I had big plans. It was going to be a week of Easter crap on the blog. And then life happened. So I’m posting this at 10 a.m. on Easter Sunday and no one will care because by the time they read this, Easter will have come and gone. Oh well. I’m posting it anyway because I did the work, so there.
First I made some gross marshmallow bark. Looks tasty though, right?
We can perhaps blame this on the fact that I used that easier-melting white bark stuff rather than white chocolate chips because I am lazy.
That shit is made of partially hydrogenated endangered tea tree oil or something, so I’m killing my body and the environment with it, all in the name of Jesus’ zombie birthday.
The instructions totally freaked me out and emphasized over and over again that you have to work quickly or the marshmallows will MELT and you definitely do not want to melt the marshmallows, or our risen savior will weep.
Some of my marshmallows melted a little. Sorry.
You know what though? This shit is not good. It seems like it would be. I mean, who doesn’t love marshmallows and white palm oil for Easter? But it’s gross. It’s like eating flavored sugar mixed with fake flavored sugar. I hope my niece and nephew like it because otherwise it’s going in the garbage.
I also tried decoupaging Easter eggs, honestly because it seemed easier than dye and, once again, I am lazy. Also, who wouldn’t want eggs that look like this?
So pretty, right?
And all you need is Easter napkins and another egg so you can use the egg white to decoupage with. Meta, I know.
Unfortunately, I skipped over the part of my grocery list that said, “buy Easter napkins,” so I had to make do with what I had…
Yeah, that’s a cocktail napkin with martinis all over it. Well, who has Easter napkins anyway?
Now let me take a moment to brag, please. I fail at many, many kitchen tasks. Frying things scares me greatly, I can’t chop a butternut squash to save my life, and peeling carrots usually results in the peeling of my fingers as well, but damn I am good at separating eggs.
Turns out I am not-so-good at decoupage.
This is the back of the egg, but still. Not pretty. I think it’s safe to say I fail at napkin eggs.
Happy Easter and I hope your Easter treats turn out better than mine did.