Candy Corn Crunch

Generally, I prefer my Halloween candy like I prefer my drinks: straight up. I mean, it’s candy, right? You don’t really need to doctor it up. But I couldn’t resist this one:

This is really easy to make, no lie. I made it after spending like four hours outside doing manual labor, in a sort of half-nap state.

I do remember going to the grocery store for all this and feeling the judgement of the grocery store check-out person, though.

“Yes I am buying nothing but $30 worth of Halloween-themed junkfood today. Yes I do realize that’s a $6 bottle of sprinkles. I understand that there are starving people in this world and that they would rather have that $6 to spend on nourishment rather than artificially-colored snack items. But I’m the Pintester. It’s my duty.”

That explanation happened in my head. In reality, I grinned sheepishly and then shuffled to my car as quickly as possible under the weight of two bags of autumn-colored candy-carbs.

But, guilt be damned, I made this stuff.

Except I didn’t put any pretzels in because I hate those little shits and it’s my blog and I can do what I want.

I don’t have any pictures of the melting and pouring of the white chocolate candy stuff because my hands were covered with it the whole time and somehow it ended up in my hair (which I only discovered when my significant other said incredulously, “What’s in your hair?” probably assuming I’d tried yet another weird way to avoid shampooing for days at a time). But it turned out like this:

I imagine this is what it would look like if you had to catch a unicorn’s fecal sample in one of those trays that you take to the vet so they can test the poo for tapeworms and stuff. Or maybe the cow-version of a unicorn because they seem more likely to eat candy corn.

Now someone needs to photoshop me a cow unicorn, please. That is beyond my skills.

Anyway, once it was broken up, it looked a lot more like the original image.

 

I packed it up and brought it to a gathering where my young niece and nephew enjoyed the hell out of it, as evidenced by the trail of purple and orange sprinkles they left in their wake as they bounced off every surface in a sugar-induced crack-like euphoria.

So let’s call it a win.