No-Sew Pillow Cover

0 Posted by - June 24, 2012 - DIY & Crafts, Home Decor

I’m a fairly brave crafter– and by that I mean that I have no concept of which things are going to be way too hard for me to do (hence this blog), usually. But sewing is one of those things that I know without a doubt is beyond my capability.

Yesterday, for example, my simple task was to sew buttons back on to two things that had been sitting in my closet button-less for months waiting for me to grow balls and pull out my sewing kit. (The fact that I even have a sewing kit is kind of astonishing, but I do.) Before I had even threaded my needle, I’d managed to ruin a length of thread with an ill-placed knot, and draw blood twice.

So, when I see no-sew things, I get kinda excited. Enter the no-sew pillow cover:

Here’s how it went for me.

“Lay the pillow on the fabric.” Ummm, fabric. Hm. Fabric. I should have fabric somewhere. Oh! I have many swim-suit cover-ups. Only some of them have holes in them. And smelling like chlorine just makes it more authentically beachy. Right? Right.

“Fold the fabric so it meets halfway on the pillow.” Deceptively simple instructions, these, especially if your swim-suit cover-up is kind of slippery. But I persevered.

“Fold the ends like wrapping a present, into points.” Like wrapping a present? BAHAHAHA. You have obviously never seen me wrap presents. I bet you can guess, though. And there are usually no “points” involved. Still, I did my best.

(Also, I just made the title of the above image “pillow present,” and I’m sure all the Google image searchers are going to expect to see a picture of a cat’s malicious revenge-shit. I’m sorry to disappoint you, Googlers.)

“KNOT IT.” Why is this step in all caps? I don’t know. Maybe you’re supposed to KNOT IT REALLY HARD! Or maybe, don’t just knot it like a girly wimp– KNOT IT, you prissy little pantywaist. KNOT! IT!

Sir, yes sir!

“Tuck the ends in.” There was much tucking herein. Tucking and shoving and pulling and attempting to smooth and crease and generally make this look less… well, less like I tied a swim-suit cover-up around a pillow. Still, the results aren’t entirely disagreeable. Now I just have to paint my walls yellow or get an orange bedspread or something.

If you liked this post, please pin it on Pinterest or share it where you hang out most! Share buttons are below to make it super easy! Thanks!

  • Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli

    Omg, I just stumbled over here from Pinterst and I JUST pinned that tutorial…too funny! Oh and just to let you know, I practically spit my coffee all over myself over the whole “Or maybe, don’t just knot it like a girly wimp– KNOT IT, you prissy little pantywaist. KNOT! IT!” Love this!

    • Lydia

      If you just pinned it, does that mean she now has to fuck it up again??

    • Sara (not the one the Goblin King was after)

      I think I’m the only one who pictured a quasi tag game where everyone yelled, “NOT IT” upon reading the “KNOT IT” bit. Seriously, I expected the tangent. Ah the woes of being an overaged teenager at heart. I giggled at the pantywaist bit too. Like a school girl. Better yet, like Anderson Cooper giggling like a school girl.

      • Pintester

        Hahaha, there is nothing that makes my soul light up like an Anderson Cooper school-girl giggle.

  • Anisa

    OMG You are my lost twin!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH

  • Caitlin

    Pretty sure you just caused the simultaneous laughter of pinners around the world. I just LOLed in a quiet room and my husband damn near plotzed. “KNOT IT!”

  • Steff

    Only just found your blog and I seriously wonder if you would like to run away with me to get married and live on a deserted island, happily pinning ever after. Best. Blog. Ever.

    • Pintester

      My first proposal of marriage from the blog– quite a milestone! Thanks. I’ll think about it. ;)

  • sketchingjenn

    I think they forgot to mention that you should press the fabric beforehand and during each step to make the creases crisp. And it would help to let you know how much fabric to use and what kind. The fabric she used seems to be a cotton quilting fabric, which has a stiffer hand than what appears to be a rayon loosely woven swim cover up.

  • Meghan

    I think you did a great job! You go girl! You! Go!

  • Slarue

    One of my friends told me that if you’re able to laugh when you’re by yourself, you’re okay. Well, I’ve been laughing (some might say cackling in the likeness of a craze hyena, but those people are assholes) to myself all morning over this. Thanks for the wit!

    • Slarue

      I should also add that I have high hopes for myself since I’ve spent all morning here and on Pinterest, laughing and pinning projects I’ll never do. #ihateitwhenithinkofwittycommentstenminuteslaterandthenusehashtagstojustifymyshitcomments.

  • Chelsea

    Girly wimp! What a great oxymoron.

  • Ashley

    You crack me up!! It’s like your blog an the monologue un my head are the same.

  • Kristen

    You are fabulous! Thank you so much for sharing. My epic fails are not recorded but still very much there…..and you crack me up!

  • Christina

    laughing til i cried I can’t wrap a present if my LIFE depended on it lol

  • Ciara Ballintyne

    We evidently have a lot in common. except, I don’t own a sewing kit. Why bother? I’m not allowed to handle knives, either, and all the present-wrapping skills in my family went to my brother, who wraps the neatest gift you ever saw.

    ‘Swimsuit cover-up’ – I think we call them sarongs here! But I like your novel use of it. Er… novel ATTEMPT to use it? Which is not to suggest my attempt would look any better.

  • Nicole

    KNOT IT, you prissy little pantywaist. KNOT! IT!

    hahahahaaa you have made my day!

  • Melissamain

    I think you and I are long lost sisters! When u say something about what the instructions on Pinterest said…I wasa,ready thinking the exact thing that you typed! I am the exact opposite of crafty and I am clumsey as crud! The last time I sewed a button on something…after looking for sewing kit for twenty minutes…the spilling it and pricking my fingers three times trying to clean it up.I pthenproceeded to sew the button on…but also sewed a fold in the stinking shirt! Grrrrrrr! Anyhow…when I read your adventures….it is precisely what I would think and do…actually…I am pretty sure you are more talented than I am at following instructions…it’s a wonder that my husband and kids haven’t starved by now.As I also lack any cooking skills…. Ok..done rambling…just wanted to thank you for trying all of these .projects…you have saved me alot of time and frustration…and most likely some wounds that I would have given myself trying to do the myself! So…rock on my sista!! I will follow you and look forward to reading more about your awesome adventures!

  • Ellen Malloy

    I love you. Will you be my daughter? bELIEVE mE…being older and knowing how to sew and stuff does not help.

  • Lisa

    You sound just like me and my best friend. Have you seen that someecard that says, “We’re good friends because we hate all the same things”? That’s us, and it sounds like you’d fit right in with us.

  • Jae

    I have become an addict of your site. I read the entirity of your blogs in one day – and it made a very boring day much more fun and entertaining :D Looking forward to more!

  • Rebecca Anne Christensen

    I’m going to try this myself. ;) Wish me luck!

  • Kristen

    I ended up here from Pinterest, but, unlike you, I pin the day away and never bother actually trying anything. That’s even more sad than screwing it up if you think about it :-P Anyway, this is hilarious. I love your sense of humor. Can’t wait to read more posts!

  • Karyn

    Yeah, I tried this but with the iron sticky tape. The pillows currently reside BEHIND my couch until I can get them professionally re covered. FAIL!

  • Monna

    Aww, unlike your other pintrest projects this one didn’t turn out all that bad. (snicker) I was looking at that project for days wondering what it would turn out like if I tried it. Thank you for saving me the trouble of screwing it up myself. Keep on doing these to save people like me and Kristen the trouble. Then we can keep spending all our time pinning and not doing. Love the laughs. Thanks so much.

  • Elisabeth

    Your blog absolutely cracks me up. Plus it’s super helpful to see a normal person try to do these “diy crafts.”

  • Sara

    Loving it! I should just try some of this shit for giggles sometime. But reading about you doing it is way more fun :)

  • DZ

    Would this look OK if instead of “wrapping it like a present” you stuffed the pillow into a gift bag? Cuz that’s as far as I would get….

  • Ryann

    Your blog is hilarious. Keep up the good, bad, and semi-questionable work. :-)

  • Kiti40

    Laughed til I cried. I am on the same boat, I can’t wrap a present if my life depended on it lol

  • mrsmcindoe

    I have tears streaming down my face reading your blog (of laughter!!). I have also been tempted by the new sew cushion, you are a braver girl than I am!

  • mo

    I attempted to do this last summer and turned out horribly.  So glad to know I’m not the only one!

  • Debbs

    Eh, yea i agree that you halfass things alot, but noone judges right? RIGHT? Thie one looks pretty good but my OCD was making my eye twitch that you could have smoothed out the corners (aka making it look less sloppy). You are sooo funny though. I LOVE IT.

  • Pingback: Asploded | Sonja Foust()

  • SharraBucherGoddard

    LOL, KNOT IT! I have to say you did KNOT get it. but that’s what makes it funny and i can totally relate!! just found your blog and i’m now addicted. My son keeps asking, “Mom, what’s so funny?”

  • Skepticalnymph

    Buy an iron

  • dirty duck

    you are amazing

  • AMerchant

    I am so glad you did this, saves me much swearing and mental break downs. This was on my to-do list and now I can add it to my to-dont list.

  • Juju88


  • EagerExistence

    I think it could have worked, if you used a thicker material, and ironed it as you went for the nice hard lines.

    • Stacky_R

       @EagerExistence I agree

  • MeghanMacTavish

    I laughed out loud.

  • CEstrada

    Overall not bad. Better fabric would probably make a difference in the look outcome. But I question the knot in the middle. It seems like it may  not b comfortable to lay on or put behind your back… especially if you do knot it hard….I think I’ll pass.

  • babyfoodchef

    You always make me laugh out loud!!! Thank you! Please keep doing more.

  • ewwwww

    omg, i’m laughing so hard right now that I am crying.

  • Annieheineck

    hahahahahaha!!!!! I was SOOO afraid this might be the results…lololol !!!! I am glad you saved me from buying a ton of material before I ended up with what looks like a bundle of laundry shoved in a sarong and plopped on the couch… heheheh… love to you!!! 

  • RichelleEmbleton

    This has actually made me cry because I was laughing so hard. I love it!

  • Anastasia

    Yeah, I think the original pin used nice, thick material, maybe even upholstery material to make it look that good. Just found your blog and love it! So many times I see pins and think “yeah, that is NOT going to work.”

  • BethPatterson

    I can guarantee that my coworkers think I am a lunatic ( they are dudes) because I laughed until I cried reading this. Literal, actual tears are rolling out of my eyes…well really only tear, as in one. 

  • Helly

    I actually think you did a pretty decent job! If the fabric wasn’t so wrinkled and so… loud in color, it would probably look better than it currently does :-)

  • Stacky_R

    You should have ironed the material

  • paarka

    You used too much fabric.

  • VanityLadii

    Shit it would of been better than my hot ass mess

  • Tuesday

    LOL, well at least you tried. You did a better job than I would have done. Not bad, just had the wrong fabric. Found your blog from another site. Glad that I clicked the link. :-)

  • Rockbleeder

    Found this site on Refinery29. Amazing website! :)

  • Busybee77

    I am crying I am laughing so hard!!! You are the best!

  • debbieferk

    That was so funny I thought I might wet myself…..and since I am a “women of a certain age” that is a definite possibility!!  Thank you so much I really needed t he laugh!!

  • JoniBentley

    I actually tried this a couple weeks ago with two different pieces of fabric. It looked like crap. And I am a fairly crafty person, if I do say so myself. First I had too little fabric (I was trying to make my measurements very close to hers) and then I had too much. I even trimmed off excess fabric for the “folding like a present” part. That knot was bigger than a knee! Not pretty and definitely not as nice looking as the original.  I also decided that if I want to cover my pillows I could do a lot more with less fabric and some hot glue (I am not much of a sewer either).

  • dbabineau

    I have to tell you, your blog has made my day. ROTFL.

  • cgh

    You seriously suck at crafts.  And somehow you made that your talent.  Bravo and well done!

  • Cari

    Lol no offense but that looks so stupid lol. Whoever came up with this idea should just buy a damn pillow cover. Love it. So entertained.

  • The LIZ

    You effing knotted that shit!  Awesome.

  • OhLemontine

    looks like the original crafter used a square knot, which is probably prtly why it looks better… easier to hide ends and look prettier…

  • Pingback: Follow Friday {3}: Pintester | Real Cheap Housewives of Texas()

  • nata

    Oh wow- I can’t stop laughing! Love the threads hanging out of the KNOT :] 

  • emilymezzo

    “KNOT IT.” Why is this step in all caps? I don’t know. Maybe you’re supposed to KNOT IT REALLY HARD! Or maybe, don’t just knot it like a girly wimp– KNOT IT, you prissy little pantywaist. KNOT! IT!
    Bwahahaha! I’ve never laughed so hard by myself before. My cat thinks I’m crazy.

  • Kfred

    Holy H Chirst this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read!!
    You brighten my day!

  • kateeeee

    Although these are very funny to read, everything is half a**ed. it would have made a world of a difference if you would have ironed the cover up first. it would make crisp lines. you always “joke” (can tell if your being legit or not) about products you use for food and beauty pins are expired and gone bad, of course that would affect the outcome. i love that you attempted these, i just wish you wouldn’t executed them like a 7th grader.

    • Michelle

      It would be great if Kateeeee could at least spell or use grammar, punctuation or capitalization as well as a 7th grader. I had to read her comment 3 times before it made sense. She’s probably just jealous she didn’t think of it first. Just Sayin! Carry on Sonja – I don’t care if you fail because these things are impossible to do or if you do it on purpose, it’s entertaining and it’s funny.

  • Cakegirl

    Here is a successful re-test for you. It can work. 

  • Jessica

    Just a tiny sewing tip: I always always always double thread for the simple reason that it is easier. Thread the needle, then make both ends even, and knot them together at the tips. no trying to re-thread halfway through a project, and your stitches are twice as strong. When you need to finish it off, pull the thread through itself before pulling tight. Instant knot. Hope that helps the next time you need to sew something!

  • Hope

    These blogs are fuckin’ hilarious. Pinterest is about using shit around your house anyway. And 90% of people who retry these wind up sucking bad. The only thing that has worked out for me is Unicorn Poop, and that’s because its easy to make something look like colorful shit. Half assed is what makes our country great. I love reading these, keep it up, and Fuck all you haters.

  • Tiffany Wilson

    Reading your blog has made tears roll down my cheeks from laughing so hard. Thanks for making my day :)

  • Rebecca Bergmann

    I can’t sew either. I give up and just buy new pillows.

  • thatpandabitca

    It doesn’t look that bad!