Bisquick Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 Posted by - May 24, 2013 - Food & Drink

I put this pin test on my schedule before the other member of my household went on a paleo diet kick. I’m pretty sure cavemen didn’t have Bisquick, but I’m making these damn cookies anyway.

Image from Plain Chicken: Bisquick Chocolate Chip Cookies

Image from Plain Chicken: Bisquick Chocolate Chip Cookies

These cookies are supposed to be big and fluffy and easy — just like me. Haaa.

Anyway, I also happened to have the ingredients around. We won’t talk about how my brown sugar was a little fossilized and my Bisquick was past the expiration date… by like a year…

Bisquick chocolate chip cookie ingredients

(And, yes, that’s an entire stick of butter.) But let’s be honest, folks. I’ve cooked with way worse ingredients than brown sugar and Bisquick that are just a little too old.

Besides, mixing the brown sugar with the other stuff mostly took care of any crusty bits.

Bisquick chocolate chip cookie batter

I had to moosh out a few lumps, but you know. That’s how the cookie… uh… gets mooshed, right?

Bisquick cookie batter base (wet ingredients)

Then it was time to add Bisquick and chocolate chips. And nuts if you want, but I like my cookies nutless — just like me. Haaa.

Bisquick and chocolate chips for cookie batter

It made a dough that looked a little dry to me, but hey, who am I to judge? I’m not exactly a cookie expert or anything.

final Bisquick chocolate chip cookie batter

… Unless eating lots of cookies makes me an expert, because then I’m pretty sure I qualify as a cookie Olympian.

Here’s a bad thing about this recipe: There are leftover chocolate chips and brown sugar. Fuuuuuuuck. Guess what I’m having for lunch next time I wake up with PMS.

PMS brunch

Now before I give you the verdict on the cookies themselves, let me give you some points about this recipe that I find a little bit distressing:

  • You have to be willing to eat (or do something with) approximately a fucktillion cookies, because that’s how many this recipe makes. No problem for me, but I’m just sayin’.
  • As mentioned above, there will be leftover chocolate chips. Not distressing unless shark week is on its way.
  • As with all chocolate chip cookie recipes, you cannot just assume that each cookie sheet of cookies will require the same amount of baking time (at least in my crap-ass oven), so if you want them to all be uniform, you have to stand there and keep checking the golden-brown-ness of them. That was kind of ok with me because I just played many rounds of Candy Crush in between checking.
  • An entire stick of butter. I try not to think about it.

So, with all those caveats in mind, I will tell you that I thought these things were pretty delicious. In my case, they were better than my standard chocolate chip cookie recipe, probably because the Bisquick took some of the precision aspect out of it. The precision aspect is the major reason I suck at baking. The secondary reason is mostly that I am a spaz.

So, bake away my lovlies, as long as you’re willing to eat a fucktillion cookies with a stick of butter in the recipe and then ravage half a bag of chocolate chips next week before Aunt Flo stops by.

Bisquick chocolate chip cookies. Pintester-approved. Especially if you have PMS.


  • ILedWithTomatoes May 24, 2013 - 1:36 pm Reply

    When I’m dealing with cookies a fucktillion is basically just a unit of measure for me. 1-2 fucktillion of cookies is my average. 3-4 fucktillion is common on Friday nights after a bad week. 5 fucktillion is when I buy a package of oreos and eat it in place of a real meal.

    • Nicole W May 30, 2013 - 5:37 pm Reply

      This Comment

  • Kate George May 24, 2013 - 1:49 pm Reply

    I’m sorry. A fucktillion doesn’t even come close to fullfilling the cookie needs of the people in my house. A fucktillion gets eaten in about five minutes. And the number of people also means I’ll only eat one sixth of a stick of butter…

    • Breenah May 24, 2013 - 2:57 pm Reply

      Seriously. My husband makes my large cookie batches disappear in a day or two. This much might last three days.

  • Shannon O. May 24, 2013 - 1:57 pm Reply

    A fucktillion cookies & a stick of butter. You say that like its a bad thing.

  • Stephanie May 24, 2013 - 2:00 pm Reply

    You didn’t die from eating expired bisquick? Well that’s another pin test right there!

    • Kate May 24, 2013 - 3:03 pm Reply

      Yeah Pintester, knock it off – you make me laugh secretly while I’m at work!

  • G. Luisa May 24, 2013 - 2:34 pm Reply

    Most chocolate chip cookie recipes have at least two sticks of butter. Also, if the recipe is as large as you say, all that butter being distributed probably means that these cookies are comparatively light- and only one egg- nothing to worry about in the calorie department!

  • Meghan May 24, 2013 - 3:03 pm Reply

    Good to know!

  • DaisyDesigner May 24, 2013 - 3:46 pm Reply

    Only a half a bag of chocolate chips per fucktillion cookies?! Seems like the chocolate ratio is way off. I may just throw caution to the wind and put the ENTIRE bag in there! (But I’m all crazy like that.)

  • Kristen Roedner May 24, 2013 - 3:58 pm Reply

    Something about the way ‘fucktillion’ looks written/typed makes it seem like it would be very soothing to hear someone say. Like it’s something to whisper to yourself to calm down.

    • cassie May 25, 2013 - 1:13 am Reply

      to me it sounds like a combo of fuck and cotillion… so i’m imagining a glamorous ball that devolves into an orgy.

      • pins&needles May 25, 2013 - 7:54 am Reply

        Like prom?

  • labosand May 24, 2013 - 4:02 pm Reply

    Paleo!!!! That’s it, the secret to happiness. Fuck the cookies….and the chocolate chips. Whoops ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Katherine Horejsi May 24, 2013 - 4:12 pm Reply

    Chocolate chips are never left over…only re-purposed. By the handful preferably!

  • FluffyGirl May 24, 2013 - 6:06 pm Reply

    “Shark week”, bwaahahahaha! … and there’s no such thing as leftover chocolate chips. C’mon, you’re just making that up. Like the Easter Bunny, and Toothfairy, right? Right?!

  • Natalie May 24, 2013 - 7:46 pm Reply

    I have made these several time and they are fantastic. It has become one of our favorite cookie recipies and my husband who “hates” sweets couldn’t stop eating them. They do have a lot of butter, but since I think butter should be a stand alone food group, this fact does not distress me. The dough can be a little crumbly but it’s ok. One thing, do not try to remove them from the cookie sheet to soon, they will fall completly apart. They are also good with nuts lol

  • jamie lynn prata May 24, 2013 - 8:42 pm Reply

    most important question: what level are you at in candy crush?? ๐Ÿ™‚ fucking addicted!!!

  • Miss Ginger Grant May 24, 2013 - 10:31 pm Reply

    Just exactly how many decimal places are in a “fucktillion”? I want to be accurate when I steal that phrase next week at work!

  • TheSwede May 25, 2013 - 7:14 am Reply

    I don’t know whats worse, the fact that none of these ingredients exist over here or that there are pictures of delicious cookies all over the page.

    • Katherine Horejsi May 25, 2013 - 8:54 pm Reply

      Hard to find the ingredients here too. But…here’s a pin for home made Bisquick, you can leave it in your pantry and just use a cup at a time!

      • TheSwede May 27, 2013 - 2:30 pm Reply

        Ooh awesome, there goes my diet. ๐Ÿ˜€

  • Lily R May 25, 2013 - 10:29 am Reply

    I’d say a stick of butter is a WIN because my cookie recipe calls for 2 sticks! I might try these except I’m totally freaked out by Bisquick since we found a fucktillion bugs in our box last week which led to me running out to the trash can with it as quickly as possible, and then having to crawl into my pantry with the vacuum extender searching for every. single. freakin. bug. Maybe I’ll just go buy some cookie dough..

    • raechel May 26, 2013 - 2:43 am Reply

      I found a bunch of little black bugs when I was making biscuits maybe 7 months ago? NEVER AGAIN.

  • Sarah May 25, 2013 - 11:47 am Reply

    fucktillion makes me think of flotilla as in like a spanish fleet of ships, so i see a buttload of cookies all decked out w little sails, getting ready to fight a battle, on an ocean of milk.

  • Emily O May 26, 2013 - 10:41 pm Reply

    If you put a piece of bread in the container with your brown sugar, it will absorb the moisture that causes the sugar to clump. The piece of bread will turn hard – insert joke of your choice here – but the sugar stays fresh forever.

    • Kari June 6, 2013 - 2:43 pm Reply

      The bread trick works great to keep cookies soft and amazing too! I always stick a piece of bread in with the cookies I make. My boyfriend thought I was nuts the first time he saw me do it. Now he does it with the cookies he makes.

  • Havana James May 27, 2013 - 2:42 pm Reply

    one stick of butter isn’t that bad for a fucktillion cookies. BTW, when i hear the word fucktillion, it makes me think of a bad porn; one that involves a debutante, a ball, and well…you get the point.

    • thatpandabitca April 17, 2014 - 5:01 am Reply

      A trans man’s balls? PLEASE SAY YES.

  • Leone May 30, 2013 - 9:41 am Reply

    Notion to have “Fucktillion” become an official unit of measurement. All those in favour say Aye.

    • Isa May 31, 2013 - 11:36 am Reply


    • jcc6836 June 27, 2013 - 11:15 am Reply


  • XB June 2, 2013 - 4:10 pm Reply

    They look delicious! I also enjoy reading the commentary.

  • Renate van Dijk June 3, 2013 - 8:02 pm Reply

    O no, are you losing your touch? Your cookies look way less puke-like than the original pin!

  • Heather February 22, 2014 - 11:08 pm Reply

    I made these and they look exactly like yours. But they tasted like biscuits with chocolate chips in them. Yes they were so dry that I added a bit of water to mix the ingredients all the way.

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