Sour Patch Grapes a.k.a. Glitter Grapes

0 Posted by - April 1, 2013 - Food & Drink

I’m trying to eat healthy, dudes. I utterly failed yesterday. It was Easter. There were chocolate bunnies and casseroles and deviled eggs and jellybeans and Havarti cheese and I was weak. So today I made a healthy snack from Pinterest.

These are called sour patch grapes, or glitter grapes.

Image from Pure Sugar

Image from Pure Sugar

Just so you know, I sort of consider myself a Sour Patch Kids connoisseur. For one thing, they’re pretty much the only thing I will eat at Cracker Barrel. (I call it Crapper Barrel.) Also, they are delicious. So I was a bit skeptical about this pin from the get-go. Nothing tastes like Sour Patch Kids except Sour Patch Kids.

But as grapes and sugar-free Jello have considerably fewer calories than Sour Patch Kids, I thought I’d give them a go.

I couldn’t find green grapes at the grocery store, so I figured red grapes would be the same diff.

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I had some leftover Jello from when I bought a bunch to try out my Jello orange slices experiment and then didn’t make all of it, so I got some of that out.

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I know, I know. It’s orange Jello, and I realize it should probably be some flavor more complimentary to red grapes, but gimme a break, guys. I wasn’t going to go to the grocery store specifically to find red-or-pink Jello. Orange will do. And, as always, if you don’t like that I’m fucking up the recipe, feel free to send me the proper ingredients:

Sonja Foust
PMB 221
4711 Hope Valley Rd Ste 4F
Durham, NC 27707

Not even kidding a little bit.

On my first grape-coating attempt, I used a spoon as the original blog post suggested. It sort of worked.

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But it wasn’t really that fun, and when I’m doing something weird like rolling grapes around in dry Jello, I feel like it should be more fun. Really, anything involving rolling anything (anyone?) around in any sort of Jello should be fun, am I right? (That was a joke for those of you who like the ladies. The rest of you can re-join me in the next paragraph. Straight dudes and lesbians, I hope you are now thinking about your girl of choice rolling around in Jello. You’re welcome.)

Anyways, for the next round of grapes, I just tossed ‘em around on the plate until they were well coated. It was super fun. I was totally pretending I was on a cooking show tossing skillet things in the air and lighting things on fire.

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Also, this technique worked just as well, if not better, than the boring spoon way.

I made a bunch and then stuck them in the refrigerator for an hour. I don’t know why. The blog post told me to. Really, I think it wouldn’t have mattered either way because the Jello was not really that wet, and it was never boiled, so it didn’t have to… you know… Jello itself.

So they looked about the same when I took them out of the refrigerator. Which is to say they looked a little bit like black olives rolled smooshed orange something.

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Not really that appetizing. My fault. I should have used pink Jello, I realize. Don’t make these for a potluck. (And don’t make me send you to the Oh, You Don’t Like It? page, because I totally will.)

As to the taste? Nothing like Sour Patch Kids. In fact, they tasted strangely similar to… grapes. The Jello didn’t really come through except as a texture thing that wasn’t entirely pleasant. You know how sometimes if you order scallops you get a little bit of sand in a few bites? Yeah.

They weren’t terrible, but they are not a drastic improvement over plain old grapes, either. So I think I’ll be sticking with plain old grapes in the future.

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  • http://profiles.google.com/im.jrose Jodee Rose

    I just imagined rolling my husband around in jello… and hair… stuck to jello cubes. I don’t like you right now.

    • pins&needles

      I was picturing the exact same thing! Well, not your husband, my husband. I really want to unimagine that now.

      • Amanda

        Thanks to both of you -____- a sticky jello perma sweater. Thanks for that…

  • Anonymous

    it looks like cheeto dust.

    that probably would’ve turned out better if you had used cheeto dust. it probably would have been an interesting flavor, at least.

    • Rebecks

      I would totally eat a heaping pile of black olives rolled in Cheeto dust.

  • http://twitter.com/theWrightG GMW

    So, jello is (in legend, at least) made from ground horse bones. You ate horse coated balls. Sour horse balls, if you will.

    • http://www.facebook.com/crystalyzaguirre0712 Crystal Kelly Yzaguirre

      jello is made from animal fat.

      • http://www.facebook.com/katherine.horejsi.1 Katherine Horejsi

        No it isn’t, otherwise you’d have a big oil slick on top of it when you added the water. It is gelatin though which is often (unless it’s vegan) produced by boiling bones. It doesn’t taste of animals though…very clever stuff!

        • http://www.facebook.com/heidi.g.pines Heidi Greiser Pines

          Crystal is right. I actually saw a story (thank you CBS Sunday Morning) about gelatin. The CEO of the gelatin company said that the hooves and bones theories are just urban myths. It’s made from the layer of fat just under the skin which they buy from meat companies so that they are not slaughtering animals just to make jello. They are simply not letting an already slaughtered animal go to waste. There’s your fun fact for the week.

          • http://www.facebook.com/katherine.horejsi.1 Katherine Horejsi

            The hooves and bones thing is more than theory, it’s actually an industrial process! Yes, the skin is used too but gelatin is not fat derived, it’s a protein usually found in cartilaginous tissue such as at the ends of long bones (mostly in cows and pigs in this case). In the absence of a binding ingredient (like flour or other artificial emulsifier) fat and water don’t mix…you know how your salad dressing separates. As such, if you mixed ground fat with hot water (per the packet instructions) you would have a separation that could not solidify the water…or to summarise: it wouldn’t set! I don’t think anyone was suggesting that animals were slaughtered just for their bones, that would be mental, the discussion was just about the constituents.

    • Kayla Rose

      So is everything ever made with gelatin, including every kind of delicious gummy lolly that ever existed. Only vegans are usually bothered by that, and as a vegetarian, even that’s not taking gummy bears away from me.

    • http://twitter.com/theWrightG GMW

      I was just making a nut joke, y’all.

  • LadyRita

    The grapes look like a present my puppy gave me when he ate a nylon rope. That’s the gift the keeps on giving. Not one penis/dick joke. You are slipping, woman!

    • Jennmarie68

      That’s two posts in a row now. I’m starting to get worried about her :-)

  • KT

    They probably would have worked better if you used green grapes…Green grapes are often a little “sour” or tart, so add in the tartness of the jello and it probably would’ve done a little more for ya :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jasi.lee.7 Jasi Lee

    my husband and i call the cracker barrel that also. we were dragged there by some friends while on vacay together one night, explaining how cute and quaint and kitchy it was. result? 6 grown adults fighting over 2 bathrooms for an entire evening. the grapes look vile but add some visual to my story, if you catch my drift. so thanks for that.

  • Shelby

    I tried this with green grapes and lime Jello and they were gross. Even the 9 year olds wouldn’t eat them–and this was at a church function where Baby Jesus himself was making sure they were being extra-polite. The overriding problem is that Jello is primarily sugar, not tart. So yeah, mine ended up looking much like yours as green grapes coated in an unpleasant gritty sugar substance.

  • http://twitter.com/AnnAvants Ann Avants

    My mother used to roll wet grapes in sugar and then freeze them. They were very tasty and much more “glittery” than using jello.

  • Carol

    Ha ha ha! Laughing my ass off that you tested this recipe. (Or maybe I should be crying because I actually have real recipes on my blog and this is the only one that seems to get pinned.) Sorry your version sucked, but I stand by my melon fusion version. ;-)

    • http://sonjafoust.com/blog Sonja

      I’m sure your version is MUCH better, Carol! Thanks for the visit!

      • Carol

        I love your site! Actually I feel honored to have been put to the “test!”

  • Chi

    I did this just last Thursday the “right” way, with green grapes and all…and got pretty much the same result. Sandy grapes do not equal up to the candy.

  • Anonymous

    When I was little my mom always made this. But she used a red jello (I can’t remember if it was strawberry or cherry) and red grapes. I always loved them, but I don’t t think they ever tasted like sour patch kids. One another note, she would wash the grapes and then put them in a tubberware container with the dry jello and shook it. Which to me seems like a much easier way.

  • Breenah

    I feel like this is a pointless recipe. Like, what’s wrong with grapes? And I don’t think Jell-O powder should ever be eaten. Also, I stopped at the rolling part to try and figure out what joke you were making and I thought it had to do with pot.

    • Emily

      Don’t worry, I thought drugs too.. ecstasy actually!

  • Adam Carpenter

    You realize that the reason they call it “Cracker Barrel” is because only crackers are allowed there. Like, that’s where old white people go to have their last meals.

  • http://www.facebook.com/katherine.horejsi.1 Katherine Horejsi

    You were tossing balls in jelly. I don’t need to know if the recipe worked out, I’m just happy you were tossing balls in jelly.

  • http://www.quarterlifecrisiscuisine.com/ Ashley Bee

    There are no words for how unappetizing those look. Is there a way to make them alcoholic instead?

    • http://www.facebook.com/amandatripper Amanda Frazier

      I agree, injecting them with vodka probably would have helped, and by the time you got through a few of them, you probably wouldn’t notice how they looked anymore.

    • http://www.facebook.com/patrick.betsy Bethany Patrick

      Look up snozzberries – they’re similar to this, but soaked in wine and awesome :)

  • Liz Lincoln Steiner

    I did this one with the called for green grapes and lime jello. They were…funky. Not good. Basically slimy grapes. And I LOVE sour anything. And, like yours, they didn’t look all pretty.

  • Valerie

    My family calls it the Crack Whore Barrel.

    • Katykersh

      OMG too funny Valerie, my husband refers to everything as “whore” if it has a “or” in it. Examples: Shoppers Drug Mart =Shop “whores” drug mart. etc.

  • Kelly724

    How appropriate for the day after Easter! Looks like rabbit poo with carrots in there. So festive. Makes me want to go eat a chocolate bunny.

  • Nicole

    I’m so glad you tried this and screwed it up for me…when I was pregnant with my daughter, all I wanted to eat for 3 months was Sour Patch Kids. I kept looking at this pin, thinking I should do it. Then I would stuff 2 more handfuls of SPKs in my face, as that seemed easier. Glad to know it wasn’t worth the effort!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ethne-Hedren-Denham/100000830136133 Ethne Hedren Denham

    I wonder if unsweetened Kool-aid powder would make it nice and tart like sour patch kids? That stuff is terrible unless you put a whole bag of sugar in with it. If anyone sends Pintester something, send her KOOL-AID. I would, but I don’t buy that shit.

  • Laurie

    I’ve made these using red and green grapes and cherry jello – they are really good.

  • Chelsea

    I once drove down to Louisiana from Michigan to visit my cousin. Not wanting to drive all that way by myself and not being able to afford a last-minute plane ticket at the time, I hitched a ride with her boyfriend’s parents. The dad insisted on stopping at Cracker Barrel for EVERY MEAL. He said it was the only restaurant that he could “consistently get good food.” *puke*

  • Eleni

    Maybe try freezing the grapes next time? I think I saw that somewhere on Pinterest. It might help with the texture if anything.

  • Monica Reardon

    I just found your blog and am enjoying it far too much! I just have to ask, has anyone ever actually sent you ingredients, if that is indeed your real address?

    • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

      Just this week I got some wonderful gel food dyes from a faithful reader!

  • http://www.facebook.com/kim.sorensennielsen Kim Sorensen-Nielsen

    I thought you were supposed to use kool-aid powder? Maybe that would taste better?

    • Christina Jacobs

      It says Jello in the original recipe.

    • Jacques Russell

      I think Kim is right, Kool-aid is how i’ve always known it.

  • Heather

    I tried these with lemon and strawberry jello mixed, they were awesome, actually tasted like sour patch kids (I froze them too, the fridge doesn’t really work)

  • Max BabyyDoll

    i made them for my baby shower and they were a HUGE hit. green grapes + green apple jello. and red grapes + raspberry jello. they were demolished. also, you need regular jello. not sugar free. not as healthy, but it tastes 100x better