I don’t review movies here, guys, so this isn’t a review. It’s a re-enactment of what I did in the movie theater, no joke. Never take me to the movies. (If you can’t see the video, click here!)

Watch the premiere of “Graceland” on USA on June 6: http://full.sc/14BkiPn

Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel to be the first one to see my weekly videos!

Also, don’t forget about The Pintester Movement! There’s still time to sign up to do a May 30 post. I have 102 people signed up so far, which is amazing, but my goal is 150, so help a girl out, wouldja? Just go to the post for all the details.

Ok, I have a confession to make. I don’t watch Downton Abbey. It’s not that I don’t want to, but between The Bachelor (don’t hate), Vampire Diaries, Breaking Bad and Once Upon a Time, my capacity for show-watching has become limited. But someday I fully intend to watch it and enjoy it.

Still, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity like this. So please, fandom, forgive me for taking something of yours and making a punchline out of it. Someday I will join your ranks and then won’t feel so guilty about it.

(Also, if the original image was created by you, email me and I’ll credit you. I could not find the original source.)

I think I’m going to start calling some of you Actual Advice Mallard, because I swear this is totally giving me deja-vu…

Grumpy Cat hates pretty much everything: morning, purring, Christmas, your stupid face. Turns out Grumpy Cat also hates Pinterest, crafting, and life in general.

I guess I read too many scary books, but the prospect of being kidnapped and zip-tied doesn’t seem that far-fetched to me, so I probably would have tested this pin whether I had a blog or not, dudes. Unfortunately, the results were not what I’d hoped for. I guess I’m just going to have to rely on the old “I think I’m going to vomit” trick to escape captivity. See for yourself.

P.S. If you are actually serious about learning this, check out the original post. I assume no responsibility for your mangled wrists.

Did you know that the most interesting man in the world is on Pinterest? He certainly is. And he has this to say about it…

I like to craft. There, I said it. And there aren’t too many things I wouldn’t craft. I mean, really, all a craft has to do is give me a tiny, tiny indication that I might have a chance, and then my self-esteem becomes dependent upon actually doing that craft, as quickly as possible and without regard for the consequences.

Also, I just like crafts– all kinds of crafts. They all have some redeeming quality, and I usually see that first, before I see any of the warning signs or red flags, even if my friends tell me. It’s a failing, compounded by the fact that I sometimes drink-and-craft.

But, there are a few things even the Pintester would not craft.

Original craft by Wobisobi. Original meme by who-the-fuck-knows.

Alright, fine, I admit it. I’m a Trekkie. Not like the ones in the documentary with the homemade costumes and the encyclopedias and the knowledge of the Klingon language, but, you know, I can geek out to a few hours of TNG.

So, I thought it only appropriate that Captain Picard help us out with a cry voiced by many a not-so-savvy crafter.

Well said, Cap’n P.

(If you’ll recall, I made my own Mod Podge a while back. I still haven’t managed to use it. Probably because I still really don’t know what the fuck it’s supposed to do.)

“Keep calm” is one of those instructions I can never quite manage to follow. Everything, especially when cooking or crafting, somehow turns into an emergency when you’re me. The only solution, obviously, is wine.

Image created on KeepCalm-o-Matic

Oh, I love a good meme. I couldn’t help getting Ryan Gosling in on the Pintester action, and now it’s Morpheus’ turn. You know you love it. There is no spoon.