Homemade Facial Chemical Peels

1 Posted by - November 9, 2012 - DIY & Crafts, Hair & Beauty

So, here’s what was going on at my house yesterday…

(If you can’t see the video, click here.)

I know, I should really just have packed up my laptop and got the fuck out, but I had to do this pin test for you guys. And I am just that dedicated. So while a fleet of dudes with ladders banged my house (poor house), I mixed up concoctions of chemicals in my kitchen.

Because I decided to try facial chemical peels. Yes, plural peels. (YOLO LOL.)

Image from Girls Cosmo

There are two peels to try here: an AHA peel and a BHA peel. You can read the flimsy scientifical talk over on the original post, but I don’t think it makes that much difference.

A little background: I try not to be entirely stupid about the pins I test, guys. This is not Jackass for Pinterest. I don’t want to die, or break any bones, or get my lady-parts smashed by flying debris.

So I read the instructions before I started to make sure that there was little actual chance of my face falling off or scabbing over entirely. I felt pretty safe, given that the “strongest” ingredient in any of this was a crushed up aspirin. Give me some credit. I’m not going to put pure bleach on my face or anything.

So I began with the AHA peel. This one involves yogurt and sugar. In my defense, the post didn’t say what kind of yogurt or whether it had to be fresh.

I decided not to eat the extra expired non-fat lemon yogurt for my breakfast. But I was tempted.

The post also said to mix the yogurt and sugar into a “granulated paste,” but gave no measurements, so I started with maybe a tablespoon of yogurt and then added sugar. Like 5 tablespoons of sugar later, it was still not a granulated paste, so I gave up and just decided to go with it.

Houston, we have drippage.

Still, I managed to leave it on for the prescribed ten minutes, and then I rinsed it off with cold water.

Here’s the Before And After.

And, no, I am not really sure why I continue to do weird things to my face for non-results like this.

Disappointed in the magic of yogurt and sugar, I moved on to the BHA chemical peel, which seemed like it might make more of a difference. After all, this one involved something that actually might be considered a chemical.

It also involved me smooshing up an aspirin in my kitchen in full view of the people pressure-washing my house. So I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a visit soon from the police to make sure I’m not running a meth lab up in here or something.

“No, Officer, I was just smooshing up an aspirin to put on my face. No, seriously. It’s my job. Like, my full-time job. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Anyway, then you just have to sprinkle lemon juice on it and make another paste. Again, no measurements given. I have no idea how much lemon I used.

This one also involves a baking soda and water “neutralizer” for use to get the acid off your face. And no measurements, again. So I guessed.

This one was a little more fun to apply, and it got nice and crusty before the ten minutes were up, so I felt like it might actually be doing something.

And the baking soda neutralizer was fun. Here’s another amazing Before And After.

Oh the difference! I mean, I look like a troll in the Before and a total babe in the After, right?

Yeah, ok. I couldn’t see any difference either.

On the plus side, my face did not break out, turn red, or otherwise suffer from doing two “chemical peels” in a row. So, you know, if you’ve got some expired yogurt or a smooshed aspirin around, and a spare ten minutes of your life that you don’t really care if you get back, try it. You won’t die.

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  • J.La

    LOL Why are you making the Wallace and Grommit face?!  I saw these pins too and I’m sitting there late one night thinking.. okay, maybe greek yogurt? I don’t have sugar but I have honey. So I mixed up a small cup and sat back down at the computer and omg! somebody ate it. It was me. I’m glad I don’t have to do the experiment now though. So thanks for that.

  • m_pinning

    I think I see a difference. The pictures seem to indicate that you went from “skeptical” to “hopeful” to “pass the vodka”.

  • godkina

    Um….am I blind or was that yogurt really from MAY?!?!  Dude, I have old stuff in my fridge,  but MAY?! After 4 months doesn’t yogurt get fuzzy and give birth to new Fun-Guy?  (insert slutty condiment comment here)

  • ShhutTheFrontDoor

    Obviously your yogurt wasn’t old enough.  I bet at least your face isn’t yeasty now!

  • Christine G

    – Ground Control to Major Pintester, Operational guidelines as follows: add moist stuff in small amounts to dry granular stuff until sufficiently moist and granular for exfoliating smearage to avoid drippage (these are very precise, technical instructions here, no deviations accepted regardless of capsule-banging crew issues). Chemical reaction not guaranteed. Do a Science! End transmission —

  • JoyLuVasquez

    When I read the title I actually got a little scared for you. Chemical peel made me think acid slowly sizzling the skin off your face as you drank your Tom Collins and tried to get it off… So glad it didn’t work!

  • dallaschancey1

    Is it supposed to look like another liquid bodily substance?? You might want to use your labia shaped soap to clean it off!

  • KpQuePasa

    I have to be honest – that picture of the drippage made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

  • KungFuAlex

    I’ve never put it on my face, but I did use BC powder (crushed up aspirin essentially) and distilled water made into a paste to shrink scarring.  I had an angry ear piercing that was growing a gross little nubbin and I used the BC powder paste on it overnight for several nights and it completely shrunk up.

  • http://ginamonster.blogspot.com/ Ginamonster

    Once upon a long time ago, I met a nun in her 70′s who looked like she was in her 30′s. She said her secret was a nightly plain yogurt facial.
    I started giving myself one too. That lasted a couple of months, at least. That was over ten years ago so I don’t remember if it worked, but I’m now 35 and the census lady told me last week that I look 28. It could be the yogurt facials in my youth, or the fact that she woke me up from a nap on a lazy Saturday.

  • stellaglo

    the real aspirin mask is six sprain and enough water to make a paste. it’s not pretty, but it does work. you will know you have it on. only five minutes, please!

    • stellaglo

      hahhahhahaha. aspirin.

  • LeahKer

    Your video scared the shit out of my cat.  Also, I will not be doing these things to my face but as a reader I appreciate you taking one for the team!  ;-P

    • pharmd2012

      LeahKer I had the volume turned up from a YouTube video and my dog freaked out. He is still trying to find the dog…’is he in your computer-thingy or at the front door?! I can’t find him!’

  • Truffles8761

    I’m particularly fond of your trademark shit-eating grin.  No matter what you’re testing, I can always count on that.

  • JessicaRWebb

    Thanks to your doggie and your video, my rescue muttley still hasn’t shut up. Seriously, it’s been like 10 minutes, my oldest child is awake now, and I’m wondering exactly who ate the yogurt that was left in the fridge from like, last year……anyway, I’m really glad your face didn’t fall off!

  • DigitalChick

    I just watched this video, and your dog sent my dog into a barking tizzy. He’s out in the backyard now trying to find your dog. And if you were here, he would lick that non-granulated stuff off your face for sure.

  • CrystalKYuhhyzaguirre

    Try the glue blackhead remover.

  • michellynn11

    Found your blog today as my mom and I were discussing failed crafts we have attempted… it was a lengthy conversation! Read every single post for the past 4 hours… laughed my ass off!! I’m a civil engineering major and fucking up crafts keeps me sane :)

    • Christine G

      michellynn11 I’m a Landscape Architect working with civil engineers – laughing at craft fuckups during work keeps me sane ^_~

  • JenBusseau

    The girl in the original pin’s photo looks a bit like you. Also you have the best facial expressions, especially in the video you posted. I have the link to your blog on my blog (which focuses on nail art, being a weirdo and …well just mostly being a weirdo and nail polish). Here is the link FYI in case you want to make sure that it’s not secretly a blog dedicated to something horrible: http://normalisok.blogspot.com/

  • Drakeland

    I suddenly have an urge to watch There’s Something About Mary. Or not. Cause I’m not 20 anymore. Damnit.

  • HeatherBunchWilliams

    The first peel looks like your Hubby was doing naughty things to your face. I’m just saying…

  • KatherynBeerman

    actually, your skin looks brighter, more of a glow in the after pictures. though, that may be from an organic facial. It’s ok, you don’t have to talk about it, we’ve all been there.

  • https://www.facebook.com/pages/Black-Women-With-Other-Brothers/180996238697983?ref=hl BWWithOtherBrothers

    Please stop with the faces. You gave good advice I used some of those peels and have for years for some reason the faces really annoyed me. Play it straight and let your good satirical writing mug.

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  • dollarcraft

    I live for the faces.

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  • zitz mcgee

    i do use a paste of plain aspirin and water on zits and I love it. if I have one that’s really knarley, I’ll just break an aspirin in half and band-aid it to the zit for 10-15 min.

  • dani

    You are supposed to use 4 uncoated aspirin pills and 5 tablespoons of lemon juice. Then you wait for the aspirin pills to dissolve naturally in the lemon juice and then apply it on your face.

  • Lauren

    for the AHA you need to use plain greek yogurt and it needs to be fresh. You also have to use turbinado sugar…it cant be the white processed granulated sugar. I used about 2-3 tablespoons of yogurt and 3 packs of sugar.

  • Jamie Lynn Haeuser

    This worked well for me! Thnks for the tip yo!