Fruit Roll-Ups are one of my fondest memories of childhood. Ok, well, that right there is hyperbole. My fond memories do revolve around more significant things than Fruit Roll-Ups. But we did have fun with them. In elementary school, all the kids who got Fruit Roll-Ups were the coolest because (get this) we’d take them and squish them to the roofs of our mouths and say, “Look! I have a retainer!” Yes, children without retainers were pretending to have them. Coolness is relative in elementary school, guys.
Anyway, when I saw this pin for how to make your own Fruit Roll-Ups, I knew I had to try it.
Image from The DIY Mommy
The first problem I came across was the problem of fruit. I had exactly… grapes, and nothing else. But then I remembered my frozen strawberries, purchased aspirationally when I bought my tiny blender thinking I’d drink a smoothie for breakfast every day like Jenna Marbles. Perfect. I didn’t want those fucking smoothies anyway.
The second problem is that my cute little individual blender, while adorable, is not big enough for two cups of strawberries.
No problem. I can make it in batches, I thought. And sure, they’re frozen, but I’m adding honey as liquid so it’ll all be fine.
And the answer to that thought process is a resounding NO. No, it will not blend. So I dumped everything out into a bowl, microwaved it for 30 seconds, added a little water, and blended it in even smaller batches.
It only took 3 or 4 (or 5 or 6) batches to get it all done and poured out onto the cookie sheet.
Not the most appetizing thing in the world, but hell, I’ve eaten worse. How bad could it be when the only two ingredients I used were strawberries and honey?
My oven’s lowest setting is 200 degrees, so I turned it on and stuck this in the oven. I thought it might be done in about 3 hours. It took 4 and a half. At one point, though, I thought it was done and took it out and even ate some, only to find that the center of the pan was still liquid.
Oops. When it was actually done, I took it out and peeled it off the paper. It was pretty nasty, guys. Not to be gross (ok, I’m lying about that– this is solely to be gross), but it looked sort of like a used, dried up maxi pad. Om nom.
Actually, though, it tasted pretty damn delicious and I think wouldn’t even need the honey were I to make it again. But let’s be honest: I’m not going to blend 5 batches of strawberries and bake something for four hours just for a piece of Fruit Roll-Up that I ended up eating in two sittings, no matter how damn delicious it is.
23 Comments
I have a ‘Sun Oven’ I could do this in, thanks babe for letting me now it’s possible and easy if you have the right stuff. **You’ve got the right stuff, baby…** oh crap KNOTB stuck in my head, beotch 😉
And now it’s in mine too. Thanks for todays earworm! 🙂
When I was a kid, I would bend a paper clip and make my own retainer. And don’t get me started on those bitches with braces, I was so jealous of them because they would get their rubber bands in cool colors, like alternating purple and green.
I made these fruit rollups too, but yours came out way better. Mine were like a dried out maxi pad that someone left in the sun on the edges, but with fresh menstrual blood in the middle. There was no way I was eating that.
Ew. Just… ew.
Also, we did that Fruit Rollup retainer thing in elementary school too! Kids are weird.
Oh my lord. I read, “Looks like menstrual flow, tastes pretty good” out loud to my husband, and he responded, “Just like menstrual flow.” Brb, gonna vomit.
That looks like the health class video when the placenta is expelled.
Just FYI, you can definitely make fruit leather with grapes – they’ve been doing it for centuries in the Middle East/Mediterranean. That said – it brings me to a “Pintester” moment of my own a while back. I had never made it myself, so when I looked at my grandmother’s recipe and the amount of (grape) juice involved, I decided to try making a cran/cherry juice version. I didn’t take into account the amount of water added to juice these days. Back in her day, I’m sure grape juice meant just that. What a disaster! Haven’t gone back to try it again yet. :’)
i have frozen mangoes, might give this a shot!
That is DISGUSTING! Yet another item to add to my list of “Things that are better purchased in the store”.
Bahahaha! Thanks for making my recipe and for the forever-engrained-in-my-head analogy. You’ve probably prevented me from ever making these again for my kids. Unless it’s as a “you’re becoming a woman now” teaching tool.
And thank YOU for your tasty recipe and for being a good sport! Much appreciated. 🙂
I have absolutely nothing humorous to say about this, which is totally out of character for me, but I actually want to try making a few flavors since my stupid jerk allergies makes me unable to eat most commercial fruit leathers.
I have to say, even the original looks pretty damn disgusting. But glad it turned out well, taste-wise!
I will never be able to eat this again!
That is the funniest, most disgusting thing EVER! LMAO!
I think, given the truly expensive nature of making it yourself (4 hours in an oven people? Really?) this recipe is only worth doing in large quantities – fill every shelf.
I want to try this myself as I tried the dried fruit thing and got the same output as you – burned on the outside and not remotely dried in the middle.
I might make the strawberry fruit leather and use a mandolin (the cutter, not the musical instrument) to slice some pineapple and see if I can get that to dry properly.
Alternatively, if you’re not bothered about your car stinking of strawberry, stick it on the dashboard in the middle of summer and leave it there all day. Free oven.
I have to admit you’re right about the menstrual flow though – the burned bits at the edge look like clots. Mmmm yummy.
I made these once, In an attempt to be “stepford mom” and never buy them again… I waited 6 hours for my freaking pan to finish, and they were still moist in the center…. so I just in haled them and pretended it never happened.
My mom used to make these for me all the time! I was never one of the ‘cool’ kids because she did it all from scratch. But OH MY GOODNESS they were good. I’ve been making them for my kids too. they prefer them over the nasty plastic you get at the store.
Love your blog. Make me giggle giggle oh so often!!!
My mom made us fruit leather once. I guess this is why? I also remember mushing fruit roll-ups to the roof of our mouths but I think that was more about sneaking them into class than about having a retainer. But all this talk of retainers and braces is giving me flashbacks to actually having braces.
Thanks for doing what you do!!
Looks spot on my placenta.
I read that as “It only took 3 or 4 (or 5 or 6) bitches”, and it didn’t seem odd to me at all. That’s when you know you’ve hooked your reader. Batch on!
My menstrual blood looks more like picture number one. Wrapped in raffia.
i bet if you rotate the pan halfway through, it might help it be done a bit faster. Unless you have one of those fancy convection ovens with a fan in the back, it’s hard to have even dry heat that would allow for dehydration.