Guys, I had to stop going to Chick-fil-A.
It’s not that I’m denying anyone the right to free speech. The CEO of Chick-fil-A totally has the constitutional right to alienate a large proportion of his patrons by being a gay-hating douche-monger. But I’m not going to give him my money so he can give it to gay-hating douche-mongering organizations. Hell to the no.
My little problem is that Chick-fil-A nuggets are freakin’ delicious. So, I decided to make them myself.
Image from bystephanielynn.com
It’s pretty much standard fried chicken, except the flour mixture has powdered sugar and a shit-ton of salt in it. Now you know the secret: sweet, salty cock.
(Yeah, I went there. I already offended the anti-gay people, so I might as well offend the anti-alternate-word-for-penis people, too. Oh wait. They’re probably the same. Nevermind.)
The most time-consuming part is cutting up all the chicken. Oh my God you guys. I had cock in my hands for like an hour.
Also, there was not enough flour mixture to cover everything, so I did the last third of these with just plain flour. Oops. There is definitely a flavor difference. The ones with salt and sugar were far superior to the plain flour ones.
Guys, I hate frying stuff. There is hot oil and it splatters and I get nervous and screechy and it’s just not a good thing. So I made my husband fry these. But I still wore my awesome apron anyway (speaking of cock).
Italy souvenir from the inestimable Skye
(And there go the anti-nude-art people and the anti-tasteless-souvenirs people. Who else can I offend?)
They came out looking pretty good!
Ok, fine, they don’t really look like Chick-fil-A nuggets, but that’s probably because they’re not. They taste pretty similar, but not exactly the same. So I’m thinking we probably shouldn’t call them Chick-fil-A nuggets. What should we call them instead?
[poll id=”3″](I’m on a roll, guys. Somebody stop me.)
While you’re thinking about that, I also made the sauce. It turned kind of brown and gross-looking and was not my favorite thing, so I would recommend buying your sweet and sour sauce already made.
(Fuck! The anti-store-bought-sauce people just flipped me the bird as they took their candy thermometers and went home.)
In conclusion, I like cock, even if Chick-fil-A doesn’t.
(Wait! You’re unsubscribing because you don’t agree with my politics? I’m pretty sure you’re oppressing my freedom of speech! Commie.)
164 Comments
OMG! You are hysterical. I’m sending this to everyone I know. Love it.~Kerry
You made my morning.
Awesomeness!!
i could give a shit less what ur views are….ur freakin hilarious!!! thanks for the laugh! n I like the sweet and salty cock!! hahahahahaha!!
Being a Canadian, it is almost impossible to offend me, and we don’t have Chik-fil-A in Canada, so we don’t know what we’re missing! Guess you’ll find someone to really piss off today, just not this apologetic Canuck. And for what it’s worth, the cocky bird looks right tasty.
traceyg1000 I love canucks!
We are meant to be bff’s!! I too love cock and refuse to eat at chick-fil-a now! BFF’s unite!!
I just peed myself a little laughing – sweet and salty cock… Love the apron!
Freaking hilarious. Thanks for starting my day with some cock.
I would love to make some sweet, salty cock nuggets myself, but I, too, have a fear of deep frying!
Ha! The problem is that you didn’t add the MSG! I’m sure yours were better.
Brilliant! Thank you.
A=
A+
I have never had chick-whatever, we don’t have them around here. That being said, I do love me some sweet, salty cock and I love the gays! So, you just improved my morning immensely. (It was off to a pretty rocky start, being the morning and all)
this was absolutely your best post yet! LOVED IT!! 🙂
Hilarious!!!!! Made my Friday (FryDay?) :))
Best Post EVER!
I love this post.
day made and its barely 8:15am!
hahahaha! good one for a FRY-day! what can you come up with for a WINEsday? xoxod
I effing loved this post. I tried making a chick-fil-gay chicken sandwich and it was pretty tasty! A little too salty but it was close to the real thing.
You are so awesome! I love your bold use of the word COCK! I happen to like cock. Crispy, fried, salty cock. Keep on testing!
Love it, great apron!
I have been reading you through my Google reader. I too will no longer go to Chik-fil-A. Will add your blog to my blog’s sidebar. (forgot to do that earlier). Your apron is wonderful. Love your posts, go forth and test more pins!
Those look delicious. AND I love your apron! My mom brought me back one from Germany, it’s a girl wearing lederhosen with GIANT boobs and the strap of the lederhosen just cover her nipples. I wear it whenever I cook when we have guests over.
Most fucking hilarious blog post ever. You win the internet!
Thanks for giving me a laugh this morning. I was a little worried about your ominous FB post yesterday. And yes – I like cock and the gays!
Thanks for putting yourself (and your apron’s self) out there. I’ve been blogging about what I care about (sometimes political) and getting some flack for it. Its nice to see you go so brazenly where you may be ridiculed. And doing it with nuggets of cock 🙂
I can’t wait to put your sweet,salty cock nuggets in my mouth! Thanks for the recipe, I am sharing this with the Fam fo sho.
@josefm7 Thanks for the share!
That was cocksome!! Made my morning. Thanks!!Dawn @ fabulously clever
Funny and irreverent. Love it. And isn’t everything delicious chocked full of salt and sugar? ARGH. Sugar is the devil. The tasty, delicious, hip-expanding devil.
I used to like you. Now I love you. Please have my babies!
You seem to handle cock well. Getting in there and not stopping until the job is done. Hilarious! Much love to you for only sugar coating the cock and not your opinions!
My favorite post so far! Thanks! You are hilarious.
HIGHlarious!! Also, thank you so much for trying this one! I live in cold, snowy Canada but my best friend is American and she introduced me to Chick-Fil-A nuggets, got me addicted and then went and boycotted the place (not that I blame her at all, gay marriage has been legal for a decade here, we are yet to start marrying our dogs…although I found a pair of shoes yesterday I’d consider marrying but that’s a different story). Anyway, long story short, I can now have my nuggets again.
Also, I’d love you forever if you’d attempt this one… http://pinterest.com/pin/52987733086991937/
HA. I just have one thing to say… 69% vote Sweet, salty cock nuggets at this moment in time.
@GraveDancer40 Well that’s an interesting take and I have been craving them lately (standing strong!) but…how healthy?
@YourRacingBelle Well they’re thrown in flower, sugar and salt and then fried so…
@YourRacingBelle Well they’re thrown in flour, sugar and salt and then fried so…
@GraveDancer40 Hahahaha…so negative.
@YourRacingBelle But a fun idea for a cheat day!
That looks DELICIOUS! It actually looks more appetizing than Chick-Fil-A nuggets.
HELL TO THE YEAH! This makes me admire you even more!
I am terrified of frying things. I caught some oil on fire once, and calmly walked around the kitchen looking for baking soda to put it out with the flames burning the cobwebs on the ceiling (don’t judge), FINALLY found the baking soda, put out the fire, and THEN proceeded to have a panic attack. Now I avoid bubbling oil at all costs. But I do miss me some Chik-fil-A nuggets. Yours look awesome. Someone on another site suggested soaking the chicken in picklejuice before breading them to get that zing. Maybe I should finally try to fry something again. Outside. With no trees within 100 feet and on non-flammable gravel.
I’m so glad to know I’m not alone in my long-held fear of frying things. It’s just plain dangerous and should be strictly reserved for professionals i.e. my husband and son. 😉
Will you marry me? Oh wait we are both women, Chic-Fil-A would not approve! And besides I am already married and I prefer sweet, salty cock and not tacos soooo. Anyway, I totally support gay rights and I have to say this was your BEST post ever!! I was laughing so hard everyone in Village Inn was staring at me (I should really learn not to read your posts while in public). The part where you said: “Now you know the secret: sweet, salty cock.(Yeah, I went there. I already offended the anti-gay people, so I might as well offend the anti-alternate-word-for-penis people, too.”I am still laughing as I type……think I better leave the restaurant before they kick me out and tell me not to come back…..Oh and where did you get that apron??? I MUST have one!
You’re fucking awesome.
i love you – you may LOVE this chick. I do – http://youtu.be/eNq8r4S5jSk”chick-fil-gay” sandwich!
Just when I thought I couldn’t love this blog more… You. Are. Awesome.
I SO want to see the version that Robbie thought was too offensive 🙂 Loved this.
I love your blog. But one question; If someone unsubscribes from your feed because they don’t agree with your views they are “oppressing your freedom of speech! Commie”, but aren’t you doing the same to Chick-Fil-A for boycotting their views on Gay marriage? I am pretty sure you both make money. Not that I am against Gay marriage. I don’t care who anyone marries, marry your dog for all I care (but that would have to be free of sex, because that is bestiality and just gross). Just sayin’, If you can have your views why can’t other people have theirs?
CD928 I don’t think she said she had a problem with Dan Cathay expressing his point of view. She said she wouldn’t support his point of view with her money. I think the part where if you unsubscribe you are a Commie is what we like to call *sarcasm*.
chickieD CD928 I got the sarcasm. I was just saying she is also a commie for not supporting with her money. It is a two way street. Not trying to start a huge debate here.I will still buy the real thing, that doesn’t make me anti-gay, I also still shop at target (who support gay marriage).
Face. Palm.
CD928 chickieD Clearly you don’t get sarcasm. You should work on that.
@CD928 “I dunno think that word means what you think it means”… ‘commie’ would be her standing in line for bread, ‘capitalist’ is her decision to chose where her money is spent, for any reason. Politics and religion aside, chick-fil-a as a corporation chose to spend their big bags of money on supporting hateful and destructive policies both here and internationaly. I use my capitalist powers
…elsewhere for awesome! /rant On with the Pins!!
CD928 No. She clearly said she has stopped giving money to Chick-Fil-A not because of the comments but because they give millions of dollars to organizations that want to, among other things, outlaw gay marriage. If I give money to Chick-Fil-A then MY money is funding those organizations, too. If I do not want to fund them, then I have no choice but to not give any money to Chick-Fil-A. Get it? Their money comes from the customers.She then made fun of people like you who don’t get it and keep insisting it is about what he said, not what he does. That’s the sarcasm, which you didn’t get.
And with this one post, you got yourself a new fan for life.
I think Chik-fil-a uses peanut oil for frying. I’ve had a hard time finding it recently in stores, I’m not sure why.
chickieD Maybe it’s because it has the word “NUT” in it. LOL Sorry, i had to.
This is amazing. I have never wanted fried chicken so badly in all my life!
And now I love you more than ever.
I fucking love you. You’re my hero. I’m a vegetarian, but I’m sharing this with everyone I know.
I have a boner for you now.
I want to vote for Gay Fil A, but I would also like to vote to not vote just because that amuses me.
I dont agree with your politics, but you are still freaking hilarious!!!! LOL Thanks for all of the testing you do!!!
I am pretty sure we’re on the same page. And you look like the seks in that apron.
Did we just become best friends?!?
OMG, I always read blogs but never comment… Today I must make an exception to just tell you I fucking love you! That is all.
I. Love. You! Being a follower of your blog, when I saw the warning yesterday I just figured you completely annihilated the recipe and there would be yet another funny read that all the “follow-the-recipe-and-you-wouldn’t-fuck-up” people would hate. This was a FANTASTIC surprise! Kudos to you for standing up for what you believe in (I no longer eat Chick-Fil-Hate either) and not being afraid to shout it from the rooftops. And honestly, I wouldn’t be all that heartbroken if you were “unfollowed” by the type of person who would be offended by that part of this post if I were you either. There seems to be some major confusion over the difference between attacking someone’s freedom of speech and choosing not to give your money to a company that donates to organizations you don’t agree with. But I digress….Thank you so much for testing this recipe! I’m not much for frying, myself – but these may be worth it!
Oh…and I want that damn apron.
Just started reading your blog. This post will keep me here. Hilarious!
Delicious!
Of course, I come look at your blog to see this hilarious post, and go to comment and see that there are 69 comments. How fitting!Anyway, hilarious shite here.
PS, 69% of readers chose sweet and salty cock nuggets. I thought that was an appropriate percentage…
LOL… awesome.
I usually love your posts. Actually I love ALL your posts… Except this one. Not a huge fan. Didn’t like the naked picture art. That is all. Probably doesn’t matter too much 🙂 But I thought I would say something. I have to draw the line somewhere!
I was not expecting a penis apron, but I love it! It makes my sorta frilly Anthropologie apron look like mean girl Regina to your Lindsey Lo. And Mean Girls Lindsey was the best!
I believe you offended vegetarians, vegans, and gluten-free people as well. Two thumbs up!
Buy some scissors and make them “Kitchen ONLY” and cut up chicken with them. It’s super fast.
I love you, I honestly love you…
I love you, I honestly love you…
I too love you also. Youre super duper as I have mentioned before. Thank you. P.S. I voted for Buttsecks. Just because I’m partial to your spelling choice. *insert cheesy thumbs up here because no one gives people the tumbs up anymore*Accept the lady 3 comments below mine…but I dont feel like deleting my comment so I’ll just continue writing to justify my stupidity. P.S.S I made my comment italicized just to look fancy and the option was provided to me. Thank you very much for that.
I’m so so pleased my gift has made the big time 🙂
That apron. I need it in my life. Now. Oh, and you rock. 😉
This may be one of my all-time favorite posts!! I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit. I love that you don’t worry about offending people (or if you do worry about it you don’t let it censor your writing)!!!
This may be my favorite thing you have ever posted. Love the apron and cock nuggets. This was outstanding.
@brandylafleur Thanks for the share!
@ThePintester Thanks for being hilarious & being my go-to blog on those “shoot me in tha face” days!!!
What offends me is your use of the term “cock” when you are cooking hens. Hens, not roosters. I know it’s a little counterintuitive, because you’d think nuggets would come from boy chickens, but these are the breasts of girl chickens.
Doctor Tarr That is an awesome comment.
I’ve been making the Copycat Chick-Fil-A sandwiches for a while because: A) we don’t have Chick-Fil-A in Michigan, and B) I don’t agree with the CEO using money earned to support his anti-gay agenda… but the sandwiches are A-MAZ-ING. The secret is soaking the chicken breasts in dill pickle juice for about an hour or two before you put them in the flour mixture and fry them. My husband said they are almost exact! I got the recipe from another blog I love, Hilah Cooking (found here: http://hilahcooking.com/chick-fil-a-copycat/) Check it out, and I’m sure you will enjoy! 🙂 She also has a recipe for the sauce! :-)P.S. Check out the pin of my Chick-Fil-A copycat I made on my board: http://media-cache-ec5.pinterest.com/upload/53691420528171148_6BYiubpP_f.jpg
Love your blogs, you are beyond awesome! This is my #1, and if people don’t like your opinion? Well, joke ’em if they can’t take a f*ck.
You need to fry them in more oil. You pan fried them here. Deep fry them and they will look/taste more similar. And it helps if you use peanut oil. I have made these before and the “chic-fil-a sauce” too. Just a friendly suggestion from a loyal culinary graduate pinteste. ;D
This is definitely your best post to date! You should offend more people more often.
Your choice of language is repulsive and uneducated. Lose the prideful attitude, woman.
I’ve read all your entries before, but never commented. I had to comment on this one. THANK YOU. My kids are going into CFA nugget withdrawal. They’re old enough to understand WHY we don’t eat there, but it doesn’t stop them from asking me weekly if CFA has changed their minds yet.Rock out with your cock out!
Oh my god! This is the funniest, most poignant thing I’ve read in a long time. Thank you!
Hilarious and awesome! I officially love you.
Sorry you went there. Loved your site but your unnecessary language lost me. But, hey…free speech, right?
Simplegal1031 You do know that a cock is a boy chicken, yes? But sure, free speech allows people to take offense at silly blog posts that make a valid point. Discrimination sucks more than unnecessary language.
Simplegal1031 Who’s to say it’s unnecessary?
love this post. an appropriate, reasoned argument made hilarious with penises.
Love it! Fuck em if they can’t take a joke! I voted for buttsecks because I like them short and sweet
Oh gosh I love this so hard. And just yesterday I was whining about not being able to each Chik-Fil-A. Problem solved! Now, can you discover/open a Hobby Lobby replica too?
I pissed myself reading this. And then you wore that apron. Perfection.
I’m so making these and telling my husband we’re having sweet and salty cock for supper.
Hillarious! I’m so glad you “go there!” How about frying them in a wok: call them Cock of the Wok?
I was laughin so hard i almost the ad at the bottom for free chick fil a coupons!
I was laughing so hard i almost missed the ad at the bottom for free chick fil a coupons!
You are my new favorite blogger.
DYING of laughter at my desk!
Yes Excellent! <3 pinster
So much yes!!! I have been reading your blog forever but I definitely felt compelled to comment on this one. You are my hero and I love you… Please don’t stop being awesome and hilarious!
Damn good blog post, woman (meant as an endearing term, I call my kids that too…)! I find myself wishing we were friends!
ooooooooooooh.. i’m inlove.. you totally rock..cock and all… fall down funny on my tuesday afternoon..I feckin hate tuesdays..
i can’t stop laughing – favorite post so far…
Pretty sure you and I are sisters separated at birth. Same love of foul language and similar political views. Rock on, my friend.
I FUCKING LOVE you. You are my hero!
Everything about this post is brilliant. Thank you for making gay-loving nuggets.
“Why don’t we call them ‘Tasteicals’?””No, that sounds too much like Tastecicles, the frozen Rocky Mountain Oysters on a stick”I could not help but quote that for this. But you know me and my love of Futurama( well maybe you do).This is awesome and you are hilarious!
Love me some Futurama!
@tiliquita12 Thanks for the share!
I just don’t get how none of you see that the owner of CFA was asked on his personal believes about gay marriage. The statement has nothing to do with the company. Just a reminder the people we buy our oil from beheads gays. I love this bog. I would prefer you left your political opinions to your self. I love coming to this bog to get away from politics.
RachelRichardson *headdesk* She said, right up there: “The CEO of Chick-fil-A totally has the constitutional right to alienate alarge proportion of his patrons by being a gay-hating douche-monger.But I’m not going to give him my money so he can give it to gay-hating douche-mongering organizations. Hell to the no.”CFA donates money (the money they get when people buy their nummy nummy chicken) to organizations that equate homosexuality with pedophilia and organizations that treat homosexulaity as a disease that can be cured through prayer. If you believe that those organizations are great and want your money to go there, then fine, go for it, have fun. I DON’T. I won’t eat at CFA and I’m so glad this recipe was posted. The Pintester has a right to post whatever she wants. Don’t like it? then do what I did when I learned about CFA: LEAVE.And as for the straw man argument that “the people we buy our oil from behead gays”, you’re right, it’s true. I don’t like it and I believe we need to find a better source for our energy. HOWEVER, most Americans need transportation. My daughter has doctors appointments 30 miles away. I can’t say “Oh, sorry, honey, we can’t go get your legs fixed because oil is made by bad people.” I CAN say “We don’t eat there because they don’t like gay people.” See the difference?Sorry for the length.
lemonfloorwax RachelRichardson Very well said, Lemonfloorwax lady! Thank you for saying exactly what I was thinking!
lemonfloorwax We don’t apologize for length around here. Girth, maybe. Length, no.
Pintester lemonfloorwax Thanks. *blush* OMGSHETALKEDTOME
lemonfloorwax RachelRichardson My 1st statement wasn’t to pintester it was to all the people I have read stating he made his statement FOR CFA. 2nd I ASKED for political statements not be put on here. I know she can do what ever she wasn’t. It just never hurts to ASK. 3rd The oil statement is for all there people who block out that but then claims “how dare some one have that belief”. There was never a statement about HATING gays. Opposing gay marriage does NOT make one a gay hater. Pay attention why some one opposes it before you call them a hater. Some one basically belittling another for being gay vs Some one saying do what you want but leave what IS seen at a religious union alone. Now do YOU see the difference. The better source for oil IS the alaskan pipeline. Im sorry to hear about you daughter and pray she heals quickly.
RachelRichardson lemonfloorwax Your grammar is making it hard for me to understand what you’re trying to get across. Honestly. I’m not being mean; I am telling you that your statements are confusing because of how you are writing them.I never said CFA hated gays. Go back and re-read. I said they don’t like gays. But if we come right down to it, yes, denying people the right to marry based on their sexuality is a form of intolerance (aka hatred). So yes, I believe CFA hates gays.You’re right, it doesn’t hurt to ask. Unless you’re asking for a right that other people have that is denied to you based on your sexuality. *frowny face* Thanks for the prayers. Actually doing something that would fix the problem might take effort, I guess. You can pray up and down until the end of time and it’s not going to change my daughter’s condition. Science will. So let me leave you with a passive aggressive parting shot of my own: I’ll be researching for you. 😉
RachelRichardson lemonfloorwax Also forgot to mention that as long as marriages can be performed legally by someone other than a religious official, marriage isn’t solely a religious union. Separation of church and state and all that.
I freaking love you.
This post is now irrelevant. YAY! http://www.queerty.com/chick-fil-a-stops-anti-gay-donations-adopts-anti-discrimination-policy-20120919/
Pintester I was gonna post about it. I am soooo happy!!!! I seriously love Chik-fil-A’s sandwiches and their restaurants, actually. I am really excited the boycott worked. Although i was only boycotting in spirit since i live in New York and there aren’t any here. But when I go down South I am so eating there now.
Pintester Not so fast: http://www.hrc.org/blog/entry/chick-fil-a-continues-to-feign-ignorance-at-the-harm-its-causing-lgbt-commu
EWJLang Pintester aw man 🙁 i thought i was gonna be able to eat mor chikin again. that sucks ass.
rfoust EWJLang Pintester I know – a friend of mine posted a similar article from the Advocate and I am so sad. Glad I know how to make my chik-fil-gay.
OMG, I love you. Someone pinned your test of the strawberries and cream mug cake and I am hooked. You are hilarious and I just laughed so hard. 😀
AMEN Pintester AMEN! I have definitely removed Chik Fool’s A from regular rotation since that CEO let his mouth spew that stoopid A$$ crap…i’m on this I will be testing this TOMORROW! Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!
You are awesome. That’s all.
Pure awesomeness! Please, can we hang out. I’m in Cary and need more friends who swear and have a sense of humor!!!
OH MY LARRY! i cannot stop laughing at this – your blog is awesome! you are totally keeping me from housework! i flipping LOVE YOU!
Your blog is brilliant, hilarious, and ballsy! Love it! Also, thanks for fucking up the pins so I don’t have to!
Love this site! You are just too hilarious, me & you have the same sense of humor & would get along great!
[…] code PINTESTER15 for 15% off anything! I recommend the apron, even though it doesn’t have a penis on […]
I was going to follow your blog because it seemed funny then i realize how much of a liberal idiot you are and decided not to….
kp95dc15 I know we’re all relieved.
kp95dc15 How could you possibly assume Liberal from this post? You cannot. I couldn’t agree with her more and I’m Libertarian. I wouldn’t be pointing that idiot-finger around…
Because she has a brain
And yet, you took the time to snark.
Wow. I love it when idiots post negative comments about some taking the time to post a comment.
Well if that’s not the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is!
my point exactly
@Pintester Try frying them with peanut oil next time. That’s the other chick fil a secret
Love it!
I am literally LOL’ing and I m sure my family (mostly sleeping) must think Mom is totally losing it!. You are fantastic, I love your blog! I recently had my first pinterest fail (***DO NOT EVER LIGHTLY SAND AN APPLE TO GET THE CARAMEL TO ADHERE, THE APPLE SKIN WEEPS AND CARAMEL WILL SLIDE RIGHT OFF***) and a friend told me about your blog.
Your blog is great! Keep up the good work…
Those look awesome !! Think ill try it tonight !! Btw, I can’t stop reading your pins, I’m dying over here !!!
Apparently, and this top secret tip comes form a former employee of aforementioned restaurant, the missing step to making this taste just like the nuggets they make is to brine the chicken in pickle juice before breading and frying. I don’t eat meat or i’d try it myself. But, maybe someone else could give it a go?
You are a RIOT!!!! LOL! My husband is trying your recipe… we’ll let you know how it goes! :