Paleo Coconut Butter Cups

0 Posted by - January 3, 2014 - Food & Drink

This pin test was originally posted on CraftFail.

I’m forever looking for an excuse to eat candy and not feel super guilty about it, and guys, before you crucify me for saying these are “healthy,” please note that I am not saying that. I get that they are still candy. But they are probably less bad than, you know, an actual peanut butter cup… maybe. Because, dude, they’re from a paleo website. Come on.

They look good, right? Yum for coconut butter cups!

I almost didn’t do this, though, because it involves a food processor and I’m a little bit scared of my food processor. I don’t know. It has sharp things and a motor. Seems like a bad idea.

cuisinart food processor

But I bought coconut oil especially for this project, so there was no way I was not going to do it. (Not that I won’t find a use for the coconut oil later because that’s the new, hip thing now so everything on Pinterest uses at least a tablespoon of the stuff– face masks, hair masks, make-up remover, all kinds of recipes… probably home decor, too. I don’t know. Maybe you can use it to polish furniture or some shit.)

coconut oil

So I threw everything in the food processor…

pre blended coconut butter

And I processed for long minutes.

food processor action shot

It seemed too grainy, so I added more coconut oil and processed it some more. I think I seriously processed this stuff for like 10 minutes. It was not a small amount of time. But I could not get the texture to resemble butter in any way.

coconut notbutter

I gave up and rested my hope on the possibility that it would somehow congeal into a more butter-like texture if I just took it out of the food processor and set it aside. (Totally valid, I think. And also, the site is called stupideasypaleo.com and I did not want to admit to being too stupid to do a recipe from a site with “stupid easy” in the title.) On the bright side, it tasted like coconut mint heaven and I could have just sat there all day eating spoonfuls of grainy not-butter.

Here’s the part where I admit that I actually don’t care too much about whether this is really paleo or not, because these are not paleo.

not paleo

(My husband and I have decided, because we are sanctimonious pricks who think we are better than paleo, that every time we encounter something that is fun, delicious, or awesome, we will sternly remark, “That’s not paleo,” and then giggle to ourselves because we are hilarious.)

But I used them anyway. I did check to make sure it was the right amount of chocolate according to the recipe, just so you know. That will be important later. Ooh, foreshadowing.

The instructions said to form the bottoms of the cups by using your spoon to spread the chocolate up the sides of the paper cups. Uh, yeah. That doesn’t work. By the time I was done with these, I was just plopping chocolate in and praying.

chocolate bottoms

I estimated that I had enough chocolate and grainy not-butter to make 2 pans of mini cups. After letting the chocolate set in the refrigerator for a while, I added the coconut butter and realized I was correct about having enough of that.

cups with butter

I was, however, massively incorrect about having enough chocolate.

ran out of chocolate

In fact, I barely had enough chocolate to cover up a little more than half of these, and even then, the coverage was not good and pieces of grainy not-butter were poking up out of the not-smooth-at-all chocolate tops.

By this time, I was frustrated with the whole not-butter thing and frustrated about not estimating the chocolate right, and just generally wishing for the project to be over, so I did what any self-respecting sanctimonious prick would do. I completely ruined any hope of eating something paleo by topping the rest with leftover green frosting.

i give up

So how did they turn out? Well, they’re all ugly as sin, even the chocolate ones. The chocolate ones don’t taste terrible, although the chocolate is too hard and the not-butter is still grainy. I mean, it’s chocolate and coconut and mint, so what’s not to love? The frosting ones are predictably more disgusting, and have a reservation at the corner of maybe-my-dad-will-eat-them and oops-I-dropped-them-in-the-trash.

coconut-butter-cups

Summary
Article Name
Paleo Coconut Butter Cups
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Description
These things are paleo, so they're HEALTHY! Er, ok, fine, they're still candy, and the Pintester can't really handle the necessary skills or this.

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  • http://www.quarterlifecrisiscuisine.com/ Ashley Bee

    Too funny–my former science teacher runs that blog! I like when my real life and blog life intersect ;)

  • Samantha

    Another paleo-ish use for coconut oil that I thought would be right up your alley. ;) http://www.averagemarrieddad.com/?p=2140

  • Kate McAfee

    I wrote a blog about the questionable health value of this type of recipe last year on my blog- http://katemcafee.blogspot.com/2013/02/how-is-this-healthy-again.html It seemed to me that the Reese’s Cups were a better choice.

    • BPRL

      You’re confused about a Reese’s being healthier. The fat/calorie count is of course higher bc of the coconut butter (which is very healthy for you) and almond butter. If you honestly think something full of processed crap, preservatives and a ton of ingredients you can’t even pronounce is healthier, then you’re greatly confused and need to learn more about nutrition.

      • Crystal Kelly Yzaguirre

        Apples are full of crap you cant pronounce. Thats a shitty standard concerning whether something should be considered healthy or not.

  • Liz

    I’ve never considerd paleo as it sounds to dinosaurish to me. This “fail” will keep me away a bit longer! :-)

  • Andrea Ziolkowski

    I literally laughed out loud in a computer lab when I saw that…..whoops.

  • FluffyGirl

    We make these all the time. The trick is to use some melted coconut oil to smooth out the grainy mixture. We make the chocolate cups out of coconut oil and cocoa, occasionally adding in some PB2. I’m not Paleo, I like my breads and pasta too much. I’m a little frightened that you still had green icing in your fridge. Was it originally green, or did it grow? It wasn’t fuzzy, was it?

  • Ashley

    FURNITURE POLISH COMING RIGHT UP….happened to see this on my facebook feed a short while before reading this…

    http://www.hometalk.com/1182528/refinishing-old-wood-with-coconut-oil

  • Kelly724

    I have to be honest, I’d rather eat a real Reese’s Peanut Butter cup (or five) and feel guilty about it than eat something that looks like dog diarrhea on top of dirty snow.

  • libraryofbird

    My dog gets coconut oil on her food, mostly cause she is a brat and won’t eat her über healthy dog food with out something tempting and I dont share my bacon.

  • Llama spit

    It kinda looks like a shit sandwich, with the shit on the outside.

  • Ashley Morton

    Try this recipe http://www.theleangreenbean.com/freezer-chocolate-peanut-butter-cups/. They are extremely easy and you get the delicious flavor of peanut butter cups, without feeling too terrible about your choice. I’m sure they aren’t that healthy, but whatever! i usually use flax seeds instead of chia seeds. Best part is that you don’t have to worry about having too little chocolate. About 2 tbs of the mixture per muffin tin is the perfect amount and fills the entire tin.

  • Lisa

    You have never failed me, not even once. You are in my girlcrush category of favorite bloggers. I look forward to every post. From an efficiency perspective, you have saved me soooo much money I should be sending you a check. Very happy happy blog birthday!

  • Suria

    Pro tip: use the coconut oil for lube! Yes, *that* kind of lube. Unless you use condoms, in which case stick to using it as lotion.

  • Beth

    Well you are in luck because you can use your coconut oil for whatever, hair conditioner, wash your skin with it, shave with it, face moisturizer, lube (yes), and even furniture polish. I give it to my cats for their coats as well. It has a ton of uses.

  • Llama spit

    You know, when I think of using coconut oil as lube, I just picture all these tropical animals rushing into the room to get in on the action. It’s tough to get some nookie if the dog is watching, I’ll bet it’s equally impossible with a chimpanzee, a toucan, and a fruit bat watching. On the bright side, there will be a small boy to shimmy up the pole and try to reach the fruit at the end…

  • excentricat

    Be very careful when using coconut oil on your face. Some people can do it just fine. Even thinking about it gives me giant pimples of doom.

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  • Justaspeck

    I’ve only ever used coconut oil for lube. It’s amazing and a little goes a long way! ;) over 6 years and we won’t ever go back to crappy ky. I didn’t even know you could use coconut oil for food until after we started using it our way. Now the thought sort of weirds me out.

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