I want to tell you how delicious this soup is, but I’m currently sitting next to a half-finished bowl that I can’t even stand to look at anymore because I’ve been eating the leftovers for a solid week and it’s not as good the 7th time you eat it, just sayin’.
I’ve been on the hunt for a paleo butternut squash soup recipe and I found this one on the same site with the highly approved chorizo kale soup, so I thought I’d give it a go.
Also, I finally bought an immersion blender and I needed something to blend, bitches.
Sadly, the fun of blending cannot happen until you figure out how to dismantle one of these:
The instructions just said to cube it, so I figured I’d just chop that beast in half and go to town. And then my knife (my nice, two-man Henckels knife) got stuck in it.
iPhone to the rescue: “Siri, how the fuck do you cube a butternut squash?”
Apparently you have to peel it first, which is probably easier if you have a peeling utensil rather than a paring knife, but I did the best I could.
And then you still have to chop it in half, which, despite the squash now being peeled, is still not that easy. I managed eventually, but it took some maneuvering and praying to retain all my digits.
Then you scoop out the guts. Practice for pumpkin season.
Then, finally, you cube that shit and throw it in the crockpot. This whole process took me like 20 minutes, but I did it. Butternut squash: 0. Pintester: 1.
But then I had to peel and chop up more shit. Sigh. Two carrots, an apple, and 10 more minutes later, I was finally done chopping things.
Then I added some more crap: the ubiquitous paleo coconut milk, and some cinnamon and nutmeg, and some chicken stock, which I made from scratch, thank you– well, by that I mean I boiled some chicken and saved, you know, the chicken water…
I am Betty Fuckin’ Crocker, people.
Then you just let it cook all day and smell the glorious goodness simmering. Seriously, it smells like Autumn ate a pumpkin pie and a pumpkin latte and an apple crisp and some sparkly fall breezes and then farted in your kitchen. (Damn, I’m like a poet or something. Eat your heart out, e.e. cummings.)
I forgot to take a picture of what it looked like when it had been cooking all day before I blended it, but remember how I said Autumn ate all that stuff and then farted? Well. Use your imagination. It wasn’t exactly pleasant-looking.
Thankfully, the blender turned everything back to a nice, creamy, festive orangey soup and it was pretty and it tasted like the light in an apple orchard mixed with the sound of crunching leaves underfoot. (Eh? Eh?)
Seven days later, I am so tired of it that just looking at it sort of makes me want to vom. So maybe save some and freeze it, unless you always want to equate butternut squash soup with moldy pumpkin gutslime and slugs and dog shit in the bottom of your leaf pile. Happy Autumn.
Also, don’t forget that I’m now collecting posts for the next Pintester Movement! Just go here to read about it and sign up for the email list!
That description of how it smelled is the best thing I’ve heard all day.
Truth. I love when someone autumn farts deliciousness in my kitchen. Unfortunately, it is usually my Boston Terrier letting out pepperonifarts courtesy of my toddler who cannot keep her food to herself.
Gah! I love you.
Bwahaha. I just discovered a butternut growing in my garden this morning (I thought they weren’t going to make it). Might have to try this in a month or so when I have a squash.
You know you can buy that shit already cubed at the grocery store, right? Just sayin, for next time. 🙂
You can throw a whole butternut squash in the microwave for a couple minutes and then let it cool, it softens it just a bit to make cutting it in half easier! I usually cut the top off at the “neck” too, and then it’s easier to cut the bottom in half to scoop out the seeds. PS Can we get your recipe for chicken water? haha yummm 😡
I love butternut squash, but it is the biggest pain in the butt to prep. If I have to use a whole one, I get my husband to cut it up for me. Check your local grocery stores for the pre-cut bagged variety. So much easier! It’s in the produce section next to the bagged broccoli and cauliflower blends in bags. Don’t know if you have a Trader Joe’s nearby, but that’s one national chain that I know carries it.
You’ve got to get a Vidalia Chop Wizard for the rest of the vegetables. It makes speedy work of chopping vegetables!
All I can see in my head now after reading about autumn farts is a pumpkin carved into a jack o lantern with a noxious cloud of stink gas behind it.
I may have to make this a reality to discourage candy beggars.
You ARE a poet! I also love buttnut soup, and I found a tip that helped immensely. I stab the squash with all the anger I can muster… and a sharp knife (so it doesn’t explode). Then I microwave it for about a minute. THEN I peel it. (And I wear one of those mesh gloves that make me feel like a knight from medieval times. So I don’t cut off my fingers.)
Yup, microwave that bitch first & it’ll be easier to peel. Alternate method, using all the rage you can muster (see above) half the thing & put it on a pan in the oven. It’ll get soft & then you can just scoop the guts out jack-o-lantern style.
i made this soup. I think the squash i picked wasnt big enough, peeling it was a pain in the ass. pre-cubed all the way next time lol. Also I dont have an immersion blender so i used an electric mixer. lol.
You should write a book of poetry! I would totally buy that!
Generally speaking, if your butternut pumpkin, the softest of pumpkins, is that hard to dice, it isn’t exactly ripe…
or the knife isn’t sharp enough
Cut the squash in half, put flesh sides down on a baking sheet with some water..and bake at 350 for an hour. You then just scoop out the flesh and it’s so soft you don’t have to blend. It somehow has a better taste too. You will still have the fight with it while cutting it in half, but you won’t have to peel or dice. I just came across your blog! Love it!
as the name suggests i just had a lot of teeth pulled. and i made a similar enough soup. i did get it a little easier then the crockpot but without the smell of fall in the house for hours. just cut in half, seeded and roasted so i scoop out the squash when its done (also roast the carrots). then sauté onion in butter with apple add squash, stock and season. blended done..yum. but i am fed up of it now. its all i could eat and now its all i don’t want to eat any more of. great soup i will not want to eat again til next year maybe 🙂
I make a quinoa squash bake with butternut squash, and I go precubed every time. I am a clumsy human being, and should not be trusted around knives and shit that’s hard to cut, and my parents don’t really have time to cube several squash if I’m the one cooking (the whole point was to take pressure OFF of them!). So, PRECUBED. Someone else did the hard work, fuck yes. At my local Trader Joe’s, I can get it frozen or fresh, so doubly excellent.
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