You guys have been asking me to do this one for over a year now, I think, but it involves fire, and I am scared of fire (among many other things), so I put it off… until now. Yes, it’s the plastic spoon flower.
What makes it even scarier? The directions are in a language I cannot even begin to comprehend, except that “DIY” is apparently the same in all languages…
Problem number one occurred fairly quickly. I couldn’t figure out how the hell to cut the handles off the spoons, since my only idea of using a box cutter did not work at all. Husband saved the day with a pair of wire cutters that he just happened to have on his person when I just happened to ask what he might theoretically use to cut plastic spoon handles. (Boys are weird.) But it worked.
Spoons thus de-handled, I began.
Tip #1: Plastic spoons can get scorch marks. (Perhaps this is why they spray-painted the rose black in the original pin…)
Tip #2: Plastic spoons can also burst into flame.
Tip #3: When you are the Pintester, screaming swear words at the top of your lungs does not bring anyone running into the room to help. Even the dog just assumes you’re testing something, and you haven’t died yet if you’re still making noise, and everything’s probably fine.
This is usually true. In this case, I just blew out the flame and continued on putting together the center of my rose.
I don’t even want to think about what kind of disgusting fucking cancer plastic spoons cause, because when you melt them, they get pleasingly gooey, but not all that hot, and you can squish them together and then they harden almost immediately back into plastic-spoon hardness. It’s not right.
Not right, but addictively fun.
The first 2 sections of the flower came together with relatively little fuss (and/or screaming/swearing).
It took me until about the seventh or eighth spoon to realize that the technique of actually holding the whole bowl over the flame instead of just running the edges around the flame is faster and produces more petal-like results.
And then it took me until the eighth or ninth spoon to realize you can burn a hole in them.
And here’s also where things started going all to shit. While the first two layers came together, no problem, I began to realize that the bottom layer and the middle layer were not going to cooperate. No amount of holding pieces of plastic over flame and sticking them together was producing any sort of satisfying result. As soon as I’d get one petal to stick, another one would snap right the fuck off. And they kept catching on fire.
I tried everything. I melted a few together and tried to attach 2 or 3 at once.
I tried attaching them one at a time.
I tried holding them together while torching them with my lighter.
I even tried sticking them together using one of the discarded spoon handles. Yeah. No.
I tried to make this damn thing work for probably an hour or so, inhaling carcinogenic plastic fumes all the while.
When I finally gave up and pushed away from the table, stood up, and went to open a window, I was dizzy and felt awful.
(Side note: There are several possibilities besides spoon fumes as to the cause of my general feeling of grossness. I had also eaten a really old egg for breakfast and drank lots of Diet Coke for lunch, both of which can cause a general horky feeling. Add to that the fact that I had a little wine hangover, and the spoon fumes may only have been one factor in an ill cocktail.)
I thought I was going to hurl, but I’m sort of glad I didn’t. If I’m going to puke from a pin test, I would rather it be from drinking heavily or eating something really, really gross. Not from inhaling plastic spoon fumes.
Anyway, the results were unsatisfactory all around. I ended up with a dumbass-looking scorched-all-to-hell not-flower thing and a lingering nausea. Maybe “DIY” in this case really means, “Don’t Inhale. Yech.”
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