Guys, I had to stop going to Chick-fil-A.
It’s not that I’m denying anyone the right to free speech. The CEO of Chick-fil-A totally has the constitutional right to alienate a large proportion of his patrons by being a gay-hating douche-monger. But I’m not going to give him my money so he can give it to gay-hating douche-mongering organizations. Hell to the no.
My little problem is that Chick-fil-A nuggets are freakin’ delicious. So, I decided to make them myself.
It’s pretty much standard fried chicken, except the flour mixture has powdered sugar and a shit-ton of salt in it. Now you know the secret: sweet, salty cock.
(Yeah, I went there. I already offended the anti-gay people, so I might as well offend the anti-alternate-word-for-penis people, too. Oh wait. They’re probably the same. Nevermind.)
The most time-consuming part is cutting up all the chicken. Oh my God you guys. I had cock in my hands for like an hour.
Also, there was not enough flour mixture to cover everything, so I did the last third of these with just plain flour. Oops. There is definitely a flavor difference. The ones with salt and sugar were far superior to the plain flour ones.
Guys, I hate frying stuff. There is hot oil and it splatters and I get nervous and screechy and it’s just not a good thing. So I made my husband fry these. But I still wore my awesome apron anyway (speaking of cock).
(And there go the anti-nude-art people and the anti-tasteless-souvenirs people. Who else can I offend?)
They came out looking pretty good!
Ok, fine, they don’t really look like Chick-fil-A nuggets, but that’s probably because they’re not. They taste pretty similar, but not exactly the same. So I’m thinking we probably shouldn’t call them Chick-fil-A nuggets. What should we call them instead?
(I’m on a roll, guys. Somebody stop me.)
While you’re thinking about that, I also made the sauce. It turned kind of brown and gross-looking and was not my favorite thing, so I would recommend buying your sweet and sour sauce already made.
(Fuck! The anti-store-bought-sauce people just flipped me the bird as they took their candy thermometers and went home.)
In conclusion, I like cock, even if Chick-fil-A doesn’t.
(Wait! You’re unsubscribing because you don’t agree with my politics? I’m pretty sure you’re oppressing my freedom of speech! Commie.)