The Blackened Chicken Tenders That Almost Ended My Marriage

1 Posted by - February 6, 2015 - Food & Drink

There must come a time in every marriage when you scream at each other while preparing dinner. This doesn’t happen to my husband and me too much because, honestly, we don’t cook that much. But when it does, it usually involves very hot oil.

Let me back up and say that anything with “blackened” in the title should make me run the other way. Someone, somewhere has figured out how to make things blackened properly. It is not me. So, because I am stupid and a glutton for punishment, I decided to try blackened chicken tenders.

I love that these are the Pinterest version. At least they already look ugly, amIrite?

I love that these are the Pinterest version. At least they already look ugly, amIrite?

Now I can handle mixing ingredients– even when the ingredients involve, like, handfuls of pepper.

ingedients

I can even handle dredging chicken tenders.

chicken dredge

But when it comes to throwing things in a really hot cast iron pan, I am apparently very, very chickenshit.

Here’s how it went:

Me: How hot should this pan be?

Husband: I don’t know. Hot but not too hot.

Me: What the fuck does that mean?

Him: Get out the thermometer.

[I get out the fancy shmancy thermometer thing that he bought that you can point at any surface and it tells you the temperature. Trust me, we pointed it at everything when we first bought it. I now know the regular surface temperature of my tongue.]

Me: It’s like 450.

Him: 450?! You’re gonna crack the pan!

Me: Well come help me! I don’t want to crack the pan! GAH!

And it went on like this for some minutes, with me alternately freaking out that I was going to ruin something and him grudgingly “helping” me (which meant him taking over because I was too scared to do anything). There was popping oil, there was smoke, there may have been a comment along the lines of, “Blackened doesn’t mean burned, OMG!” It was basically carnage.

Add on top of that the fact that burning chicken dredged in three kinds of pepper makes a throat-searing smoke that gets into the tiniest mucus membranes of your face. So, screaming at each other, choking on pepper smoke, and potentially burning down the house, all in one night. Marital bliss, guys.

Luckily, my husband saved the day. He finished cooking the chicken while I rage-cleaned the kitchen. (You guys rage-clean, too, right? No? Just me? Carry on then.)

gross pan

Was it all worth it? As we ate in silence, glaring at each other intermittently, we decided it didn’t suck that bad. In fact, Robbie actually liked it. I thought it was a little too obnoxiously spicy.

But here’s your warning: If you make it, be sure your marriage is strong.

blackened-chicken-tenders

Summary
Article Name
The Blackened Chicken Tenders That Almost Ended My Marriage
Description
Making anything "blackened" in the Pintester kitchen means strife, heartache, and the opposite of marital bliss.
Author

15 Comments

  • alola February 6, 2015 - 7:24 pm Reply

    I do rage-clean, too!

  • Sally February 6, 2015 - 7:27 pm Reply

    I think it’s a huge win that yours look like chicken tenders and the original look like dog turds. Excellent work!

  • Megan February 6, 2015 - 8:02 pm Reply

    I am a total rage cleaner!! By the way, yours look far superior to the original so I say well done!

  • libraryofbird February 6, 2015 - 8:22 pm Reply

    If anyone want to come rage clean my house…
    I have wine!

    That first picture is gross looking. Yours is way better.

    • Yocheved February 7, 2015 - 10:08 pm Reply

      Wine only helps if you’re a mean drunk. Try tequila, it makes things extra rage-alicious!

  • Shawna P. February 6, 2015 - 10:31 pm Reply

    HAHAHA! It’s like the anti-engagement chicken. I agree the original looks like shit….lightly seasoned….with herbs and probably corn poops. http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2006/07/engagement-chicken

  • Pintester February 6, 2015 - 11:34 pm Reply

    I assure all of you that the reason “my” chicken tenders look better than the original is because Robbie actually cooked them. I claim no credit.

  • Anastasia Darling February 7, 2015 - 12:39 am Reply

    If I don’t rage clean it ain’t gonna get clean…..

  • Peggy Crawford February 7, 2015 - 9:01 am Reply

    I generally blacken my chicken with just worscheshire sauce. It get smoky, but it’s not as dangerous to your marriage.
    And I thought rage cleaning was a normal part of life.

  • mouse February 7, 2015 - 9:18 am Reply

    Your not the only one that has tryied to mace your husband! I tried Blackened catfish the smoke was toxic, I have since learned that “blackened” is a clue for do this OUTSIDE!
    As far as other confessions go I rage clean too…..we can start a support group!

  • Ali February 7, 2015 - 9:41 am Reply

    Judging by the picture, maybe you should make your husband help with all your Pintests. One 2nd thought, no don’t. I enjoy seeing you fail.

  • Yocheved February 7, 2015 - 10:06 pm Reply

    OMG, I totally rage clean! As a matter of fact, my house is a disaster because I’m usually really laid back and easy going. If I’m cleaning something, you just KNOW you’re sleeping in the dog house that night. 😀

  • Julie February 11, 2015 - 2:26 pm Reply

    The Pinterest picture looks like hairy turds!

  • James Lewis February 22, 2015 - 12:05 pm Reply

    Holy hell – you guys maced yourselves with the pepper gas floating around!

  • B May 12, 2015 - 1:57 am Reply

    Yours looks better, it looks like food. The original looks like a plate of spackled turds.

  • Leave a Reply