Y’all, I don’t give a flying crap about Valentine’s Day, except as an excuse to find chocolate on sale at Walgreen’s the day after. I am of the slightly grouchy opinion that it’s a holiday made up by card companies to facilitate the buying of 35 Transformers or Winnie the Pooh perforated fucking cards so that you can pick the dumbest ones to give to the kid you like least in your class. (Fine. Maybe I have some past hurts I need to get over…)
But Valentine’s Day is also right close to National Wear Red Day, a campaign to make women aware of their risk of heart disease. Heart disease claims the lives of nearly 500,000 American women every year, but it’s often written off as something that only older men need to worry about. National Wear Red Day’s mission is to combat this misconception and raise awareness among women. It was February 1st this year, so I’m fashionably late, but I thought I’d do a manicure in tribute.
I started with a base of white.
And in case you’re wondering what color, it’s Revlon “White On White.” (You had one job, clever nail polish namers at Revlon.) It’s super old and probably discontinued.
I decided to free-hand the hearts, because no good could come of it, and I’m in the business of No Good. Surprisingly, it didn’t fail that hard.
(I don’t know what color this is because it came in a little Christmas gift set with like 4 tiny nail polishes. O.P.I. something-or-other. If I were the nail polish namer, I’d probably go with “Menstrual Period Day 2” or something… so it’s a good thing that’s not my job.)
The one on my right hand was slightly more deformed because I painted it with my left hand.
I thought about free-handing the little EKG heart-waves or whatever you call them with just the nail polish brush, but ultimately decided to go with the highly technical toothpick method.
If you’re following along at home, I found that a dotting method is far superior to a dragging method. Although, if you’re like me and totally fucked up one of your nails while painting a heart on your non-dominant hand and then had to go back and smooth it out and put an extra coat of white on, you’re going to be in a world of trouble no matter what. Just sayin’.
From far away, they’re not so bad really.
But, close-up they’re pretty much a hot mess. [Insert favorite quote from Clueless here: “Full-on Monet. From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.”]
Yeah, whoever was hooked up to the EKG on my right hand had an incurable arrhythmia or something.
Have fun creating your own wacky Valentine’s Day/National Wear Red Day manicure, and be sure to keep your heart health in mind, because I love you and I don’t want you to die, ok?