St. Patrick’s Day Green Bricks of Sugarturd

0 Posted by - March 17, 2015 - Food & Drink, St. Patrick's Day

Please allow me to state here that I’m not a huge fan of St. Patrick’s day. I hate those little gold-foil covered chocolates, Leprechauns creep me out, and I am not Irish. Just gonna put that out there.

I’m also not a huge fan of Rice Krispie treats, but in searching for St. Patrick’s day food on Pinterest, this is what pops up.

So, since green beer is not deserving of a pin test in and of itself, I decided to make them.

The first step in this process is to buy cereal. I never buy cereal, so it was shocking to me that a tiny box of nutritionally shit cereal costs like fucking $5. I mean, jeez. It’s not an actual pot of gold, guys, it’s a dehydrated pseudo-marshmallow shaped like a pot of gold. Just sayin’.

Speaking of nutritional shit, here’s what’s in these:

rice krispie treat ingredients

Maybe the green beer will cancel it out. Green things are healthy, right?

Anyway, by far the most annoying part of this process is picking out enough dehydrated pseudo-marshmallows from the Lucky Charms to make these things.

picked out marshmallows

I briefly considered just making the whole mess out of Lucky Charms instead of Rice Krispies, but I was afraid the end result would be too sweet, what with the rest of the globs of marshmallow, and also that the Lucky Charms pseudo-marshmallows would melt if I mixed everything in at the same time. Now, chemically, I’m not actually sure that’s possible. There are probably still tiny crusts of green and pink marshmallow cardboard bits floating around in my digestive tract from 1987. But if something like that would happen to anyone, it would be me, and I decided not to chance it.

Anyway, onward. I like that the recipe specified that these should be soft marshmallows. I did have an unopened bag of marshmallows on hand, but had I some old gross stale marshmallows sitting around, I might have used them except the directions said not to. And you know me. I’m awesome at following directions. </sarcasm font>

melting marshmallows

As with all proper St. Patrick’s day food, you have to turn this green somehow. Food coloring was my weapon of choice.

green marshmallow goo

You’ll notice here that mine is vibrantly green. That’s because a lovely reader sent me atomic grade food coloring gel and that shit is amazing and works way better than the grocery store stuff. I WIN AT MAKING THINGS GREEN.

I do not win at mixing Rice Krispies. My dog may have green poo tomorrow, because some amount of this ended up on the kitchen floor, and then immediately down my dog’s greedy gullet. (She knows to come running into the kitchen to check the floor whenever I swear, which is a lot, especially while cooking.)

Rice Krispie mass

Then I mixed in the pseudo-marshmallows and made the Rice Krispie brick.

rice krispie brick

My husband tried one and declared them a pin win, but then asked me if I had to pick out all the little Lucky Charm marshmallows myself, because that would totally be a pain in the ass. Yeah.

Also, joke’s on him because now there’s half a box of Lucky Charms in the cabinet with a very low percentage of its content made up of pseudo-marshmallows. Heh heh.

So if you have a little helper to pick out marshmallows for you, and you don’t mind you or your dog having green poo, and you actually don’t think Rice Krispie treats are disgusting sugar-bricks that aren’t good for anything but pulling out your dental work, you might like these.

green-rice-krispie-treats

Summary
Article Name
St. Patrick's Day Green Bricks of Sugarturd
Description
If you like St. Patrick's day and/or green stuff, you might like these festive Rice Krispie treats. If you don't, well, sorry.
Author

10 Comments

  • Beth Caudill March 17, 2015 - 2:25 pm Reply

    What, only a mildly sarcastic post. I’m so disappointed. 😉 This is why you need tiny minions of sarcasm. You make them search out the marshmallows and they are bottomless pits so they’ll eat the cereal while digging for non-shiny pots of gold sugar.

  • kat March 17, 2015 - 3:58 pm Reply

    I saw on amazon they sell whole bags of JUST the marshmallows from the cereal. I wondered why anyone would need whole bags of the cereal marshmallows until I saw this post.

  • Katie March 17, 2015 - 4:04 pm Reply

    My mom keeps little bags of just the marshmallows (she gets them at a bulk food store) for the cocoa my kids drink whenever they stay over at her house. Another of the many reasons why my mom rocks (though if you think that kind of cereal was ever in our house when *I* was a kid, you’d be wrong).

  • Emily Talley Muise March 17, 2015 - 9:25 pm Reply

    I can’t believe you remembered to line the pan with parchment paper. Looks like a win.

  • Laila March 18, 2015 - 12:43 pm Reply

    I did NOT see a penis joke. Unsubscribing!

    (I’m not, but with all the strange reasons you get, why people are unsubscribing, I thought this one was missing!)

  • jackie corona March 18, 2015 - 10:20 pm Reply

    Where was the penis joke lol.

  • modeejae March 19, 2015 - 6:54 pm Reply

    I never thought to line the pan. Thanks Pintester!

  • Bobbie Jo Kull March 28, 2015 - 11:16 pm Reply

    Too funny

  • Casey “Old Gmail” Williams April 2, 2015 - 1:17 pm Reply

    I gave my kid a green bagel (like 5 days after St Patty’s day, whatevs it was good toasted), and according to my husband, he had “neon green shits” the following day. I’m never eating green bagels again! Or maybe I’ll do it once, just to see what happens, but then never again because WTF, dye?!? The important question here is: did your dog (or any beings) have green poo? Because that would be #winning.

  • Leave a Reply