Two Easter Fails For The Price of One

1 Posted by - April 5, 2015 - Easter, Food & Drink

I had big plans. It was going to be a week of Easter crap on the blog. And then life happened. So I’m posting this at 10 a.m. on Easter Sunday and no one will care because by the time they read this, Easter will have come and gone. Oh well. I’m posting it anyway because I did the work, so there.

First I made some gross marshmallow bark. Looks tasty though, right?

We can perhaps blame this on the fact that I used that easier-melting white bark stuff rather than white chocolate chips because I am lazy.

marshmallow bark ingredients

That shit is made of partially hydrogenated endangered tea tree oil or something, so I’m killing my body and the environment with it, all in the name of Jesus’ zombie birthday.

The instructions totally freaked me out and emphasized over and over again that you have to work quickly or the marshmallows will MELT and you definitely do not want to melt the marshmallows, or our risen savior will weep.

Some of my marshmallows melted a little. Sorry.

You know what though? This shit is not good. It seems like it would be. I mean, who doesn’t love marshmallows and white palm oil for Easter? But it’s gross. It’s like eating flavored sugar mixed with fake flavored sugar. I hope my niece and nephew like it because otherwise it’s going in the garbage.

Don't try this. It's gross.

I also tried decoupaging Easter eggs, honestly because it seemed easier than dye and, once again, I am lazy. Also, who wouldn’t want eggs that look like this?

So pretty, right?

And all you need is Easter napkins and another egg so you can use the egg white to decoupage with. Meta, I know.

Unfortunately, I skipped over the part of my grocery list that said, “buy Easter napkins,” so I had to make do with what I had…

napkin eggs

Yeah, that’s a cocktail napkin with martinis all over it. Well, who has Easter napkins anyway?

Now let me take a moment to brag, please. I fail at many, many kitchen tasks. Frying things scares me greatly, I can’t chop a butternut squash to save my life, and peeling carrots usually results in the peeling of my fingers as well, but damn I am good at separating eggs.

separated eggs

Turns out I am not-so-good at decoupage.

decoupage egg seam

This is the back of the egg, but still. Not pretty. I think it’s safe to say I fail at napkin eggs.

What happens when Pintester attempts it results in a predictable fail.

Happy Easter and I hope your Easter treats turn out better than mine did.

Summary
Article Name
Two Easter Fails For The Price of One
Description
Pintester takes on two Easter recipes and predictably fails at both.
Author

7 Comments

  • Elizabeth Ann Taylor April 5, 2015 - 10:29 am Reply

    I’d rather have a martini than sulfer smelling eggs anyway! Maybe after enough easter martinis the marshmallow bark would be edible?

  • Julie kennedy April 5, 2015 - 11:51 am Reply

    Apparently I’m one of the Easter losers who is surfing the internet instead of spending it with my family. Husband is watching TV. Daughter is watching different TV, eating candy the Bunny left. And I’m surfing. I think your egg looks great. I like the martini theme. And you’re right. The Marshmallow bark does look like the Easter Bunny threw up some lucky charms.

  • marissa April 5, 2015 - 11:55 am Reply

    Hehe I just wish you would go back to creating the videos … The alcohol touch and just your humor is the perfect touch to the fails

  • caro April 5, 2015 - 3:18 pm Reply

    they probably used a flimsy napkin, not those hard cocktail napkins, sorta like the ones you get from the chinese restaurant or pizzeria. those are very thin and one ply. what you’re using is very stiff.

  • Deanne April 6, 2015 - 2:11 pm Reply

    I’m just glad you posted this…even if it was Easter morning! Now I know for next year not to even try them…though, I have decided after my very own pinterest fail (smores rice krispie pin wheels – they so lied about something in the instructions, amounts, pan size or even angled their camera in a certain way to make the damn things look perfectly sized cause I ended up with a very disgusting looking log of discombobulated chocolate/marshmallow smeared rice krispies)..sorry back to my point, if the crap doesn’t come in a bag, individually wrapped, from the store…it’s just not happening. Thank you for reaffirming my new found belief!

  • Megan April 8, 2015 - 10:28 am Reply

    Those napkins are pretty cool though… also, the bit about zombie Jesus made me laugh SO hard.

  • Caramelia April 18, 2015 - 4:55 am Reply

    I just looked up the original post about the easter eggs. She pulled only the coloured top layer of the napkin and glued this onto the egg … and she shows that she cuts off the excess at the back, so her eggs probably don’t look any prettier from back than yours!

    You have to consider: fitting a rectangular napkin onto an egg won’t happen without creases or darts or cutouts, the shapes simply don’t go together … So I wouldn’t say your egg was a failure!

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