I’m a fairly brave crafter– and by that I mean that I have no concept of which things are going to be way too hard for me to do (hence this blog), usually. But sewing is one of those things that I know without a doubt is beyond my capability.
Yesterday, for example, my simple task was to sew buttons back on to two things that had been sitting in my closet button-less for months waiting for me to grow balls and pull out my sewing kit. (The fact that I even have a sewing kit is kind of astonishing, but I do.) Before I had even threaded my needle, I’d managed to ruin a length of thread with an ill-placed knot, and draw blood twice.
So, when I see no-sew things, I get kinda excited. Enter the no-sew pillow cover:
Here’s how it went for me.
“Lay the pillow on the fabric.” Ummm, fabric. Hm. Fabric. I should have fabric somewhere. Oh! I have many swim-suit cover-ups. Only some of them have holes in them. And smelling like chlorine just makes it more authentically beachy. Right? Right.
“Fold the fabric so it meets halfway on the pillow.” Deceptively simple instructions, these, especially if your swim-suit cover-up is kind of slippery. But I persevered.
“Fold the ends like wrapping a present, into points.” Like wrapping a present? BAHAHAHA. You have obviously never seen me wrap presents. I bet you can guess, though. And there are usually no “points” involved. Still, I did my best.
(Also, I just made the title of the above image “pillow present,” and I’m sure all the Google image searchers are going to expect to see a picture of a cat’s malicious revenge-shit. I’m sorry to disappoint you, Googlers.)
“KNOT IT.” Why is this step in all caps? I don’t know. Maybe you’re supposed to KNOT IT REALLY HARD! Or maybe, don’t just knot it like a girly wimp– KNOT IT, you prissy little pantywaist. KNOT! IT!
“Tuck the ends in.” There was much tucking herein. Tucking and shoving and pulling and attempting to smooth and crease and generally make this look less… well, less like I tied a swim-suit cover-up around a pillow. Still, the results aren’t entirely disagreeable. Now I just have to paint my walls yellow or get an orange bedspread or something.
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