Man-Pleasing Chicken

0 Posted by - September 17, 2012 - Food & Drink

Man-pleasing chicken is just for men and features a giant hunk of thigh for a hardy, masculine bite. The sauce is saucier and tangier for a man’s indelicate palate, but still doesn’t range too far outside the meat and potatoes ideal. Baking is done at the highest temperature setting you can reasonably put your oven on, because men don’t want their wives to fuck around in the kitchen with that “low and slow” bullshit.

It’s kind of like the man-chicken version of the woman-pen.

Reviews from real* men:

AT LAST! Chicken for my burly man taste-buds that I can eat without fear that my testicles will retract into my abdomen from eating lady-food.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. For years I’ve been eating woman-chicken without knowing it. I didn’t even realize that my gender required a special kind of chicken, or COCK, if you will. This recipe has shown me the error of my ways. Now if only I could find recipes for man-pleasing petit fours, cucumber sandwiches, and appletinis, my manliness would be complete.

All my life I’ve relied on well-done steaks from the grill (the only thing a man should cook, ever). I had despaired of ever being able to pass a normal stool again. This chicken gives me hope not only for poultry, but for diary and vegetables as well!

With those ringing endorsements, I had to try this chicken. To think that for years I’d been denying my husband man-food and not even realizing it!

I set out to follow the instructions from the recipe exactly. I even procured rice vinegar, although there’s only a tablespoon of it in the sauce and I have no damn clue what makes it different from any other sort of vinegar.

I used a meat thermometer, guys, and despite the fact that I know that chicken is not done until 180 degrees, I only cooked it to 165 degrees because that’s what the recipe said to do.

But then I wasn’t willing to die a horrible, disgusting death of food poisoning, even for this blog, so I put that shit back in the oven.

I am sure that this little slip-up of mine is why my husband did not like this chicken. After all, it is the woman’s job to please the man with her chicken-handling technique. The fact that this recipe has mustard and some men don’t like mustard is absolutely no excuse.

Lest you worry for our marriage, though, I think we’ll be ok. My apology (“Oh my, I am so sorry you don’t like the chicken, dearest! I’m just so silly sometimes and I need a man like you around to read recipes for me and grill things. Let’s have hotdogs instead.”**) seems to have worked.

I know it doesn’t matter, since I’m only a woman, but I kind of liked the chicken actually. The sauce was pretty good and the chicken was still nice and tender, even after I scorched it to 180 degrees.

*These are not real reviews. I totally made that shit up.

**There was no real apology. I love my husband, but if he doesn’t like what I make, he eats it anyway and is fucking happy about it, or he makes his own damn dinner. He usually opts for the former and did in this case as well.

  • Hillkat83

    Damn skippy!! Gotta have the menu of “take it or leave it” or my version “take it and don’t say shit unless it’s good shit or shut the fuck up and have a bologna sandwich”

  • jacrae21

    I’ve always done chicken to 165 degrees.  That’s what all my cook books say and it’s what the USDA says.  But I also have a rule.  You eat what I make, even if it sucks, or you can make yourself something else.  No one else ever makes something else!  I have made this Man Pleasing Chicken before, and it pleased everyone, though!

  • franklinsgirl21

    OH MY WORD….this cracked me up. I too, fell prey to the larger than life name of this recipe. Man Pleasing? Without even getting on my knees?? I mean, sign me up already!…..But then I made it and was like “WTF?!”  Ain’t nothin’ special about that at all. Not bragging or anything…..but I’m pretty sure I know how to please my man. But if a recipe like this is all it takes, I’m getting the fuck out of the hot, messy kitchen, buying up some Hungry Man’s, pouring me some wine and throwing away my knee pads.I frickin’ adore you Girla. Rock on.

  • renlish

    The reviews… was incapacitated with laughter. Read them to my manbeast… And now he’s hungry.

  • karacooks

    There is absolutely no need to cook chicken to a dry and dusty 180 degrees. Even the USDA recommended temp for chicken is 165. See here: http://www.fsis.usda.gov/is_it_done_yet/brochure_text/index.asp#SMIT”Cook all poultry to a safe minimum internal temperature of 165 °F as measured with a food thermometer.”

    • http://blog.robbiefoust.com/ rfoust

      karacooks I wonder why the meat thermometers say 180 is “done.”  I usually pull my chicken off the grill at 170-175 though.  Maybe I’ll test one at 165 next time and see how it looks.  The famous chefs always say it’ll cook 10 more degrees after it is removed from heat but I’ve never seen it go up more than a few degrees.

      • karacooks

        rfoust Because back in the day, the USDA used to say that chicken had to be cooked to 180 and pork had to be cooked to 165. But years ago those temperatures were lowered to more realistic numbers (165 and 145) based on a lot of study about where the actual bacteria killing temps are. You still get people who are stuck in the 180 mindset tho, and a lot of manufacturers haven’t changed the recommendations on their kitchen equipment. 

        • jcrodewald

          karacooks rfoust And the temperature rises while resting another 5 to 10 degrees – so at 180 that chicken should be completely dry and tasteless…

        • JeannieLynn24

          karacooks rfoust  Agreed, working in a restaurant, all chicken has a internal temp of 165.

  • ShelleyinsoIL

    That picture of your chicken does not look man-pleasing to me.  It looks very beige and boring.  I am glad that you at least thought it tasted okay.  Now if you want a really awesome slow-cooker recipe for chicken that includes BACON  (I mean, bacon, right?) go to the blog slow cooking for a year and look up her bacon-ranch chicken.  There is something about cheese, teriyaki sauce and ranch dressing mixed with bacon over chicken that makes my knees melt.  Put that shit over some mashed potatoes and you will learn the taste of awesome!  Of course if you like your sodium intake to be slightly less than a week’s supply in one meal, then don’t eat this.  Except on special occasions.  Like when you have made it to the grocery store two weeks in a row.

  • DanielleBrand

    Haha oh man, I love all your remarks!

  • marinamaxwell

    Amazing, as usual. Might I also say that you have some really hilarious commenters? I love that you and your audience are so in sync. 

  • PiperAlexander

    Boners. You’re giving me boners.

  • roachc420

    I don’t think my guys would eat anything with a “maple mustard mixture”. Should I be concerned?

  • Doctor Tarr

    You know I love the blog, so I make these comments only because I am compelled to.  They should in no way be interpreted as a criticism of this entry; rather, they should be seen as a symptom of some mental illness I suffer from.As noted, an internal temperature of 165 is plenty high enough for chicken.  You can also use my grandmother’s method of just noting when the juices run clear if poked.The recipe didn’t call for seasoned rice wine vinegar, just the regular kind.  Your bottle of seasoned vinegar probably has sugar and other stuff in it.  It’s for sushi rice (I am very aware that is redundant, thank you).You could brown it under the broiler or raising the over temperature for the last ten minutes or so.

    • Doctor Tarr

      I truly hate that my beautiful paragraphs get squashed together when commenting here.  I know, the solution is to write shorter messages.  I’m sure everyone would be happier if I did, but I just can’t do it.

    • franklinsgirl21

      Doctor Tarr The recipe does indeed call for Rice Wine Vinegar. Just saying.

      • Doctor Tarr

        franklinsgirl21 Doctor Tarr Right.  Regular rice wine vinegar, not seasoned rice wine vinegar. As I wrote.

        • franklinsgirl21

          Doctor Tarr franklinsgirl21 Oh dear. You are totally right! I never even realized there was a difference. Thank you for that! I will consider myself prepared in the future now! :)

      • Doctor Tarr

        franklinsgirl21 Doctor Tarr From their Web site at http://mizkan.com/Brands/Nakano/ProductsAndFlavors/, the regular rice wine vinegar is just vinegar and water.  The seasoned rice wine vinegar also includes corn syrup, salt, and brown sugar.  

      • Doctor Tarr

        franklinsgirl21 Doctor Tarr From they Web site at http://mizkan.com/Brands/Nakano/ProductsAndFlavors/ you can see that the regular rice wine vinegar is just vinegar and water, while the seasoned rice wine vinegar also includes corn syrup, salt, and brown sugar.

        • Doctor Tarr

          @Doctor Tarr their

  • Sarah F

    love it! all of it!

  • pandafraz

    @ThePintester not a man, but this post was worth reading because I nearly pissed myself.

    • ThePintester

      @pandafraz I hope “nearly” is the key word there. ;) Thanks for reading!

  • Truffles8761

    I completely agree with everything Doctor Tarr said and his compulsions.  I’m there Dr. T.  I feel it.  As for this pintest, I totally bought the reviews.  I guess deep down I doubted but I wanted to believe and so I did.  Any man of mine will be happy with my experimentation or be taking me out to dinner.  It’s a win win, really.

  • RachelNGarrett

    I too enjoyed the “man-pleasing” chicken, but the men who I ate it with were NOT pleased, and requested it stop being made after appearing three times in as many months.

  • ThePintester

    @wittyinthecity Thank you so much for reading! Glad you enjoyed! (And I enjoyed the chicken, even though my husband didn’t. ;) )

    • Christine G

      @ThePintester This recipe appears to be “Woman-Pleasing Chicken”, false advertising! Broiling the chicken at the end should give you that pseudo-grilled look and texture from the Pin pic.

    • Christine G

      This recipe appears to be “Woman-Pleasing Chicken”, false advertising! Broiling the chicken at the end should give you that pseudo-grilled look and texture from the Pin pic. Oooo!! Forget the broiler, use a blowtorch and share the video! ^_^

  • ixnayonthelindsay

    LOL… “This chicken gives me hope not only for poultry, but for diary and vegetables as well!”

  • ThatGabbyAbby

    Like the recipe, HATE the clean up. I see you were a smart person and put foil in your pan before baking. I did not, and spent the next 3 days trying every cleaning method known to man to de-funk my bakeware. When the blowtorch didn’t work, I gave up and threw it out. Now, when I make man-pleasing chicken, I do it in a disposable pan, or line that sumabitch with an assload of foil.

  • NitaG

    I absolutely love your blog.  I can’t wait to read it when it gets delivered to my inbox.  I laugh out loud and make my husband read it too.  I too tried to make this chicken.  It was just okay.  I thought it had too much mustard.  However, I am like you, if my husband doesn’t like my cooking, well, TFB!!!  Keep them coming!!

  • ThePintester

    @amandajustice Thanks for the share!

  • AmyMadden

    This recipe when I tried it made me wish to cry. The pale, uninteresting, overly sinus clearing food I dished up that night was truly one of the worst things I have ever placed on the dinner table! I don’t know about man pleasing. The entire family looked at me in horror!Love your blog btw! Has me in stitches every time!

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  • Baconeer

    Whoa, chicken cooked to 180 degrees comes out like cardboard, doesn’t it?  The USDA says 165, so that’s what I always went by.  I mean, I know the government isn’t ALWAYS right, but I trust them on that one.

    • LenaKotler

      Baconeer Considering that the USDA guidelines are what restaurants go by I’m going to assume they wouldn’t publish a temp that could still kill you.

      • KryomGAC

        LenaKotler Baconeer tell that to Swiss Chalet will ya? Their chicken is ALWAYS pink. I got food poisoning TWICE after eating their chicken. Now I just stick with their ribs…lol. Pink Chicken is a no no.

  • StaceyM

    I’ve made this before…They totally over sold it! It was Meh.

  • Diana from San Francisco

    Ah ha ha ha ha, it worked for me.  But here is what I did.  I put chicken (deboned thighs – butterflied) in a big zip lock and marinated it all day.  When it was time to bake, I baked as I normally would and not followed their instructions.  I did not want rubbery over cooked chicken.  I made sure that my chicken wasn’t sitting in the sauce because I was looking for crisp and golden, not watery and rubbery. The last 7-8 minutes I blasted it with the broiler so that it would char like the recipe.  I took out of the oven, sprinkled minced rosemary.  It was pretty good.

  • Diana from San Francisco

    Ah ha ha ha ha. This is funny, okay so it worked for me. But here is what I did. I put chicken (deboned thighs – butterflied) in a big zip lock and marinated it all day. When it was time to bake, I baked as I normally would and not followed their instructions. I did not want rubbery over cooked chicken. I made sure that my chicken wasn’t sitting in the sauce because I was looking for crisp and golden, not watery (steaming in the marinade) and rubbery. The last 7-8 minutes I blasted it with the broiler so that it would char like the recipe. I took out of the oven, sprinkled minced rosemary. It was pretty good.

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  • SamiCakes

    Dear Pintester,I have just posted the link to your blog on my FB page!  you freakin ROCK!  I am not ashamed…I am more than a little Pinterest Obsessed.  You have now gained a serious (i just may loose my job, ’cause i’m reading your blog instead of working) fan!  Rock on gurl, Rock On!