Candy Corn Crunch

0 Posted by - October 10, 2012 - Food & Drink, Halloween & Autumn

Generally, I prefer my Halloween candy like I prefer my drinks: straight up. I mean, it’s candy, right? You don’t really need to doctor it up. But I couldn’t resist this one:

This is really easy to make, no lie. I made it after spending like four hours outside doing manual labor, in a sort of half-nap state.

I do remember going to the grocery store for all this and feeling the judgement of the grocery store check-out person, though.

“Yes I am buying nothing but $30 worth of Halloween-themed junkfood today. Yes I do realize that’s a $6 bottle of sprinkles. I understand that there are starving people in this world and that they would rather have that $6 to spend on nourishment rather than artificially-colored snack items. But I’m the Pintester. It’s my duty.”

That explanation happened in my head. In reality, I grinned sheepishly and then shuffled to my car as quickly as possible under the weight of two bags of autumn-colored candy-carbs.

But, guilt be damned, I made this stuff.

Except I didn’t put any pretzels in because I hate those little shits and it’s my blog and I can do what I want.

I don’t have any pictures of the melting and pouring of the white chocolate candy stuff because my hands were covered with it the whole time and somehow it ended up in my hair (which I only discovered when my significant other said incredulously, “What’s in your hair?” probably assuming I’d tried yet another weird way to avoid shampooing for days at a time). But it turned out like this:

I imagine this is what it would look like if you had to catch a unicorn’s fecal sample in one of those trays that you take to the vet so they can test the poo for tapeworms and stuff. Or maybe the cow-version of a unicorn because they seem more likely to eat candy corn.

Now someone needs to photoshop me a cow unicorn, please. That is beyond my skills.

Anyway, once it was broken up, it looked a lot more like the original image.

 

I packed it up and brought it to a gathering where my young niece and nephew enjoyed the hell out of it, as evidenced by the trail of purple and orange sprinkles they left in their wake as they bounced off every surface in a sugar-induced crack-like euphoria.

So let’s call it a win.

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  • Lkchappy

    Reasons why I love your blog: words like “unicorn fecal sample”, “crack-like euphoria” and “duty (haha, doody)”. Pin test on, friend.

  • danielleburbo

    So funny. Thats a sugar high for sure. I sure wouldn’t make that for my kids party! I wouldnt want to witness that type of madness.

  • DianneMessina

    My teeth itch after reading this post.

  • sarahloghin

    See, I don’t like recipes that ask me to use just a half of a package of candy, or less. Because then I end up eating it all while cooking and then can’t stomach whatever beautiful confection results. I’d have to scale this up to use the whole package of oreos, whole bag of candy corn, etc. There shall be no leftovers that I can’t package up real pretty and send to someone else’s hips ;)
    But it does look good and make my teeth hurt all at once. The visual of unicorn poop is keeping me from making it this weekend.

  • anchesson

    I imagine the children looked a bit like this <img src=”http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzp3m20AMa1qj9vl2o1_500.gif”/>

    • anchesson

      Sorry for the picture fail, maybe it was all of that pumpkin spiked coffee I had this morning. I can feel the sugar and caffeine making me vibrate at a cellular level. Now that I’m contemplating it, I suppose that’s how this dish would make me feel…no me gusta.

      • Truffles8761

        anchesson I feel you.  I’ve been all over that pumpkin spice creamer today.

  • anchesson

    Sorry for the picture fail, maybe it was all of that pumpkin spiked coffee I had this morning. I can feel the sugar and caffeine making me vibrate at a cellular level. Now that I’m contemplating it, I suppose that’s how this dish would make me feel…no me gusta.

  • TrystanTerrell

    i fucking hate pretzels. good call.

  • liz mk

    The unicorn cow exists: http://preview.tinyurl.com/9doeasj
    You’re welcome, America.

  • godkina

    Holy shit balls batman… now I want sugar… it MAY or MAY not be the PMS talking.. or maybe my hips calling to the sugary goodness that is this pin… I really can’t tell anymore.. either way, you kill me… in a make me laugh until I stop breething, wheeze and require medical attention kinda way

  • cjsiders
    • aMUSEme8

      Of course cows eat candy! I live in NE Alabama and my “neightbors” farm/butcher store name is Candyman. I’ve heard they prefer twinkies over ho-ho’s though. ;) But yea, I am serious lol

      • Craftpocalypse

        aMUSEme8 Whoo North Alabama! Sorry…You just don’t come by many people from our neck of the woods that often :) I live near a dairy farm myself.

        • TrystanTerrell

          Craftpocalypse aMUSEme8 I live in Birmingham! Represent AL! And my uncles used to feed those kinda-soft peppermints to cows. I still refer to it as “cow candy”… sad. =(

        • CrystalKYuhhyzaguirre

          TrystanTerrell Craftpocalypse aMUSEme8 when i was a kid my mom totally had a pot bellied pig for a pet who loved peppermints.

  • liz mk

    Also, I was just at the dentist this morning and he said everything looks good. That basically is an approval for me to make this, right?!?

  • GraceCastellanos

    So, yours is the only online blog where I read the comments.  Mainly, because they are hilarious and don’t make me want to rip patches of skin/hair off.  Your cross-section of the population is vulgar, creative, and less than maddening.  Kudos!
    Working on the cow-unicorn asap.  But, may I suggest that you look into the quad-cow-ricorn as featured in Ameristar commercials here in Colorado?

  • GraceCastellanos
    • liz mk

      GraceCastellanos Holy shitballs that thing is amazing! I’m thinking the Pintester needs a mascot and this “animal” could be it. I may also try my hand at photoshopping that (poorly, of course)!

      • GraceCastellanos

        liz mk GraceCastellanos - I mean seriously, four horns is better than one!  *Insert terrible penis joke that I’m too lacking in creativity to form!”

    • godkina

      GraceCastellanos I love the guy in the washed out jeans and the fact that their is a carpet on the qua-unicow’s back…

      • GraceCastellanos

        godkina I mean, if it has four horns, you have to ride it, right?

        • godkina

          GraceCastellanos godkina I’m not sure if I could trust a qua-unicow… I mean, can you trust something that has four horns?… (snicker)… But those eyes are saying “Go ahead, give me a try”…I’m torn

        • GraceCastellanos

          godkina I say do it, but wear protection…… like a helmet ;)

  • StephanieEinaphets

    You make me laugh. The end.

  • Christine G

    Apparently the internet has anticipated your unicow request: http://tinyurl.com/99awjw6, http://tinyurl.com/8euxojm   
    I will still photoshop my own version of unicow, just tell my boss to stop walking past my desk…

  • MelissaMcC

    I like this but I don’t make it with oreos. I do rice and corn chex and more pretzels and raisins and leave out the peanuts. And less white chocolate – just sort of a skim of it! Love it!

    • LurelW

      MelissaMcC Plain popcorn with it is really good too! Makes it feel like you aren’t going to get diabetes quite as instantaneously.

  • EricaM

    The before pic looks more like what would come back up after eating all of it.
    UNICOW!!!  http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/045/8/5/iezz_a_unicow_8d_by_bimmerd-d39jk0z.png

  • Christine G

    Alright, I joined deviantART just to share this tasty creation with you all despite workplace firewall BS. 
    And lo, the Candy Crunch Unicow: http://fav.me/d5hhzdb

    • JSmithSisters

      Christine G The dingle-berries totally make this picture!  AWESOME!

      • godkina

        JSmithSisters Christine G Agreed

    • Truffles8761

      Christine G Awesome dingle-berry action!  What does this say about us?  Lovely photoshop job and it’s the dingle-berry we love.

    • Pintester

      Christine G OMG! I’m dying! This is amazing! I can’t… oh Jesus… it’s… I… FUCK!

    • http://manicuresandextrafrostingplease.tumblr.com/ Anabanana37

      Christine G  i specifically love the dingle berries also it defiantly makes this picture super duper

  • LVcash

    Are you having an “off day”? I see several missed opportunities for using the f-word, especially in the mental telling-off of the judgemental grocery store check-out person! ;)

  • Teach381

    Shame the significant other didn’t snap a pic of what i can only imagine was a something about Mary moment, lol

  • Truffles8761

    First off, your pintestees have talent.  That dingle-berry is a thing of beauty.  This pintest…huarf.  Let me re-iterate.  Huarf.  Your execution was fantastic.  No beef with that.  That vile Halloween concoction, “candy corn”, makes my bile rise.  Don’t get me started on the wretched candy pumpkins.  That combination of barely edible Halloween sugar rush is suitable only for the vilest of demons in the lowest boil encrusted ring of Hell.  But hey, good job.

  • ashleyem1991

    excellent call on the pretzels. who the fuck actually eats the little salt covered pieces of cardboard?

  • pharmd2012

    I cannot stop laughing at the whole “unicorn’s fecal sample” statement!!! Totally true! And I agree with Truffles8761: candy corn is vile. Word and literal vomit.

  • Craftpocalypse

    I bet this stuff smells like sweet sugary hades…or like the seasonal aisle of Wal-mart during Easter. Gotta try it.

  • liz mk

    I couldn’t resist, yet I slightly hang my head in shame.
    http://i481.photobucket.com/albums/rr177/forthepeephole/unicow_zpsae793bf2.jpg

    • Kentuckychickrk

      liz mk – That is hilarious… except at first it kinda looks like the uni-cow drank too much Jack Daniels and puked up some candy corn and stuff :P

    • SarahStalcup

      okay, sorry if this comes off snarky, but that is a horse… not a cow… all though the caption is totally awesome. now we need to get one of a unicow tasting the strawberries and cream mug cake. LOL

      • liz mk

        SarahStalcup Oh, it’s totally a horse but ya know, it has cow spots. In the spirit of Pintester, I took great liberty here.

        • renlish

          liz mk SarahStalcup And you are AWESOME for it, liz. lol

    • Pintester

      liz mk Hahahahaah I love the bottle of Jack. NAILED IT.

  • http://lacqueredpaintedpolished.blogspot.com/ Jessi M

    A sticky white substance in your hair? What could it possible be?! *insert There’s Something About Mary reference here”

  • ms mur

    WOW! I think I got a sugar contact high just looking at that!

  • DestiniRichlin

    The Magical Pintester Unicowacorn!
    Like COWABUNGA, only really a cow. And a unicorn. That (obviously) poops candy that gives kids sugar induced crack like euphoria.
    http://i1302.photobucket.com/albums/ag132/Destini_Richlin/cow2_zps28244262.jpg
    Keep up the great work! You always make me laugh! :)

    • Pintester

      DestiniRichlin GAH! I feel like I need to change my whole website design to match this.

      • DestiniRichlin

        Pintester DestiniRichlin I would be honored lol

  • ReginaDiazTorre

    well I think that anything that looks like heroin to the sugar addicted is pretty easy NOT to fail, I mean how can you go wrong with that much sugar in one space? You had me at $6 dollar bottle of sprinkles

  • http://thissillygirlslife.com/ ThisSillyGirlsLife

    Not bad! Looks like a sugar coma waiting to happen.
    http://ThisSillyGirlsLife.com

  • DigitalChick

    Apparently I’m not the only one with way too much free time. Here’s my unicow!
    http://taylorrennford.com/unicow.jpg

    • Pintester

      DigitalChick I turn my back for ONE SECOND and you guys totally over-run my place with unicows. I love it!

  • ChelleCrew
    • vimNvigor

      ChelleCrew that is the single most disturbing thing I’ve seen today. No more internets for me.

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  • DianneBehenWithers

    You are killing me this morning! Unicorn fecal sample, perfect. Clearly I should have read the directions on this. I poured the  melted almond bark on the sheet first then heaped my stuff on top of it. It actually turned out. I was super excited as this was one of my first successful pins.

  • BonniePott

    Oh…my…gawd!  You are too unbelievably funny.  I haven’t been able to stop reading since I came across your blog yesterday.  Every time a co-worker walks by I have to quickly minimize my screen.  lol  I just about died laughing about your bit about the Unicow poop!!  Then I looked up and realized I was getting stares (more like GLARES) from my co-workers.  I was going to try and explain about collecting fecal matter from magical unicorn-like cows…but decided not to even try.  Keep up the good work!!

  • HeidiDeCoursey

    I think I might enjoy your blog more if you didn’t intentionally try to screw everything up.