Cinnamon Roll Waffles

2 Posted by - March 25, 2013 - Food & Drink

Sometimes my ineptitude is fortuitous. Allow me to explain. Today, I decided to try the cinnamon roll waffles I’ve seen on Pinterest.

To be honest, I had visions of ruining my waffle iron and/or burning down my kitchen… because that’s how cooking adventures tend to go at my house. The thing is, though, now that I’m the Pintester, it doesn’t bother me as much. Burning down my kitchen would just be the ultimate blog post, right? I mean, it would probably go viral or something, and I’d earn enough money to rebuild my kitchen. And, bonus, I could get rid of my piece-of-shit microwave that will not die. Win-win, as I see it.

So, emboldened by the hope of a remodeled kitchen, I hauled out my waffle iron and plugged it in.

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While it was heating up, I puttered around in the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher and destroying evidence of fast food consumption. (The calories don’t count if no one ever finds out about them, right?)

Only when I opened the waffle iron to put on the cinnamon rolls did I realize that my waffle iron is a mini waffle iron– much, much smaller than the one pictured in the source blog post. Hell.

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Also, my cinnamon rolls were strangely much less beautiful than the be-swirled ones on the source post, but I was really much more concerned about the size of my waffle iron. Sometimes size does matter. It’s just a fact of life. I briefly debated trying to put only two cinnamon rolls on the waffle iron and somehow distributing them among the tiny waffle shaped holes, but ultimately I had to think fast before it cooled off, so I just stuck one cinnamon roll in each hole, squished them down, and prayed.

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I should also mention that I did remember to spray the waffle iron with cooking spray. It’s a non-stick waffle iron, but it hasn’t actually been non-stick in many years. So I spray that sucker even when I’m making regular waffles.

The original blog post made a big point of saying you should be sure to check your cinnamon rolls frequently and don’t rely on the beeping, but I was afraid to look. So I just waited. I let it all cook and steam until the waffle iron beeped to tell me it was done.

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When I opened the lid, this happened:

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I was momentarily afraid that I’d forgotten to spray the top part and they would be stuck forever and ever amen, but I managed to get the cinnamon rolls off easily with a fork. (I find that a good fork cures many ills.)

Here’s where I began to really wonder why this whole experiment didn’t implode as I sort of expected it to… My waffle iron is tiny. My cinnamon rolls looked weird. My cooking spray skills are fair to middling, at best. So why did it turn out so well?

The reason, ironically, is that I fucked it all up before I even began by choosing the wrong cinnamon rolls.

These are the ones I was supposed to get:

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These are the ones I actually got:

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Yes, apparently it’s actually the size of the cinnamon roll that matters more than the size of the waffle iron. (Hear that, Pillsbury Dough Boy? It’s all on you.) So if you have a small waffle iron like me, the cute little bitty cinnamon rolls totally work.

If you have a cavernous waffle iron, you need the extra large cinnamon rolls to fill it up.

Science.

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Also, these cinnamon roll waffles are totally a success. Delicious, especially with the creamy, sticky, gooey frosting. Mm.

P.S. PENIS! I thought I could make it through this entire post without actually using the word “penis,” but I can’t. You should now go back and re-read and replace every instance of “cinnamon roll” with “penis.” The end.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/hippie2mars Leslie Nick Monroe

    I tried this too, and it turned out awful! I’m glad you had success though. :-)

  • becky

    Omg you crack me up! I guess I will have to try these since they worked out ok for you. ;)

  • pins&needles

    Always use non-stick spray because although size may or may not matter, lubrication is always very important.

  • kk

    I actually prefer those little cinnamon rolls over the grands. I don’t know how this relates to my sex life…

    • pins&needles

      Well, I think it means that your “waffle iron” is not “cavernous”.

  • Jeannie

    Penis in a waffle iron? Sounds like a recipe to try out with the boyfriend…

    • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

      I maybe should have mentioned that you should also substitute “vagina” for “waffle iron,” but I sort of thought that would be too obvious… I claim no responsibility if someone ends up using a waffle iron as a sex toy.

  • Amanda

    I was reading this out loud to my son since he loves to hear people talk. When I got to the P.S. part I said that out loud as well, just as my husbanding was coming downstairs. I think my husband believes I am more immature than my nine month old. All well, but I am glad it was a mistaken success for you dear!

  • http://twitter.com/maesielou133 Maesie Saffle

    I am SO proud of you. (;

  • http://twitter.com/loislolane Lauren

    I may just christen my waffle iron with this recipe…the penises will be a perfect way to take its virginity.

  • Mari

    My lack of a “waffle Iron” is making me feel very unfeminine right now.

    • http://www.facebook.com/katherine.horejsi.1 Katherine Horejsi

      I didn’t know that anyone ACTUALLY owned one, I thought they only existed on Pinterest. You live and learn!

  • Carol

    “Also, these ‘penis’ waffles are totally a success. Delicious, especially with the creamy, sticky, gooey frosting. Mm.”

    Just following directions … penis waffles sound iffy, but the creamy, sticky, gooey frosting makes so much more sense now!

  • Kim

    If I could replace every instance of a cinnamon roll with a penis, I’d be a lot thinner (and a lot better at bj’s, too, I bet).

  • Breenah

    You have inspired me.

    • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

      That? Is fan-fucking-tastic.

      • Breenah

        Thankies :D Pretty sure it’s gonna get printed off for my kitchen.

    • Katykersh

      You could market these! I would totally buy one for my kitchen!

      • Breenah

        I’ve been tempted to open an Etsy store for gits and shiggles, but feel free to save that one and print it yourself if you’d like.

        • http://www.facebook.com/tina.hershorin Tina Tome

          consider it stolen.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sknymnie Jen Kistner

    I have a sandwich maker, no waffle iron…I wonder if they would work in it?!?
    http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/hamilton-beach-sandwich-maker/ID=prod6110754-product?ext=gooHousehold_PLA_Small_Appliances_and_Housewares_prod6110754_pla&adtype={adtype}&kpid=prod6110754&sst=7642b547-cb37-79c8-42fc-00005798e8bc

    • Kristina

      Never know until you try!

    • Laura Walstra

      Try it. As a baking and pastry student I wished I had a sandwich maker. I would put that thing in retirement trying out everything on it. Strudel dough, cinnamon rolls, quick bread, etc. :)

  • Kelly724

    If I stuck penis in each hole and squished them down, you bet your ass I’d be praying too. By the way, since the original pin photo has a squirrel with rabies in the background, you should have improvised and put that octopus that looks like a sperm that you made out of your sock next to the plate. Fits with the penis theme.

  • Tara H.

    “but I managed to get the penis off easily with a fork…. My penis looked weird…”

    Puh. No fuckin’ doubt!!!

  • Tara H.

    “but I managed to get the penis off easily with a fork… My penis looked weird.”

    Puh. No fuckin’ doubt!!

  • http://profiles.google.com/im.jrose Jodee Rose

    I am sick and tired of the conspiracy put forth by Pillsbury and the like. Look at the picture on the biscuit-like rolls. They psych you out and make you THINK you are buying real cinnamon rolls, but no… they are inferior biscuits with a hint of cinnamon. And there is no way to tell them apart. I feel outrage and betrayal every time I open a can and find out that there is NO SWIRLY HAPPINESS. There is just a doughy impostor. This has to stop.

  • kloey74

    We’ve been doing this one for a while now and ours turn out even weirder shaped then yours, but that doesn’t stop anyone in my house fom eating them–even my son who can be OCDish. We expected him to take one look and say that was neither a waffle OR a cinnamon roll. Somehow we got him to taste it and he gobbled it up. Oh and ours always stick to the top and get pulled off with fork.

    • http://www.facebook.com/katherine.horejsi.1 Katherine Horejsi

      You said “pulled off”.

    • D1980

      Well, no two peni will be the same

  • http://www.facebook.com/katherine.horejsi.1 Katherine Horejsi

    Aaaaah you have wisdom beyond your years Obi Wan Pintester. So I did the penis replacement exercise as instructed in the P.S. and discovered why I didn’t get married ’til i was 40: “The reason, ironically, is that I fucked it all up before I even began by choosing the wrong penis”. I suspect there may be other hidden messages in your posts. ;-)

  • Elizabeth S

    Nothing like creamy, sticky, gooey frosting and a penis!

  • Catherine

    You know…you can’t say happiness without penis.

  • http://twitter.com/AshleyBeeCooks Ashley Bee

    Good to know it actually works! I have a shiny new waffle iron that I’ll try out on this :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ethne-Hedren-Denham/100000830136133 Ethne Hedren Denham

    Pretty sure you’re set for this week’s round-up.

  • 603girl

    I fucked it all up before I even began by choosing the wrong PENIS.

    cute little bitty PENISES totally work

  • Matthew

    “…I had to think fast before it cooled off, so I just stuck one penis in each hole, squished them down, and prayed.”

    *shudder*

    • http://www.facebook.com/AlohaDuchess Samantha Fink

      Ok, I think I just peed my pants laughing at this and I’m stuck at work for another six hours…I’m sure all the guys in my office think I’m a complete freak.

  • http://www.facebook.com/hector.urbina.549 Hector Urbina

    “To be honest, I had visions of ruining my vagina” huh? Well, if I had a vagina, I would shove things down there hoping to fuck it up too.

  • annmic

    “so I just stuck one cinnamon roll in each hole” sounds like a normal Saturday night at my house.

  • http://twitter.com/tbcoutts Tanya

    “So if you have a small ‘vagina’ like me, the cute little bitty ‘penises’ totally work. If you have a cavernous ‘vagina’, you need the extra large ‘penises’ to fill it up.” Teehee – loved this post even more after reading the P.S!

  • Jessica Fallows

    I managed to get the penis off easily with a fork!!! lololol….

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  • http://www.facebook.com/joanna.pendleton Joanna Likness Pendleton

    Maybe I should try this, since I can’t seem to make actual waffles on my waffle iron…

  • http://twitter.com/crazeecurlgurl Elizabeth M

    I have to say, i can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. I’m glad to know middle school humor never really dies. lol

  • Pintater

    1. Kim deserves an award, because I think she just invented Cinnabon lube. 2. Try harder to fuck up. I was expecting you to use biscuits with cinnamon sprinkled on them. For some reason, your success makes me sad.

  • Gemini Girl

    Pretty sure I peed a little laughing so hard. How do you come up with this stuff???? Well played Pintester…well played lol

  • Kaylah Mitchell

    Your Penis waffles look better than the original penis waffles!

  • http://twitter.com/shmcmullin Sarah McMullin

    The kismet of this whole post is glorious. “I fucked it up so much it came out perfectly.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/janetb21 Janet Bolenbaugh

    I’m impressed, I totally managed to screw this up, myself. They burned. Big time. Huge, awful, burnt on sugar mess on my poor waffle iron. And I’d sprayed it and everything! But I think it was the waffle iron. Mine is a regular waffle iron, not a Belgian waffle iron. I think that made the difference. Although I did use the little cinnamon rolls.

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  • Monica Reardon

    “Also, my penises were strangely much less beautiful than the be-swirled ones on the source post, but I was really much more concerned about the size of my vagina.”

  • Staciehew

    I wish the entire internet was made up of the Pintestes. I love reading the comments as much as the posts. Everyone on this blog rocks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nancy.little.9237 Nancy Little

    thank you! I had seen the post several times also but since you “pretested” I decided to do it myself. Used the same small cinnamon rolls you did and guess what! They stuck to the top of my waffle iron also! They are awesome! Love your blog…look forward to your newsletter weekly but usually I have already checked to see what you tested out prior to receiving it! Keep up the good work!

  • Amanda Fox

    Your post inspired me to try this this morning. It was a pintastrophe. My first two were burnt, my second two stuck to the waffle iron, and the last one was undercooked because I prefer that to burnt. I wonder how many times the original blogger tried it before they posted it. I’m undeterred though. I will try this until I master it because cinnamon rolls are my biggest weakness. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/shannon.martin.963 Shannon Martin

    Well I tried this with the same cinnamon rolls you used and all I managed to do was give myself another chore to do because cleaning my waffle iron after this endeavor was a BITCH! I even used cooking spray. My poor kids, they were so disappointed.

  • Evelyn

    Why do you have to cus while blogging? I was going to pin this to my board, but decided not to, wouldn’t want anyone to read that kind of language. Clean up your act, not everyone wants to read trash.

    • Brenda Currier

      Because the majority of us godless assholes who frequent pintester.com love it in particular because she doesn’t hide the fact that she’s a trashy sailor mouth just like us. There are plenty of Martha Stewart tutorials for you elsewhere on pinterest. Move along. Keep your act dirty, Sonja. Loving it! :-P

    • Yarnoven

      Why should she have to conform to the likes of you? This absolutely KILLS me when people DEMAND bloggers do something differently because it doesn’t subscribe to their world view. Sorry, sweetheart, she can curse all she wishes because she is not in this world to please Evelyn. If you don’t like it there are PLENTY of other sources to find it.

    • Saitaina Moricia-Malfoy

      And some of us DO want to read such “trash”, considering it appeals to us as coming from someone who’s like us (ie, curses, drinks, throws the word penis around). Don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.

  • susieq

    I was going to print this, but I think I’ll find another without the offensive language.
    What happened to common decency?

    • Pixie Stix

      If you are looking for “common decency” this is not the place. This is the place where she is “Failing at Pinterest pins so you don’t have to.” She just happens to cuss and drink booze while she’s doing it. If you are looking for something more mainstream, that you can show your eight-year-old, here is a wide selection: http://pintester.com/2013/05/the-pintester-movement-craft-all-the-things/

      Basically, a group of people who do Pinterest pins, yet also understand Sonja’s humor without having to duplicate it.

      She is who she is. If you don’t like it, move along. The internet is big enough for everybody.

    • JenM

      What happened to common decency? Probably got lost along with that stick that’s shoved up your ass.