Paleo Dark Chocolate Pudding

3 Posted by - May 18, 2014 - Food & Drink

I went camping with some buddies from the gym this weekend. Most of them eat paleo diets most of the time (basically only food that doesn’t come out of a box). Most of them also make an exception for beer, wine, moonshine, bourbon, fireball, and anything that comes in an airplane bottle.

Photo via CrossFit 919

Photo via CrossFit 919

So, in honor of my mostly-paleo buddies and my wicked-ass hang-over, today I’m trying out paleo dark chocolate pudding.

You may recall that I tackle recipes from stupideasypaleo.com with some trepidation. If we’re going to call it “stupid easy,” that doesn’t leave much room for failure without actually admitting to my stupidity. But this one actually did look really easy. Just coconut milk, chocolate, gelatin, and vanilla. How could you fuck that up, right?

pudding ingredients

Now, if you’ve been in paleo-land for any time at all, you know that coconut milk is trickier than it may seem. It can come in cans, and that can be full-fat coconut milk in a can, or “lite” coconut milk in a can. Then there’s the kind you buy in a carton, supposedly so you can use it like real milk– you know, pour it on your paleo Cheerios or whatever. That’s the kind I had, and since the recipe didn’t specify, I decided to use it.

The recipe also called for gelatin sheets, and I had gelatin envelopes instead, but I figured it would be fine, because the recipe just instructed that you use however much you need to gel-ify 2 cups of liquid. Uh…

gelatin directions

The back of the box was less-than-helpful but I decided it had to be 1 envelope per cup and that I should use 2.

Thus determined, I set to warming the coconut milk so that it was almost boiling. I don’t know how you can tell if something is almost boiling. To me that’s sort of like saying someone is almost pregnant. You either are or you aren’t. But whatever.

heating milk

I also had to chop up a chocolate bar. Looks good doesn’t it?

chocolate

The thing is, this is not your typical Hershey bar. This is 90% dark chocolate. Have you ever had 90% dark chocolate? It’s basically bitter, inedible, ass-tasting chocolate. It’s patently Not Good. And yet, this is what the recipe called for.

melting chocolate

I thought perhaps the vanilla might save it. After all, vanilla makes lots of things better.

vanilla

So I threw it in and prayed, then added my envelopes of gelatin.

added gelatin

Apparently, I did not get the coconut milk close enough to boiling, because this shit happened.

clumps of gelatin

Yes, that’s clumpy gelatin. Nice. I broke it up the best I could and soldiered on. This is after I cleaned up the spilled chocolate goo carnage that ended up all over the kitchen counter:

pudding cups

The prescribed two hours later, I went back to claim my pudding.

Guys. Something did not go right.

1. It was chocolate soup-y. This does not necessarily equal a fail. Chocolate soup at least still tastes good. HOWEVER…

2. It tasted like bitter ass. The vanilla did not magically transform the 90% chocolate into something edible.

I have a really big sad about this one because not only do I not have delicious (and nutritious?) chocolate pudding to eat now, but I also have a giant mess of soupy bitter ass to clean up. I’m sure that’ll be about as much fun as it sounds.

Screw this shit. Where’s the beer?

paleo-dark-chocolate-pudding

Summary
Article Name
Paleo Dark Chocolate Pudding
Author
Description
Eating a paleo diet is hard, especially due to the lack of sweets. Pintester attempts to remedy the situation and ends up sorely disappointed, surprising no one.

If you liked this post, please pin it on Pinterest or share it where you hang out most! Share buttons are below to make it super easy! Thanks!

  • Chelsea

    Forget the “paleo-ness” and “bitter-ass-ness” and just dump some sugar in your soup/pudding to try and salvage it!

  • http://www.edesiasnotebook.com/ Lesa @ Edesia’s Notebook

    If you click on the words “coconut milk” on the original recipe site, it links to a can of coconut milk on Amazon. I agree that it’s really dumb that those two products, which are incredibly different, are called the exact same thing. I can’t believe this recipe calls for 90% dark chocolate. That is practically inedible, especially with no extra sugar added. Blech! I might try this recipe; I’m not paleo but I’m lactose intolerant and one of my kids is allergic to dairy. If I do, I will use less-dark chocolate and probably add some sugar.

  • Daniela Rossi

    Hi Sonja! I have no clue abot the bitterness, but I may be able to help with the consistency.
    When you work with gelatin you must bloom it first (soak/ disolve in cold water). With the powdered form, the standard proportion is one part of gelatin dissolved in five parts of water. You let it sit around ten minutes and only then, you add it to the boiling liquid.

  • MrsBox

    My main concern is how the original image, with a spoonful clearly removed from the pudding, is pictured with a clean spoon. How?

    • MrsBox

      Also, the person reflected in the spoon appears to be an elf. Or someone wearing a ww2 era fighter pilots cap. Or a hat.

  • Eva Chu

    i would reheat, try and break up the gelatin some more and dissolve some sugar into it to help with the bitterness. If you want to stick with the paleo thing I suppose you could use maple syrup or something but that might fuck up the flavor even more

  • Jessica

    I’ve learned that any chocolate over the mid-70 percents is not for me. At that point it goes from being a really good, and even healthy, treat and becomes something that’s not worth eating no matter how much I want chocolate. Sorry this didn’t work out. Is Greek yogurt paleo? I tried something the other day that was like six ounces of Greek yogurt and a tablespoon (maybe two) of cocoa powder. It also had Truvia in it, which I’m sure isn’t paleo, but honey would work. I added sugar-free vanilla syrup, too. It was good.

  • Tricia

    See, I love the 90% bitter chocolate. But I got over my sugar addiction long before that happened.
    My question is how is gelatin considered paleo. I thought the whole point was eating things that involved no processing. And gelatin is entirely processed…..

  • http://thatpandabitca.tumblr.com/ thatpandabitca

    Oh hey you came back again. I keep thinking you abandoned us.

  • http://www.runmum.com/ Matilda Iglesias

    I love your honest truth.
    I follow SEP and I’ve never seen that recipe on there. Might give it a miss. 90% dark chocolate is hard to find here, I find 70% strong enough as it is.

  • Meg

    I have an excellent avocado-based chocolate pudding recipe that also involves maple syrup. Might not be paleo, but hasn’t let me down yet!

  • Connie

    I know where went wrong. You used the wrong type of coconut milk. Sorry, but “So Delicious” is not full fat (or even real) coconut milk, by any stretch of the imagination.

    Full fat coconut milk can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000LKVIEG/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000LKVIEG&linkCode=as2&tag=stupideasypal-20. I know because I have a few cans on hand.

    In her defense, the original blogger also had the link to the coconut milk she used on her blog. I love your site Pintester, and I know you probably didn’t know the difference between “full fat” coconut, and most people wouldn’t, considering the commercialized versions flooding the market. But that’s probably why your end product didn’t have the same consistency as the original. By the way, I have nothing to do with Stupid Easy Paleo..I’m just a blog reader.

  • Jenn

    Actually, what went wrong, is that gelatine is to be softened up (mixed with cool water and allowed to stand) for about 5 minutes before adding it to your hot liquid. Then you bring to boil, and then finish cooling the item. If you did as you did – the gelatine clumps, never really dissolves and then doesn’t thicken what you are making. Try again!