Straighten Hair With Milk

Remember when I tried to straighten my hair with brown sugar? Remember how it was a fail so epic that it was the most popular fail of 2013? Do you further remember that I am the Pintester and therefore do not learn from the past and will try a destined-to-fail hair straightening method again?

Tada…

For this one, all you need is milk. Yup. Milk.

In my case, I actually bought some milk. (We are generally a milkless household, so normally only have coconut milk or some variant thereof.) And then I didn’t have time to do this pin test for a long time because of Reasons and Things (mostly the fact that I failed to plan ahead enough to give myself an extra 20 minutes before washing my hair).

So my milk was old.

I reasoned, though, that since I was not actually going to drink this, and rather put it on my head, it didn’t really matter if it was sort of spoiled. And, really, it wasn’t that spoiled. There was stink, but it wasn’t chunky or anything. (Low standards mean you are rarely disappointed– a life lesson from the Pintester.)

You will remember from my brown sugar experiment that my last spray bottle bit the dust. I bought myself a new one.

And then I inaugurated the unfortunate bottle with sour milk. Sorry.

I put the instructed one-third of a cup of milk in the bottle, and proceeded to spray it on my dry hair (and all over my bathroom). Somehow being in my hair made it more stinky. I don’t know. Science.

It’s surprisingly difficult to get a good picture of hair after spraying it with milk whilst trying not to get sour milk on your camera.

I did a half-hearted detangle comb and then put all the hair up on top of my head for 20 stinky minutes. (Ignore my eye make-up. I had just finished having my ass handed to me by Jillian Michaels since my gym was closed for the snow day. Stinky boiled-ass-smelling milk + gross sweat + melty eye make-up. I am one sexy motherfucker.)

Then I showered and shampooed and conditioned as usual, per the instructions, although I can’t really call my shampoo-and-condition routine “usual,” because it only happens twice a week at most, so there’s that.

The good news: The milk didn’t seem to have any adverse effects on the final smell of my hair or on my hair’s drying time.

The bad news: It doesn’t really work as a straightener. Guys, I know you’re going to look at this picture and think that maybe it possibly works, but this is maybe only slightly straighter than how my hair usually dries and that’s probably because I spent an extra 15 minutes combing sticky sour milk out of my hair in the shower. And I still wouldn’t call it straight.

So, save your milk for your cereal, girls.