3-Day Military Diet

11 Posted by - May 10, 2013 - Food & Drink

When I kept up a personal blog regularly, the one hard-and-fast rule about things I would not blog about was my weight. Blogging about weight never goes well. It either looks like I’m fishing for a compliment (“Oh, you’re not fat!”), or, if I really am needing to lose a little, I get lots of not-so-helpful advice from everyone, many of whom could stand to lose a few more pounds than me. (Oops, did I say that out loud?)

So this entry is not about weight. It is about a diet. Please don’t give me weight loss advice. I know how it’s done. Please don’t feel obligated to leave empty compliments about the size of my ass. I know what I look like and I know what range I’m supposed to be in, I promise.

Ooh, a little defensive first thing in the morning, aren’t we? It’s probably the lack of calories talking.

Because this week I tried the 3-day military diet.

Supposedly, you can lose up to 10 pounds in three days on this here diet. I never expected to lose 10 pounds. My metabolism moves at about the speed of a comatose sloth (due to Reasons– don’t give me metabolism advice either). I hoped for maybe five pounds. That seems reasonable, right? Hope for half the weight loss of a normal dieter?

I started off not feeling too bad about it. Day 1 was not actually that much different than what I eat normally, except for cutting out the snacks. Plus there was caffeine, which I don’t allow myself too often (although I indulge in celebratory Diet Cokes sometimes).

Breakfast, Day 1

Breakfast, Day 1

I was still feeling pretty good about it at lunch.

Lunch, Day 1

Lunch, Day 1

And, yes, I used measuring cups and spoons to make sure I was getting exactly the right servings of everything, anal-retentive types.

Supper was kind of ginormous. Also, there was ice cream. Diets with ice cream? Sign me up, right?

Supper, Day 1

Supper, Day 1

Day 2 made me crankier. This was significantly less food than I usually eat and following on the heels of a snackless Day 1, I was not happy about it.

Breakfast, Day 2

Breakfast, Day 2

Also, a cup of cottage cheese is a lot of cottage cheese. Blergh.

Lunch, Day 2

Lunch, Day 2

Supper, Day 2 (Not pictured: 1/2 cup of ice cream)

Supper, Day 2 (Not pictured: 1/2 cup of ice cream)

By the end of Day 2, I was suffering from major brain fog. I tried to put the cottage cheese back in the pantry instead of the refrigerator. I was so hungry that I ate dinner kind of early, which turned out to be a mistake because by 9:00 or so, I was ravenous again. I took to muttering vaguely intelligible phrases under my breath, like, “diet schmiet,” and, “mmm delicious popcorn,” and, “fucking shitass damn poop horrid cock bitch whore.”

I’d like to tell you that I didn’t cheat at all, but I snuck two extra Saltines so that my stomach wouldn’t start eating itself.

I felt a little better the next morning– more positive about the whole thing, at least.

Breakfast, Day 3

Breakfast, Day 3

Lunch pretty much broke my spirit, though.

Lunch, Day 3

Lunch, Day 3

Yes, that is a single piece of dry whole wheat toast with one tiny hard boiled egg on it. That’s all. One egg! On one fucking piece of toast! When I was little and made up stories about being captured and thrown in the dungeon, the evil captors still always fed me more than this. Sure, it was gruel and crusts, but at least it was more volume.

At this point, I would have given up if I hadn’t already told half the world I was doing this as a pin test. No amount of weight loss is worth having that for lunch, really.

Here’s dinner. I broke and added a tiny bit of mustard and relish to the tuna because a cup of dry tuna is kind of a lot.

Supper, Day 3

Supper, Day 3 (Not pictured: 1 cup of ice cream)

Another two Saltines got me through the evening and I went to bed empty-bellied, but hopeful.

So, to summarize: I stuck with this diet to the letter except for four extra Saltines. (The mustard and relish were allowed.)

I would like to report that, despite my bad attitude, I lost a billion pounds and highly recommend this to everyone. I did not. I lost 1.9 pounds. Not even 2. And I’m eating Mexican food and pizza today so I’m probably going to gain at least 1.9 pounds between now and bedtime.

It sucked, I hated it, and I would gladly take back that 1.9 pounds if it meant I could not be starving for three days. And this is why I fail at almost every actual diet. I’d rather be chunky than feel like I’m dying. (GAH! I mentioned my weight. Ignore that.)

In conclusion, this diet sucks and is not worth the pain… kind of like the military. (Oops, did I say that out loud?)

militarydiet

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  • Kate George

    What IS that yellow stuff on the day 3 breakfast crackers. It’s a little scary looking. Diets were created by Satan to break our spirits.

    • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

      It’s cheddar cheese. I opted to melt it on the crackers instead of just eating it cold.

  • rfoust

    I’m on the chef-boy-r-dee diet.

  • Kelly

    Thank you for testing this! I was thinking about trying it, but 1) I was skeptical about the claim that I would lose 10 pounds in 3 days and 2) I am a law student and was not going to attempt this until after finals were over. Your honest feedback that it did not come anywhere close to the promised weight loss and was not worth the weight loss it did produce tells me to stick to less drastic measures. I am sure I would have been just as upset about tiny meal sizes and the weirdly excessive amount of plain tuna. I’m sorry you suffered through this, but I am grateful you saved me from doing the same.

  • Anna

    I decided one time to do this and went out and bought all of the food for it. Then I remembered that I’m sexy as hell and have a really good diet already and HATE cottage cheese and grapefruit so that garbage rotten in the fridge when I shook my ass in front of a mirror and smiled. So my experience with the 3 day military diet was actually really pleasant.

    • lovelydiscourse

      So much awesome in three sentences.

  • Teresa Marie

    The first day food looked great. I would think eating things like that would help with weight loss without making you feel starved. Days 2 and 3 are ridiculous. BTW, who do you see for your thyroid? An endocrinologist or…? Asking because I think my thyroid is out of whack ><;

    • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

      I saw an endocrinologist once and was not impressed. She just said the same stuff as my GP. So I have no solution for you– sorry! I guess first step would be asking your GP for a TSH test.

    • Beth

      First step is always your primary care doc. They do blood tests and then refer you to an endo if needed. My endo was great until I was “fixed”, then he just did not give any fucks anymore. It was pretty funny. My primary retook control then to make sure my drugs I’ll need for the rest of my life are taken care of.

  • Emily

    I did this a few weeks ago. Mine was called the 3 day cardiac diet. Lost 6 pounds, gained back 2 of them. My mom tried it but gave up after the first day.

  • Sarah

    The thought of eating an entire cup of cottage cheese kind of makes me want to vommit.

    • Katherine Horejsi

      Maybe that’s the idea!

      • http://twitter.com/quirkyjessi Quirky Jessi

        Haha, it probably is! I think the idea of all that dry tuna is even worse, though.

  • Mandy

    WTF are the things that look like hot dogs on Supper Day 2? Are those actually hot dogs?

    • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

      Indeed, they are hotdogs. My food-arranging technique was suffering from I Don’t Give a Fuck Syndrome by then. ;)

  • http://debtperception.wordpress.com/ Debt Perception

    10 pounds in 3 days? 10 pounds in a week isn’t even healthy. Who can call this a diet? Shenanigans!

    • http://twitter.com/quirkyjessi Quirky Jessi

      Yeah, dropping that much weight for the average person is a bad idea. Realistically, the people who are losing 10 pounds that fast are going to be very overweight to begin with and much of the loss is water weight. Losing 2 pounds a week is the “healthy way” quoted by most, but there’s no reason to practically starve yourself to do it. :(

  • magicmonkeypants

    Oh Gawd how I love you. Forgive me for laughing at your pain but your words are awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mandie.garcia.90 Mandie Garcia

    Thank you for testing this so I dont have to suffer through the mental anguish of being on a “diet” only to achieve the same if not worse results.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nhannah7 Nicole Hannah

    My daughter and I tried this and didn’t even make it through the first day!! We were starving by the end of the night we gave it up. So proud of you for enduring all three days!

  • US Marine

    That last comment is very unnecessary….

    • Melissa

      Thank you so much for your sacrifice and service ! I just wanted to say that I don’t understand why everyone or all of the military people have a problem with her last comment. She might have been saying that the military would suck to be in and it wouldn’t be worth it for her. I didn’t take it as a diss on the entire military. Let’s face it.. I am sure the military is hard and is kinda sucky sometimes and not everyone wants to be in it that is why your sacrifice is so important and appreciated.

  • http://www.facebook.com/eleni.leal19 Eleni Leal

    It was supposed to be 10 pounds in 3 days? That can’t be possible!
    My boyfriend and I started walking to at least fit back into our pants without having to really suck it in. He walked two laps around a track and lost 4 pounds, and I’ve been at it for a week and gained 5 pounds! I was so pissed! Might as well try this diet (and then celebrate with pizza).

    • Nadine

      When my husband and I first started exercising he lost 30 pounds the first couple of months and I lost 10. Fucker. However, he did gain half of it back because he got so cocky (heh – cock) about his manly metabolism and I have lost 20 more. It hasn’t made a dent in how much I need to loose…I am a fatass, but I am happy and healthier fatass.

      • http://twitter.com/dgespinoza68 Dianna Espinoza

        LOL!

  • http://www.quarterlifecrisiscuisine.com/ Ashley Bee

    Have you seen the facebook page for it? They suggest doing this ALL THE TIME. You get two days of “break” and then DO IT AGAIN. I’d die. Not necessarily from starvation but because I’m a self-proclaimed foodie and that shit is BLAND.

    I keep toying with the idea of doing this as a “jump start” diet to lose the 15 lbs I randomly gained over the winter, and I estimate I’d probably loose a bit just because my metabolism used to be hella fast though it’s slowed down since I hit 25… but I trust you more than I trust the testimonials on the site. You’ve convinced me to keep going with my usual routine of attempting (and failing) diets and just getting my butt to the gym more. Thanks for saving me the hassle you beautiful lady, you! :)

    • http://twitter.com/shmcmullin Sarah McMullin

      Juicing is good “jump start” if that’s what you’re looking for. I did it once for five days, though, and had to start avoiding certain parts of the freeway because the crane asana from a mile off the road smelled THAT good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/MightyLace Lacie Taylor

    I quit smoking a few years back and put on about 25 pounds. I tried dieting and after about a month I did lose 6 pounds, but I was miserable. I talked to my doctor and he said I was considered overweight but I certainly was not unhealthy. It was at that point I decided that I would rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable (not that skinny people are generally miserable – but I would be a miserable skinny person).

    • http://twitter.com/kittnen Quincy

      I’ve gained ~50 or so pounds in the past 7 years, and I’ve never once been told by any Dr or GP to lose the weight because I maintain a relatively healthy lifestyle. Hubs thinks I’m sexy (I’m still working on making myself believe that) so I’m not too worried about it.

  • Tiffany Hall

    I don’t get this “military” diet bullshit. When I was in the army, we ate a hell of a lot at every, single meal because we were working our bodies all day and very stressed on top of it.Since I did basic near the coast, I had fried shrimp a lot :)

  • Lindsey *

    awwwww, this was such a great blog, and then you ruined it by being fatphobic. Sigh.

    • Crash Warring

      Ditto. Super fucking disappointing. Diets are bullshit anyway. 95% of them fail. A lot are really fucking unhealthy, and awful for your body. The push for diets is a push for a huge industry that makes money by associating one’s ability to be thin with their worth and self control. It’s bullshit.

      I’ll even include sources for my health claims
      http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8363211

      And commentary on the “obesity epidemic”
      http://ije.oxfordjournals.org/content/35/1/55.full

      • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

        I’m sorry to have been insensitive, and I probably was, I’m not arguing, but could you help me out so I won’t do it in the future? Which part exactly was fatphobic and disappointing to you?

        • rfoust

          Yeah I’m confused too, usually I can at least spot what people think is offensive, but I’m lost on this one.

        • Crash Warring

          the snark about getting weight loss advise from people who were fatter than you was the fatphobic part. I’m not arguing that advise isn’t irritating (especially when it’s completely unsolicited, this fat kid has gotten more than enough in their lifetime, especially considering my lack of fucks about the number on a scale) but someone’s current weight doesn’t tell you anything about any weight they have already lost or if it is good advise. It is judging the worth of what they are saying by their weight Thanks for the serous reply, very appreciated.

          • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

            Ok, I see your point. And I realized even when I was writing it that it is not an appropriate thought process, hence the, “Oops did I say that out loud?” part… It’s also not nice to say that the military sucks and is not worth the pain… ;) In any case, I’m sorry to have offended you. It was not my intention, and I don’t want to judge anyone for their weight, for sure.

          • Catherine

            I didn’t really see that as fatphobic. I took it the same as someone who’s been divorced 5 times trying to give advice on a long, happy marriage. I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, though. Just my two cents on the comment.

    • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

      Certainly not my intention at all.

    • http://twitter.com/shmcmullin Sarah McMullin

      “Ruined it” seems a BIT harsh. To me it falls in the same category as “I mention infertility and everyone comes from the woodwork to dole out free advice about what for sure worked for them to get pregnant.” It’s not that it’s not well-intentioned, it’s just UBIQUITOUS and as often as not unwelcome. For some reason weight is one of the few issues we as a society feel like we have the collective right to shame others about. “I used to be fat. Now I’m not. LET ME FIX YOU!”

      Plus it’s a popular pin. Disproving it does more to support the cause of promoting healthy life changes than letting the readers be fooled into thinking it works or is a good idea.

    • Maxie

      As a fat lady who has no body confidence issues and finds this kind tripe-filled commentary incredibly insulting to overweight women, I most sincerely ask you the shut the hell up. And no, I do not mean the Pintester. I mean you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/emily.folger Emily Folger

    Blergh, I hate diets. This seems less of a “military diet” and more of a “obsessive food restriction diet” anyways. In the military, according to everyone I know who has been in it, you eat lots of (bad) food and just exercise a ton. And 10 pounds in 3 days is scary. I managed to lose 40 pounds this past year and the MOST I lost in an entire week was 2 or 3 pounds. Plus I hate cottage cheese; if I ate that I would gag all the way through and possibly vomit afterwards. You are a brave soul!

    • Diane

      Hmm maybe you are supposed to vomit after eating the cottage cheese? And that’s how the 10 lbs in 3 days was done… I’m not promoting bulimia, but I think anyone that says to eat cottage cheese and especially a full cup of it is, ew.

  • L. Nicol Cabe

    I’d have to ask my ex-air force housemate, but having eaten a few MRE’s (just for shits and giggles), I’m reasonably certain the military gives its cadets more food than this. Because you’re on the move all the time and if you’re in the field you may not necessarily know where your next meal is coming from, so they bulk you up on calories. This diet should be called the “torture yourself because you think you should look like Kate Moss” diet.

    • Katie

      It’s called the military diet because apparently people in the military use it before PT tests to not fail ;)

      • Amanda

        My boyfriend’s in the air force, and he carb-loads before pt tests. We go out to olive garden so he can pig out on pasta… Maybe this diet is for the ones who just have to get through the weight part or something. But most of the PT test is pretty intense so I doubt this would give anyone the energy to do the test, even if they made weight. I agree with the “torture yourself because you think you should look like Kate Moss” diet theory.

      • Tiffany Hall

        I never heard of anything like this while I was in the army. Being hungry wouldn’t help with a PT test. Being undernourished would be a great detriment.

    • Goober

      Hahaha MRE’s just for shits and giggles… one problem with that phrase… MRE’s give you the opposite of shits and you aren’t gonna be giggling much when you’ve been on the toilet for a half hour and can’t seem to remember why you ate that MRE. :)

      Also, when I was in the military we ate close to 3000 or more calories a day during basic training. And I lost tons of weight. It was because we worked our butts off training around 8-9 hours or more a day!

  • Amanda England

    First off, kudos for making it through. That looks horrible, and I would have been so sick. (Cottage cheese and hard boiled eggs, yuck!)

    It honestly looks dangerous, especially for folks with blood sugar issues, and just impossible for folks with food allergies. Not to mention it’s kind of doomed to failure, especially on the long term because other than a couple of good items, it’s nutritionally defunct. Seriously, it’s gluten, eggs, dairy, and fish with very few greens and quite a lot of starchy fruit plus some out and out junk.

  • http://twitter.com/lauren_015 Lauren Smith

    What kind of shitass diet is this, and who thought of it? Christ, if I was limiting myself to that few calories, I’d half an apple or two instead of a cup of ice cream. At least that would fill me up. Jesus.

  • http://twitter.com/sarramaria Sarra Cannon

    I knew we were kindred spirits. So not fucking worth it.

  • Katy

    I’ve decided to go on the “eat what I want and try not to moan about my weight” diet.

  • Kelly724

    How big is your box? Your PO Box, that is. I really have this strong urge to mail you ingredients for making cookies after reading this shit.

    • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

      My box is infinitely large. Snerk. Seriously, though, my box lives at a package center, so they will receive any size package. My box is comfortable with packages of all sizes. :D

      • Kelly724

        Oh boy. I guess this is how it would feel to be a guy. I’m worried now that the size of my package won’t be impressive enough.

  • Katherine Horejsi

    Well you walked into the lion’s den there girly!! See, you mention weight loss and everyone’s a critic. This particular ‘diet’ is all over Pinterest so good on you for testing it. Can’t help thinking it’s promoted by the weird thinspo “I don’t have a eating disorder I just enjoy no food with lots of mustard” brigade. Best avoided, I’d rather keep my lardass than keep company with people so malnourished they can’t think straight!

    • Heather

      Amen to that!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/jasi.lee.7 Jasi Lee

      why are people so afraid of thin girls? being overweight is waaay more dangerous and common than being skinny. for every 1 girl with an ed there are literally 20 on their way to several completely preventable diseases and an early mortality. i don’t support eating disorders but i’m so tired of hate on thin girls who like being thin.

      • Katherine Horejsi

        Oh I think you must have mis-read my comment. I was referring to thinspo mental cases who are undoubtedly malnourished which (according to numerous medical studies) seriously impairs your mental faculties. I’m not remotely scared of thin girls…or fat girls…or somewhere in the middle girls…I think we should all be scared of psycho girls though. Eat, don’t eat, whatever.

        • http://www.facebook.com/jasi.lee.7 Jasi Lee

          haha, probably but yeah it was kind of tangential.

      • Stefani

        You must be thin…

      • Isobel_A

        Being overweight is dangerous, yes, but eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia especially will kill you far more quickly. Katherine, it seems, is talking about eating disorders, and actual thin people, not naturally slim people.

        As an aside, I wish people would refer to healthly slimness as ‘thin’. ‘Thin’ is bony and unhealthy and bad for you. Slim is good.

        • http://www.facebook.com/jasi.lee.7 Jasi Lee

          thinner people live longer.

          • Katherine Horejsi

            So do shorter people (statistically speaking). Not sure if you’ve noticed…but immortality isn’t option so it must surely be about quality of life. I haven’t seen anything in any of your comments to indicate that thinner people are inherently happier. So perhaps sanctimony is misplaced.

          • MaggieSnarkface

            Actually, they don’t. Please do your research. Kthanksbye.

  • Jane

    Tuna is one of my most favourite foods in the whole world. Eating a mound of it plain like that would put me off forever. What sort of brain dead diet goes out of its way to put ypu off healthy food? Just three hours of this diet, let alone three days, would send me sobbing into the arms of the nearest chocolate bar.

    It must have affected you badly, you didn’t mention penises once.

    • Alex

      Actually, cock was shoved in there. Haha shoved…

      • Heather

        Ha!

  • Karissa

    The man who willingly decided to deal with me for the rest of our lives, is in the Army. In no way, shape or form, did he have to do this diet. They always fed them chicken, hence why he will rarely eat the stuff now. The reason why they always lost weight is from all the shit that they have to carry. Like 20 lbs+ of crap for miles with a helmet and long sleeved jackets. Kudos to you for putting yourself through this, obvious tom-foolery. Now, go have a big glass (or keg if needed) of whatever booze your stomach desires!!

  • Kristen Roedner

    I’ve seen this diet before, I know a few people who tried it and I have done it myself. Except when I saw it it was called the [Enter Random Hospital Name] Cardiac Unit Diet and was sold as being what they had seriously overweight people do to lose huge amounts of weight for heart transplants and shite. I was pretty grumpy when I did it and lost about the same as you did while my bigger friends lost between 5 and 10 lbs.

    Maybe it’s a good sign. Like, “Hey I’m not as fat as I think I am because I didn’t lose a bazillion lbs by “surviving” on dry toast and tuna for three days, so I’m going to keep chowing down on pizza and pasta and shizz becuase it’s clearly been working for me” kind of good sign. That’s how I took it, at least :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jasi.lee.7 Jasi Lee

    haha. sucks. =( diets are ridiculous. my folks did the pregnancy hormone diet and lost a ton of weight and i was all.. “yeah, it was the hormone extracted from pee and not oh, eating 500 cals a day, right?” so to prove them wrong i did 500 cal/day for a week and lost 10 lbs. they still say the hgc diet is amazing, but if my dad starts lactating i might just be able to convince them that they’re finally nuts. kudos for trying it and going through. life on a diet is no fun.

    • lori

      Ha Ha Ha! You are so right about the stupid HCG diet-just try to convince a devotee that they are nuts though. Most ‘diet plans’ where you have to pay for stuff work on this racket…

    • http://twitter.com/shmcmullin Sarah McMullin

      I had five friends do it at the same time. Literally ALL FIVE got pregnant. Four by accident. Apparently increased fertility is a side effect.

      • thatgirl

        It is. They should have been told that before they received their first dose.

        • http://twitter.com/shmcmullin Sarah McMullin

          Oh that would be assuming any of them visited doctors! Ha. They all either ordered it from scary Internet sites or bought leftover drops from friends who gave up on it.

    • embers618

      Why would anyone with a healthy endocrine system mess with that on purpose? Once that shit gets fucked up, it is way harder to get it back in balance than to lose weight. Not to mention that pregnancy hormones make you crazy.

    • Kaywinnet

      It also has the lovely side effect of making those hormones incredibly expensive and hard to find for those of us actually using it to get pregnant.

    • http://twitter.com/quirkyjessi Quirky Jessi

      Lol! People who believe that still amaze me at times. It’s clearly the calorie cuts that make a difference, but they swear it’s some other miracle treatment instead. Sigh.

  • EmmaBeEmma

    I can’t believe you had to drink water from a flask for this. Boooo diets.

  • http://twitter.com/msdrjuris Dr. Juris

    This diet is such a piece of shit anyways, pardon my ‘Mercun. It has you eating about 600 calories per day (which is dangerous) and tells you you’ll lose ten pounds (which will be water weight, mainly, because it takes A LOT to lose actual fat). I hate Pinterest diets. And the Pinterest exercise pins, come to think of it.

    • Isobel_A

      I’m so sick of the Pinterest weightloss spammers I’ve started reporting them (only the ones where it’s all pins from one or two weight-loss places). Ooops.

  • snowaeris

    “And I’m eating Mexican food and pizza today so I’m probably going to gain at least 1.9 pounds between now and bedtime.”

    Don’t worry…it’s Mexican – you’ll poop out the weight later ;)

  • Piggie4

    I’m on the seafood diet…. I see food and I eat it….Its working well (not really but hey might as well try)

  • Lori Wik

    Oh my goodness, This is like what I eat all the time. seriously, I was thinking that it looks pretty darned tasty to me….I had no idea I was so weird.

    • Maxie

      Oh my goodness, how incredibly, mind-bogglingly thin and content in your life you must be!

      Seriously, do you ever catch anything?

      You know, when you’re fishing for compliments?

      • usertaylor

        Do you ever make any friends? You know, with your shit attitude towards other people’s tastes that are different from your own?

    • Isobel_A

      I lament for your poor, deprived taste buds.

  • http://twitter.com/shmcmullin Sarah McMullin

    Metabolism! Calories in, calories out! ZUMBA!!

    Life. Fixed. You’re. Welcome.

    • http://twitter.com/shmcmullin Sarah McMullin

      (Before I get rude comments, the above is intentionally sarcastic?)

      • Kerri

        Haha…I was just about to jump on that one.

  • http://twitter.com/RicciOlson Ricci Olson

    That is the worst looking diet ever. That diet sucks ass… I’d rather be fat.

  • ColorMeCountry

    Although I LOVE your blog, that comment you made at the end about the military was ABSOLUTELY unnecessary and uncalled for. I have in-laws that are in the military and am SO thankful that they are. I know for a fact that I am not mentally, physically or emotionally strong enough to be in the military, I’m sure others are the same way, and for you to sit and say the military “sucks” and “is not worth the pain” is ridiculous.

    • Katherine Horejsi

      Get a grip. This is a humour blog.

    • kerrilbennett

      I have about 11 relatives in the military – including my brother. The majority say it is not worth it. Well he actually said “It was the worst fucking four years of my life and everything the recruiters said was a god damn lie” but you know…same thing?

      • Tiffany Hall

        That’s pretty much how I felt about it.

  • Athena HM

    The good people of the internet would like to thank you for your hard work and determination, in the face of boiled eggs and dry tuna. Hats off to you, ma’am.

  • TheSwede

    Speaking as someone who lost 154 pounds the last 6 months I have to say these diets aren’t worth the trouble. Sure if you have the discipline for them they could work but in general you just make yourself think of it as a “phase” and when you think you are “done” you over eat instead.
    You are better off simply eating less and exercising more as losing weight is all about input and output. There’s no easy way to do it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.a.taylor.528 Elizabeth Ann Taylor

    Just for a little clarity there is a military diet they make people who are way over their target weight do but it works by giving your body the things it needs and only that, not depriving it like this weird ass diet does. Have a piece of cold leftover pizza for me :)))

  • ashley

    THANK YOU! I’ve seen this multiple times, and I’ve been trying to talk myself into trying it, just to see if it works. Lose 10lbs in three days? who wouldn’t want to do that?! Of course you would have it all back by day 5, but you better believe on day 4 I would be running around naked, just to show off! I’ve never been able to bring myself to it though. Mostly because my love affair with popcorn is so intense, if I left for more than one day, that crazy bitch would come after me fatal attraction style! So again I say, thank you! Thank you for manning up and taking one for the team!!!

  • Nats

    My mom and I did a similar diet when I was in high school. It was probably the three longest days of my life. I had to eat a bowl of cottage cheese every day and I was gagging. I lost three pounds, but I’d rather lose three pounds while eating things I like in moderation than cat food and cottage cheese.

  • Sgt B

    I usually love your posts…and this blog has been entartaining when I get some down time. But, being that I’ve been in the military for damn near 15 years AND I’m deployed right now, your “not worth the pain… kind of like the military” comment was not at all appreciated. Thanks for thinking so highly of us!!!
    P.S. Not sure why this is called the 3 Day Military Diet (I know, you didn’t come up with the name). But, for the record, I’ve never been forced to eat something as crappy as one hard boiled agg and a dry piece of bread as a meal.

    • Katherine Horejsi

      Ok…you went there…so now I have to. A pattern has emerged in these comments: apparently you can’t talk about the military, they’re off limits. From previous posts apparently you can’t talk about religion either, off limits. And it all seems to be wrapped up in some bizarre notion of what it means to be patriotic or an American. Well…as a foreigner…we get endless reportage on ‘land of the free’, freedom of speech, freedom to borrow your granny’s assault weapon and vaporize your class mates, but apparently you don’t have the freedom to make a throw away comment. Maybe not so free then.

      • Maxie

        I wish I lived in America just so I could find you and give you a high-five.

        Keep on keepin’ on, sister.

    • Danielle

      I agree with you Sgt B. why bash the military really? What do u have against it?

  • Melissa

    What the what is up with your blog??? I came by this evening to see if there was anything new (there isn’t) and now it’s all……weird.

  • http://www.facebook.com/MKD082909 Sarah Davis

    This is more of a cleanse. I gets rid of nasty toxins and a LOT of water weight. I did it and I lost 7 lbs in 4 days. Everyone will have different results because every woman’s body is different. But I even lost those 7 with hypothyroidism! Nuts! The thing with this is you need to take your multivitamins so you can still get the nutrition you need that some of the food you eat with this doesn’t give them to you. It’s not that it is unhealthy it’s just that you aren’t losing fat-you are losing water.

    • http://www.facebook.com/MKD082909 Sarah Davis

      Also: They tell you to do it for 3 days and take a 4 day break (Thats the version I did) and then on again but I see this as maybe a once every month or once every 6-8 weeks type deal and in between going back to your regular healthy diet and exercise.

    • http://www.facebook.com/MKD082909 Sarah Davis

      Oh AND I still snacked or gave myself a little extra to at least get my daily amount of calories in and still lost 7 lbs.

    • Kerri

      Multivitamins can’t completely make up for an ill-balanced diet, FYI. Where is the fiber, protein, Omega 3 fatty acids, electrolytes, etc in a multivitamin? There’s a lot more to “nutrition” than just vitamins.

  • Jessica

    Well, I guess if you’re lactose intolerant you’re SOL, right? Also, that is a shit ton of sodium. Half a cup of cottage cheese is 20% of your sodium RDA, tuna has a decent amount, saltines obviously have tons of it, and the hot dogs do, too. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if you lost weight once you went back to your regular way of eating that was not trying to give you a stroke.

  • Isobel_A

    There’s a virtually identical diet in the UK – except without the banana (I think it was going round as ‘The British Heart Foundation Diet’ and was purportedly given to patients needing to lose weight fast before having heart surgery (don’t believe a word of it!). I tried it and only lost a couple of pounds, too. Really, really not worth the pain!

  • http://www.facebook.com/joy.l.vasquez Joy Lu Vasquez

    Many months ago I wanted to do this diet. I had my son, and gained a shit ton of weight in the process. So I was looking for anything to lose the weight- normal exercising wasn’t melting it. Someone sent me the link to the military diet and told me to try it. So I read it. and then I realized Eggs make me sick, Tuna Makes me sick. So I’ll stick to my freaking doughnuts and steak and be Happy. and jiggly, But mostly happy.

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  • Katie Gay

    OMG. This was like reading my own blog about the Military Diet (except I was too cranky to blog). I’ll tell you one thing: a high school teacher on zero food and no caffeine is a very unpleasant high school teacher. My students were practically begging me to eat a cracker (I ate half…). Now, my post-it notes of meal requirements (1st clue – if a day’s meals fit on a POST-IT NOTE, it’s going to be no good, fools) sit tauntingly on my fridge until I’m desperate/crazy/forgetful enough to try it again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/alexandra.killian Alexandra Killian

    That saying “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” is bullshit. And I spent many years as a bona fide skinny person.

  • Kate

    It was the four saltines. That ruined your whole diet! Just kidding, this diet is bogus.

  • Kate

    Also, you don’t buy Mexican food, you rent it. So I think you’ll be fine.

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  • Jessica

    Did you workout while you did it? I started it yesterday and did 2 hours of exercise along with the diet and in 1 day I’ve lost almost 5 lbs? Maybe you just didn’t do enough cardio

    • Heather

      I don’t think I could exercise 2 hours a day on this diet – my blood sugar would drop like a rock.

  • T Reid

    As a military spouse, I fully agree with your oh-so-controversial statement up there. Everybody has a different experience with the military, but ours was (and continues to be) not very positive. I greatly appreciate the candor. I also have to give you props for eating that much tuna and cottage cheese. I would lose weight on this diet purely because I would be hurling at the thought of the two possibly mixing somewhere along the way.

  • Joleena C.

    A friend tried this diet and GAINED 3 pounds. Not sure how.

  • Lisa

    Try out the challenge that hotcookinmama has instead! MUCH better.

  • Mani

    Personally I think you could have expressed yourself w/o the horrible language. Using foul and profane language does nothing but establish you as being vulgar. Please remove me from your blog or w/e you call it.

    • Shady OGrady

      You’re new here, aren’t you? Bless your heart.

      http://www.thewtfhouse.com

      • rfoust

        not only new here, i’m going with “new to teh internets”

    • Yarnoven

      Remove me from your blog. LMAO

  • Maria

    I think the horrible language was perfect and made it fun to read haha diets at hard and sometimes the only way you can properly express that is by saying… FUCK haha

  • googtoyou

    I was raised an Army brat, spent 6-years in the military, and have been a military spouse since day 1 of my marriage. I’ve never heard of this diet. It doesn’t look like it could sustain the level of fitness required of military personnel.

  • Jaimie

    My fiance is in the Army, and last year he and one of his coworkers tried something similar, except it was a month long, not 3 days. His coworker needed to lose a lot of weight he gained after being out of commission from back surgery. It was similar meals, but they did customize it a little but. For the time they actually stuck with it, it did work, he lost about 10 pounds, and his coworker lost almost 20. But they ended up just working out twice a day and eating whatever they wanted instead!

  • Shamiah

    I’m on day 3 & I’ve already lost 6lbs. Thats my motivation to start & end day 3. Only difference is I did cheat I followed the diet. No crackers no relish & mustard. I also ran 3miles each day..

  • Erica

    I’ve been in the military 8 years and I’ve never heard of this diet – crazy crash diets and sweat suits to make weight, sure, but nothing planned out like and never including ice cream. Usually it’s veg, water, extra fiber and insane cardio for 3+ days.

  • SGT Stiffoo

    Please shut up forever about the military. You have the choice not to join it and it isn’t the same as a diet a lot of starving kids would kill parents to have.

    • Jacques Russell

      please shut up, just forever.

  • Krista Stamps

    My Grandma and I used to do this same diet all the time!!! it totally sucks, but one time I did lose 9 punds, but I did a ton of exercise while on this horrible hunger fest.

  • Megan Bialas

    I was considering trying this one out over the weekend but thanks to your own terrible experience, I’ll pass. I’m thinking bbq ribs and cake instead.
    :)

  • Rachel

    Sorry, I have to say it, but I am so sick of hearing people say that they can’t loose weight for whatever reason(s). I have hypothyroidism, which means I really do have a sloooow metabolism. However, I started using the MyFitnessPal app to count my calories… and you can eat ice cream, burgers… anything… and loose weight. Just count your calories and don’t starve yourself!!! As long as you eat the amount of calories that it recomends, you’ll consitently loose weight. Easy. No starvation. Eat what you want.

    • MaggieSnarkface

      Wow, just because you did it, everyone must be able to do it! So, there
      was this guy that jumped off the Golden Gate bridge and lived, so that
      must mean that everyone who jumps off the Golden Gate bridge will live,
      right?! Nope. This is not how it works. Please do some research on
      weight loss and dieting before you think you know everything. Your experience is not
      everyone’s experience. All bodies are different.

    • Rachel

      Sorry? You don’t sound sorry. You didn’t have to say a damn thing…in fact, she specifically asked you NOT to. Unsolicited advice is rarely welcome.

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  • Rebecca Bergmann

    Two of my friends tried doing this before our sorority formal. They wanted to fit better in their dresses. They were starving the whole time. My one friend was also having texture issues with some of the foods so she would just not eat. It was awful and they were so cranky all of the time. To make matters worse the rest of the house wasn’t on the diet so we were doing our usual pizza deliveries and mcdonald runs.

  • Yuyis Estrada

    Everyones body is different i was reading some of this comments and to be honest i tried this diet before and i lost wieght i lost 7lbs and i felt proud of myself…just don’t cheat your body

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  • Elizabeth

    I’m on the “military” diet now and posting about it on my blog
    http://whatreallymatters4.blogspot.com/

    I’m on day three now and doing fine with it. I’m going to do it again next week but with calorie counts and maybe pictures. But you guys should come an check it out and leave comments.

  • Amanda Armstrong

    “fucking shitass damn poop horrid cock bitch whore.” ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You need to do the diet again, just so we can get another string of dirty creativeness again!!!!!! lol, just dont do the 7day GM diet…

    • Cindy Pradat

      Agreed! Lol

  • Stacy

    This is interesting…

  • Becks

    I fully understand that my story is on the success story showcase but it is still strange seeing it linked to other blogs. And BOOM here I am in my green tie dye shirt for all the blogging world to see! I am sorry that you didn’t see the results you were hoping to see. I was off of the meal plan for awhile and just got back on it after some of life’s upsets and trials but I’m a head strong chubby girl who will never be a skinny girl and just wanting to be a healthy girl!

  • xBrokenxIrisx

    I tried the 3 day military diet and it worked just fine for me… Today is day two and I lost 5 lbs. Maybe you were not drinking enough water? I don’t know, but it worked well for me.

  • Cleo

    My husband and I have been doing it for 4 weeks and yes, the first week was great and we did everything by the book including water. I lost 5 lbs and was stoked,,,,, the next 3 weeks have produced NOTHING! No extra weightloss and I am very upset with sticking to this and getting NOWHERE. Everyone should know that the first 10 lbs come off easier because they are mainly water,,, then the real work begins. I am with Becca,,,, it doesn’t work. Any diet that you watch portion control and carbs and sugar and white stuff is going to do this. Lean and green is still the way with lots of water and exercise.

  • Amanda

    The same thing happened to me! And I was so hungry! I followed it to the letter and lost less than two pounds!

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  • Cindy Pradat

    I just have to tell you that you had me cracking up! It sucks that it didn’t work, but your daily log was funny as shit. Thank you b/c I was going to do this next week. Not now!

  • DeepFriedYankee

    Thank God I’m not the only one who “failed”!

  • Foo

    I use the meal plan here http://www.dietplan-101.com/3-day-diet-plan/

    On day 2 now and so far so good

  • Tim

    I think the “problem” some people are having is they’re use to eating large portions like I am. I want to try this, but the past few weeks I have been slowly cutting back how much I eat. I don’t believe you should do this diet “cold turkey.” I think portion control is key to this diet. But, I guess I’ll wait and see.

    • Tim

      Nope, I was wrong. By the end of day one I was starving! I tanked and ate three slices of left-over pizza someone left in the fridge. I did, however, notice my metabolism increase over the course of the day (won’t tell you how, just take a wild guess). I think I’m going to include this diet with what I’m already eating to increase my metabolism and see how that works. But trying to function on 800 to 1000 calories a day is not worth it to me.

  • Getoverit

    I gained a lb on this crappy diet. Starve yourself and gain weight. What a concept.

  • Lola

    You all are just a bunch of winy bitches. You want to know how to lose weight? Get off your lazy asses and exercise. You can’t always expect a change in food in your diet to help you lose weight. Seriously, the only type of people who don’t want weight loss advice know they have to lose weight but are too ass hurt to face it and actually eat right and exercise. Jesus.

    • r u fkn srs rn

      And you’re the reason people kill themselves. Why? Because you’re a bitch. Not a “whiny” (which is the proper way to spell the word I assume you were looking for) bitch, but a regular bitch that no one likes. If you wanted to be taken seriously, try injecting a little compassion into what you have to say. Otherwise, you look like a cunt that has nothing better to do than wander about the internet and start swearing at people, unprovoked, and spouting out shit like you’re god’s gift to blogging.

    • cheyenne

      You’re an idiot if you think that the only way to lose weight is to “exercise”. Really, people lose weight when they eat at a deficit of what their maintenance calories are. It’s simple math. 1 pound=3500 calories. If somebody can manage to burn 3500 calories, whether it be through eating less or adding exercise to speed it up, they lose a pound. There are plenty of people who have lost weight without exercising. But exercising does speed up the loss and gives you a more toned body that you would enjoy.

    • Yarnoven

      What in the world are you talking about? You do realize that this was just a test of a pin and she said-MULTIPLE TIMES-that she was not mentioning her weight or looking to lose weight, she did it as a pin test and it did not deliver. You come off as a know-it-all-but-didn’t-read self-important jerk who needs to feed their ego by putting down everyone around them. I am sure you have loads of friends.

    • Lisa Marie

      You are incredibly rude and not very smart. Being healthy and weight loss is 80% what we eat and 20% exercise. People can not get a flat stomach by exercising, that is a PROVEN fact!

    • cfranco05378

      I completely agree… just “eating healthier” isnt going to give you results.You have to drink plenty of water and do some type of excersice (even if its walking around your neihborhood). Everyone who complains this diet doesnt work for them is because you dont keep goiong with it, and if you do, you probably are pigging out of the 4-days off the meal plan. Dedication is a skill you have to obtain if you want to lose any type of weight, you can just give up because it doesnt work the first day, or even the first week.

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  • Sara

    I took to muttering vaguely intelligible phrases under my breath, like, “diet schmiet,” and, “mmm delicious popcorn,” and, “fucking shitass damn poop horrid cock bitch whore.”

    I like you.

  • Peanut423

    If anyone is consider this diet and need support:

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/408692902583761/

  • Anna W

    so i’m 5’7” and 122 lbs. i stay this weight by walking, climbing steps, occasionally going to the gym, and eating as much vegetables/fruit as I can get my hands on. high fiber content, antioxidant rich foods, and I eat as many vegetables in all sorts of ways until I want to explode. So like bowls and bowls of roasted broccoli, carrots, potatoes, onions, mushrooms, corn etc…. and then for snacks I have apples, melon, berries, etc. And if I want something hearty I make stew with lots of vegetables and mashed potato. Sometimes I cut up some turkey or sautee some trout… but that’s it. I eat as much as I can, and just make sure to load up on the good stuff.

    • Celery66

      that is how its done!!!!!!!

  • kassy68

    I have done the military diet (including this time ) 4x for the first time… over the last year… Consistently I loose 7lbs on the first week and if I repeat it the 2nd week I loose 5.. The one time on the first week I did loose 9.. freaked me out in a good way.. I am 5’8″ and weight 180 (size 12) when I start it.. Im so confident this diet will drop 7lbs I forgot to even weigh myself when I started this time.. Planning on doing it 2 or 3 weeks in a row.. I use it more for a (cutting out snacks routine and getting rid of all the carbs and sugars cleanse). Now on your 1.9 lbs lost.. I have had 5 people of all ages do this diet.. from skinny to just stocky.. 1 of those friends only lost 2lbs.. all the others lost at least 5lb.. One lost 6lbs and cheated. and I don’t know how cuz she was the skinny one (5’7″ and 145lbs and she thinks shes fat..pfft) .. Anyway.. I think it worst for most people and then there are the random few who its useless on.. Oh… I ran across your blog searching “what will a piece of pizza do on the military diet?” LOL

  • marie

    I just finished the military diet and lost 8.6 lbs.. I cut out the coffee though (yuck)

  • Kelsey

    This post made me laugh! The MIlitary Diet is definitely NOT FUN, but for me it’s worth it. I’ve done it 3 times and have lost 4 – 8 lbs each time. I see it as a way to get back on track with eating smaller portions and food thats not all processed with salt/chemicals. I get fuller much quicker after day 3 and my stomach thins out. Since I eat a ton of bad food on the weekends, doing the diet Tues-Thurs works best! Although I like it, it’s definitely not for everybody. :)

  • Ginger

    I just came off of this three day plan, round 1, yesterday. I lost 4.8 lbs…and I am thrilled…it was easy, I actually had more energy, I think it was the water…very IMPORTANT to drink the water…and knowing I could eat other things by Thursday made it easy to stick with. I am going to do the cycle for at least 4 weeks and see where I end up. Only 2 lbs a week would be better progress than I have seen in a few years….so I would be extremely happy with that. And doing it on M-W…leaving you the weekend for more socially acceptable meals, and time to exercise…works great….Good luck to all

  • Delightfuldaes

    I always do this diet when I need to lose weight fast for me it works wonders 15 lbs the first week and then 5-7 lbs the following weeks I love it I don’t normally eat much thou so I have no prob with it and recommend it to everyone !

  • 12345678

    You crack me up :’) (in a good way, haha) i’ve been doing research on this diet for a while and its good to read an honest opinion like yours instead of al the ‘blabla i want to fit into my wedding dress will eating all this nasty crap help me?’ shit. (Sorry for my bad english)
    Xx
    a dutch reader

  • Mary Sparky Lugo

    You are a funny girl.. I just finished this “3 Day Military Diet” and people under estimate it and often do not understand the reason for the name… The reason why they call it the Military diet is because like in the Military it is very strict and structured, on time and no cheating aloud. this is why people often break and cannot handle 9 meals in 3 days. Another thing people do not take into consideration is exercise, this is a must. While the chemical breakdown of all of the foods is happening it needs to be sent somewhere… sweating and going to the bathroom is my guess. I did this diet to the T and I have to tell you that whether it can be proven or believable, it worked for me and because I did it to the T. The only thing I skipped and I think may have helped me more was not having the ice cream and not substituting it or any other one of the items listed in the original recipes. I put my big girl pants on and drank that horrid black coffee without sweetener or cream which would be how I love my coffee. The grapefruit totally surprised me, I thought that would’ve been the worse part but it was very delicious. The egg was good. Cheese and crackers was good too. I drank more water than I ever have because I felt hungry and every time I felt hungry I drank a whole bottle (16.9oz) of water and it filled me up, not to mention the endless trips to the bathroom. Side effects: At night I could not fall asleep. But in the morning was super energized. I felt sluggish and tired in the afternoon between lunch and dinner but… I think its because there were no snacks in between which my body must be going thru withdrawals because of it. Another thing I noticed was I was nauseous at times and I believe its because I didn’t splurge or eat anything sweet whenever I wanted. All in all I lost 7 lbs. and can recommend it as long as the person willing to take the challenge does not have medical problems that the diet would enable harm and to people who would actually go in mentally prepared to do it. It seems simple, but the brain is in charge and you definitely need will power. If not, this is not for you… I will be doing it for a month (days- Mon, Tues, & Wed) then thurs-sunday eat healthy and I will see what the results are by then… This diet was created (and is aka “the Cardiac diet”) for people who have to lose up to 10 lbs. in the hospital right before heart surgery… so it is proven to work- it is ultimately up to the person. In a hospital you really have no choice what to eat when your strictly monitored and are given these foods to eat. Hope this helps! Good luck to all and happy healthy trails! :)

  • Caryna Barr

    you are too funny! I’m testing out the diet this week and I found your post while looking for results for inspiration…I’ve only ate day 1 breakfast and I’m already starving my ass off! Good to see what I REALLY have to look forward to. Hope you’ll stop by and check out my posts: Becomingmrscarter.blogspot.com.

  • Stephanie Bryant

    To Say: In conclusion, this diet sucks and is not worth the pain… kind of like the military. (Oops, did I say that out loud?) is so UNAMERICAN! As the saying goes, if you don’t stand behind the military, why don’t you just stand in front of them?!

    Why the half-ass attempt to even make anything from Pinterest if all you are going to do is fail. You are only showing Americans how incompetent your really are.