I usually decorate my porch for Halloween. The neighbors then tend to sort of glance at my house incredulously and then walk faster until they’re well away from my property line. Bunch of party-poopers. Some people just don’t appreciate the magic of fake spiderwebs and purple LED lights.
Anyway, I thought I’d add a new element to my porch decor this year:
These ghosts are made out of tomato cages, white Christmas lights, and sheets, all of which I happened to have.
The tomato cages are from my failed tomato adventure from a few summers ago. (I planted four tomato plants and got three tomatoes… total.)
The Christmas lights actually lit up the whole way when I plugged them in (which I guarantee you they won’t do when it’s time to put them out for Christmas).
And I happen to have a bunch of extra white flat sheets because the fitted ones always rip and I can’t bring myself to throw away the perfectly-fine top sheet even though I don’t have a matching fitted sheet anymore.
Please ignore that my stairs are dirty. I did vacuum them last week but I have a dog, and lo, she is hairy.
I should have followed the directions and bent the bottom of the tomato cage into a softer shape (you’ll see why momentarily), but instead I just masking-taped that shit together and started stringing lights.
I must admit to thinking I might be able to kill two birds with one stone here because I’d seen a pin for a Christmas tree made out of a tomato cage and Christmas lights, too.
But to be honest, even I wouldn’t put this fugliness on my porch at Christmas. And I’m tacky.
I reasoned, though, that it would probably look better once I put the sheet on it.
Well… it looked less like a fugly Christmas tree…
And more like I was trying to make a historical diorama of a KKK rally. Jesus, I cannot put this on my porch. I didn’t even bother to put eyes and a mouth on it because there was no way.
My dog agreed with me. She gave me judgey-face.
(Complete with glowing moster-eyes to put a point on it. Ha, point. Get it? Get it?)
So, yeah, the scary, politically incorrect KKK tomato cage ghost was disassembled and will never see the spooky Halloween dark-of-night of my porch because it’s too fucking embarrassing.
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