For Valentine’s Day, as with most holidays, my favorite part is the snacks. There’s always the traditional Valentine chocolate, of course, but when you live on Pinterest, you find lots of other Valentine treats, too.
Image from Daily Nibbles
I figured these were a no-fail plan. I mean, I make the plain old peanut butter kiss cookies all the time, so these should be no sweat. And I even checked to make sure I had all the ingredients first, I swear. I had two jars of creamy peanut butter in the pantry.
Unluckily for me, they were both almost empty. (Sometimes being married is like having a rude roommate, except you can’t really leave passive-aggressive notes.)
So, I had to supplement with some crunchy peanut butter.
Really, though, in the grand scheme of things, that’s not a major substitution.
And it looked fine once I mixed it all up.
As with all good Valentine treats, the next step was dying it pink.
The results of this dye job made my heart sink a little.
You can’t quite tell from the picture, but the hue was a little more “bloody stool” than I was going for, and the crunchies in the crunchy peanut butter made for some visually interesting chunks. But I forged ahead because I was running out of time before I had to leave for rehearsal.
So I rolled little ugly peanut butter shit-balls in pink sprinkles.
And stuck them in the oven.
Alas, the color did not magically fix itself during the baking process.
But, when life gives you shitty little sort-of pink peanut butter cookies, you might as well finish them.
And, really, once they were bedecked with the hugs, they didn’t look that bad…
Upon returning home from rehearsal, however, I found that the hugs had sort of lost their erections in further melting.
And so, I am left with a plate full of almost-pink-but-more-brown peanut butter flaccid hugs. Happy Valentine’s Day to me.
27 Comments
” I am left with a plate full of almost-pink-but-more-brown peanut butter flaccid hugs.”
Flaccid hugs… I just… I just can’t stop laughing/enjoying that sentence.
No, no, you see, the erections are going down into the cookie now. Your hugs became more intimate.
Now I want to recreate your sorda fail..much funnier!
They kind of remind me of the meatloaf cupcakes. You know the ones that you think are red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, then you find out that you’ve been fucked and it’s really just meatloaf with mashed potatoes on top?
It’s okay; sometimes it’s nice to have a hug without an erection being involved.
“I love you like a sister” cookies
If you freeze the hugs before putting them on the cookies, that often helps!
Hahaha! So sorry you had sad erection cookies instead of happy kisses!
I reaaaaaaaaaaalllly want you to do the hot glue crayons to posterboard and use a hair dryer to melt them into wonderful streaks good enough to frame pin. I was reading it this weekend, and it had FAIL written allllll accross it.
If there was booze in them you could call them whiskey dick cookies.
I think you’d be more confident of firm erections if you used kisses rather than hugs. Just sayin’.
Let’s be realistic. The only difference (aside from some unfortunate flaccidity) between your cookies and the pin is Photoshop.
I’ll second that. Natural lighting for the pic followed by adjusting curves, upping saturation, adjusting the color balance toward the cool side of the spectrum, and up the contrast. I mean look at the original photo. The poster adjusted so far to the cool side, the white stripes are greenish.
The official cookie of being friendzoned
I’ll admit, I read through all the comments looking for the person that had something ridiculously witty to say about passive aggressive notes to their significant others. Alas, nothing.
Also. I did a version for Christmas: sugar cookies with peppermint hugs in them. My hugs also became extremely flaccid. Of course, they actually ended up looking like little peppermints in the center of the cookies. So, really, it was almost better.
Remember that fake dog poo you used to buy as a kid? These look kinda like that, but from some fancy dog like a poodle (hahaha poo is in it’s name) and the dog owner is obsessed with zebra prints and the poodle ate the owners fancy zebra print underwear and took a massive deuce. So, I think you can make this a win. Simply spray these cookies with some craft stuff to seal it, and market these little shits on etsy or something. You’re welcome for this awesome idea.
I didn’t even have to read past “Sometimes being married is like having a rude roommate, except you can’t really leave passive-aggressive notes,” and I died. I just got married in August and this is so true! Except I never had to deal with rude roommates or passive-aggressive notes.
Why do I read this blog at work?!?! My co-workers think I’ve lost my mind because my job isn’t that funny.
I think you did a pretty good job on this one. Plus really, let’s face it… a cookie is a cookie, and it’s still going straight to my ass.
I’ve always enjoyed flaccid hugs… just warm feelings of shame, with no expectations
I wish I could hit the up button again on this for some reason.. consider yourself flaccid e-hugged
Also sorry to write on a clearly dead thread
I don’t care that the thread is dead, because I as well thought this was mothertrucking hilarious
they look like boobs. with stripper tossles on them. haha
I thought I loved your blogs. But then I started reading your testes’ comments. Now I’m not sure which I love more!
They look like little zebra asses hanging out of a Dr. Suess bush (not the female kind)
Id eat the shit out of them.
If you put them right into the refrigerator for a few minutes after putting the hugs on, they stay just fine.