinkles, not rainbow sprinkles, but this is me we’re talking about here, so let’s not be too picky, a’right?

Insert gratuitous rim job joke here. I’m tired.

I can’t remember exactly what proportions of everything I threw in my martini shaker, but it was a close approximation of the linked recipes. I’m no cowboy. I follow directions as closely as I can, given the materials at hand… sometimes.

Here’s to you, Pintestes!

So, the verdict? Not bad. Not at all like cake batter, but not bad. And, yeah, I know I can’t really be surprised that it doesn’t taste like cake batter since I didn’t use the cake batter vodka, blah blah blah, you’re boring me.

The problem with martinis that taste really good is that I then end up drinking the whole thing, and after a fairly dry week (in the sense that I didn’t drink much, guys, for real), it hit me a little hard. I vaguely recall singing songs from The Little Mermaid to The Bachelorette and tweeting, “Holy shit. I am drunk. I blame @Pinterest.”

Also, I played with the sprinkles a little.

This one is my tribute to YDAD. (Seriously, that girl is a trip, and the puns– oh God– the puns.)

So, ahem, yes, um I can’t give you guys a real verdict because I cocked this one up. But my version was kind of awesome and got me drunk, so, mission: accomplished.

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  • Jenn Sanders

    Lol @ chocolate sprinkles!

  • Erin

    When I look at “Pintestes” all I see is the “testes” part. Maybe back to the drawing board, there?

    • teebee

      i think thats what she was going for…

      • Erin

         @teebee Ah. I thought she was going for classy and French-looking.

    • princessmom09

      I guess we’re all a little ‘nuts’

  • Devin

    Hi! I found your blog on not Martha and jut want to let you know that I love your sense of humor and especially love your writing style. Thanks for making me laugh!

    I am shocked at the amount of people who leave negative comments because you *fuck up the pins on purpose* kudos to you for leaving them up and not letting it bother you. And to them, I’ve noticed that if ever I want to see if the pin is a actually doable when done *properly* I just read the comments, usually if someone else has tried it, they’ll leave a comment saying how it went for them.

  • Honey has a potty mouth

    Pinnacle makes the cake batter vodka (among other insane flavours), it really is the shit. Kudos to you for drinking what looks like diarrhea in a martini glass, you’re a braver woman than me! The most disgusting thing I’ve ever tried was the time my husband thought he’d branch out and buy banana liquor; it took 10 years to finish that shit because he bought a massive bottle. GAG

  • Honey has a potty mouth

    Pinnacle makes the cake batter vodka (among other insane flavours), it really is spectacular. Kudos to you for drinking what looks like diarrhea in a martini glass, you’re a braver woman than me! The most disgusting booze I’ve ever tried was the time my husband thought he’d branch out and buy banana liquor; it took 10 years to finish that shit because he bought a massive bottle. GAG

    • rfoust

       @Honey has a potty mouth Thats one i haven’t tried.. everyone likes bananas and everyone likes liquor, so banana liquor should be good, right? :)

      • Honey has a potty mouth

        Oh, it’s narsty! Think banana medicine…

        • CrystalKYuhhyzaguirre

           @Honey has a potty mouth  @rfoust
           theres some drink at a restraunt here with banana liquor and that shit tastes just like a banana creme pie. you just did it wrong lol

        • Honey has a potty mouth

          No, I just don’t like banana flavour liquor. 

  • sugarintheraw00

    @thirtyseven Less expensive and lazier alternative? Gnaw a Toll House ready made cookie roll and chase w/vodka. Barfs is right.

  • KissChronicles

    I KNEW this would make a great post. The sprinkles in the teeth are killing me!

  • sdohognelane

    “No one fucking buys cake batter vodka”.  LOVE!

  • inkgrrl

    Pintestes works. It is, after all, in the plural and therefore proper. 
    I’m pretty sure that the original cake batter martini would only have been improved by the addition of slimy cucumbers. Your version looks much better.

  • TanyaGreerBreese

    i’d say yes, “mission accomplished” for sure! lovin the sprinkles in the teeth lol

  • Beck

    What the hell is ‘Fat-free half and half’? How is that possible? I’m disturbed that this was in your fridge. 

  • Truffles8761

    Well played, Pintester.  Looks like shit, but gets you plenty blasted.  Who can ask for more?  I’m gonna try the rag curtains I saw on Pinterest recently and I’m thinking some nasty drink would make that experience infinitely more entertaining.

  • ShellyCraftonHill

     @pintester I like Pintestes!  Does that make you the “Pindick” or can beg for that title? 

  • Mrs02l

    I buy cake vodka, its freaking delicious. Someone once convinced me to try it in squirt and squirt is the nastiest beverage ever…but when its mixed with cake vodka it taste like lemon cake

    • rfoust

       @Mrs02l what is squirt?

      • Mrs02l

         @rfoust It’s a citrus soda that is all together nasty until you mix it with cake vodka ;)

  • Dbnzee

    Yeah, I did the Red Velvet Cake Martini last valentines day. Lo and behold, there was a vodka I had never tried.

    Guess what else they have? Just discovered it last weekend: Long Island Iced Tea in a half gallon bottle. All you gotta do is add a splash of sweet n sour mix and a splash of cola. Way better (stronger) than the $9 ones at our local tavern. And now I don’t have to sneak them outta the bar to enjoy them by my pool : )

  • GraveDancer40

    Okay, you NEED to try cake batter vodka. My sister got it and I was skeptical but its delicious. We mixed it with sprite (because we’re poor and lazy) and it was one of my fave drinks EVER. So so good.

  • jess

    Wow that martini looks like it came straight out of a porta potty!  NAILED IT!  :D

  • JMill

    I’m in favor of the new fan name! Pin-balls/Pintestes! So many possibilities! 

  • Riyoyo

    Cake batter vodka is actually really tasty, I think you’d like it. If you mix it with root beer it tastes like a root beer float.

  • Yakityyak


  • yarrrdichoke

    The fact that you think cake vodka doesn’t exist makes you the worst drinker ever. It is a delicious and dangerous liquor, as you can mix insanely strong drinks with it without them tasting like alcohol. It’s especially good mixed with creme soda (or Jones Sugar Free Vanilla Bean soda).

  • notsosuziq

    The drink looks great.  I just wanted to say how much I hate the chick in the bikini to the right in the Ideal Image ad.  Must I see that perfect bod each time I read a post!  Not fair.  :)

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  • CarolRenna

    Three Olives makes Cake Batter Vodka! 

  • JennyBrown369

    OMGosh……..just found your blog.  You’re freakin’ hilarious!   I love pinterest and I love reading your posts.  You’re a hoot and I’m sure if we were neighbors, we’d be great friends!  Can’t wait to read more!

  • angcris

    I made the cucumber drink…gag…I wouldn’t bother trying it, it actually tastes like you’re drinking lemon cucumbers. Love the blog, great idea!! 

  • EffingHilarious

     @Honey has a potty mouth
     Was it called 99 Banana’s by chance? That stuff is STRONG! We made jello shots outta that stuff and were wasted after eating a whole ice tray full of them!

  • Ginamonster

    Cake batter vodka + jello = you’re welcome.

  • Hilary

    This was a seriously hilarious post. I don’t even know WHAT the sprinkles on your martini glass look like, but it’s not good (okay, I have a fair idea, but I am a bit more reserved than you are.. obviously). 
    x Hilary

  • AdamGeller

    The Pintestes :)

  • AstroGremlin

    I have in mind the image of a bartender serving up your version.  Rolling on floor.  

  • BrittneyNicoleStumpp

    i have birthday cake vodka,its good. plus i also have chocolate cake vodka.

  • KathleenChristian

    Dear God, I think I love you.

  • NayNayz

    You try so hard to come off as “funny” in your posts. Sometimes you succeed, other times not so much. But seriously, I checked out this blog because I was actually intrigued….I thought it would be great to know if some of the experiments you see on Pinterest actually work. As you are well aware, you half-ass pretty much all of these. I’ve tried out tons of Pinterest experiments, and all of them have been pretty successful, but that’s because I do them right. Your blog is useless. If you were actually trying, it wouldn’t be so bad. But you know it’s useless and you try to hide that with you not-so-funny humor. I’ll check out the other blogs.

    • Truffles8761

      I just don’t understand what you think you’re accomplishing by bashing a humor blogger.  It’s fine to have a different sense of humor and go to another site for your entertainment, but what can be gained by these comments?

    • Anabanana37

      shut yo pie hole-io

    • NotASingleGram

      If you don’t like it don’t read the blog. It’s as simple as that. I’m fairly sure you don’t have the balls to put yourself out on the internet. So grow up and keep it moving.

  • dmc09

    I completely agree with the comment below me. i was excited to see someone trying out pins before I f-ed them up, but you really seem to change so many of the directions/ingredients of the pins you try, that it makes it hard to judge whether the original pin is valid or not. While your attempt at humor is appreciated, it would be nice if you could also actually try the pins as close as possible to what is actually listed for the pin. I mean of course small changes are sometimes necessary based on preference (such as 2 cups of cheese instead of one), but for the purpose of this site perhaps you can not stray to far…

    • KayLaw

      Uhhhh…then just don’t read her blog. Or try the recipes yourself. Seems logical to me.

    • holden

      Dont read the blog and try the pins yourself . . . problem solved. Also, try pulling the stick out of your ass. There might be a pin for that you can try too.

    • kirirae88

      I think the point to her blog is that most people try their own substitutions with whatever they have on hand. She can “stray” as far as she likes…it’s a blog, not a step by step of how to follow the pin exactly. What fun would that be? If you don’t like the way the blog is written, then don’t read it.

      • Ginny87

        Ok guys, everyone is entitled to thir own opinion. You don’t have to attack someone just because they don’t have the same opinion as you! She really isn’t doing the pins correctly. It would be different if she was, but… It’s more of a funny read then anything!

  • NotYouMomma

    @ NayNayz & dmc09……..
    The things you are not forced to read…. Yeah, I would say this is on the list.  The rest of us enjoy her humor, but we aren’t up-ity biatches either……

  • Anabanana37

    youre amazing dont let the fuckers get you down. you just gotta keep on keepin on mayn. ps i too and drunk after making your version of this martini and i couldnt be happier. let us continue to fail together. *raises glass*

  • Sara

    I think if your going to do a blog like this than do the recipe as stated. I have done several pinterest recipes most have worked though some have not. I am a to the recipe girl though I can’t NOT measure. The first time I make it has to be by the recipe than the next time I make adjustments. This cake batter martini recipe looked half assed but the cake mug recipe looks like you followed directions. Sometimes disasters truly do happen. But if you don’t follow a full recipe how can you say one way or the other if it worked. I would like to see more posts from you but I hope that you actually follow the recipes. Thanks for the strawberry cake in a mug I will NOT be making that one. Looks are sometimes deceiving.  Good luck.

  • Dedebrd

    You are my favorite blogger. You keep me up way too late at night reading your posts when I should be sleeping. Don’t change a thing.

  • StephanieNeedham

    I think I may agree with many of your posts but You really don’t need the F word. Way too middle school. make your point and leave it at that.

    • Lauren

      Well, fuck.

    • Ashash


  • Beastface

    What is with all the people taking shit way too fucking seriously here?  Take a relaxative everybody.

  • Userboyd

    I made this cocktail last night! I did buy the vodka, but substituted Bailey’s for the Godiva because the distributor is closed down due to SuperStorm Sandy. It sucked!!!!!

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  • Ëlysapeth Smith-Gaines

    Cake batter vodka is actually great in small doses. My friend surved it in mini bottles of it at her wedding. It tastes like white cake!

  • George Burch

    Sounds like yours did everything a cocktail should!

  • tiny_bird

    Three Olives Brand cake vodka is delicious mixed with a bit of diet ginger ale. Smirnoff makes cake vodka too, but I find it less tasty. Thanks for making me laugh.

  • Zeroaria

    You’re automatically 9000% more credible than most people, because you love YDAD, and that means you’re perfect.

  • ThetaSigma

    I actually like cake batter vodka, because it tastes like cake batter, which I love raw (and cooked, let’s not lie!) and because it gets me *drunk*. So. Win. But what the fuck do I need to make a martini for? The vodka already TASTES like cake batter, and adding anything non-alcoholic only delays the drunkenness. So. If ever you wanna try it without committing to a ginormous bottle, they sell *adorable* little trial bottles of the stuff too! The chocolate cake one is yummy too! And white cake. And you know what, I can totally get behind making alcohol taste like any dessert, because fucking hell, combining two things I love!