The Ultimate Gift Solution for the 40-Year-Old Man Who Has Everything

2 Posted by - October 14, 2014 - DIY & Crafts

So it was my husband’s 40th birthday earlier this week. Some of you may think that he is incredibly hard to shop for because he is old, but no. He has been hard to shop for ever since I’ve known him, and probably for his whole life. This is because when he wants something, he just goes ahead and buys it, so at any given moment, he already has anything he could ever want. Turd.

Because of this, I usually don’t get him presents, or I get him something he’s been waffling about whether he should buy or not (which produces mixed results). For his 40th, though, I thought I should try to be a little more creative. Didn’t want to win any Shitty Wife awards or anything, ya know?

Thus I present to you The Ultimate Gift Solution for the 40-Year-Old Man Who Has Everything.

The ultimate gift solution for the 40-year-old man who has everything! No kidding. It'll work.

Photo credit: Johnny Shepherd (A good friend never fails to take your picture when you look like this.)

Here it is. Ready?… Instead of getting one big present, get 40 little presents. Revolutionary, no?

Now I hear you screaming that you can’t even afford one present, let alone forty, but hear me out. These do not have to be present-caliber presents, if you get my meaning. I got Robbie a lot of stuff that I know he likes but I normally wouldn’t give as a gift. Not kidding. Bananas. Razors. Snack mix. Think small. It’s the volume that counts here, people.

Extra points? You write a little poem to go along with it, like so. Ahem ahem ahem.

For your 40th birthday,
I went and I found
A thing for each year
That you’ve been around. 

1 bag full of Reese’s,
And 3 pairs of socks,
1 pack of beef jerky,
1 cocktail sauce, 

1 tiny cast iron,
1 bag of snack mix,
4 big bananas,
And 1 bag full of chips, 

10 little dollars
For the Google Play store,
1 pack of gum—
And yet there’s still more—… 

4 razor refills
For all your face hair,
1 bottle of vodka
You probably won’t share, 

1 chocolate bar,
1 sour apple mix,
1 bag of peanuts,
Some beers (there are 6), 

1 car phone charger,
And that’s almost it.
That’s 39 things… 

And the last is a kiss.

Sadly, I don’t have pictures of the wrapped items, but I did a shitty job wrapping them anyways, and you get the idea. I do have a picture of the kiss, which I know you’re dying to see.

kiss outtake

Oh, oops. Outtake.



So see? It all worked out. He’s happy, I’m happy, and we have some bananas. Yay.

Also: Lest ye think this is not a pin test and therefore does not go in this blog, I declare thee a liar, because I got the vague idea for it from Pinterest. So nyeh.

Image from

Image from

Happy 40th, Robbie!

The Ultimate Gift Solution for the 40-Year-Old Man Who Has Everything
Article Name
The Ultimate Gift Solution for the 40-Year-Old Man Who Has Everything
I promise this will solve all of your 40-year-old man-who-has-everything gift-buying woes. Really. For real.


  • Beth Anne Riches October 14, 2014 - 5:39 pm Reply

    That is freakin’ adorable.

    A few friends have started calling my husband “Saint Ken.” I have no idea why, but it might have something to do with the life-sized cardboard cutout of Daryl Dixon standing in our basement. I suspect that a few people might call your husband Saint Robbie. 🙂 So happy birthday, Saint Robbie!

  • JimNotMike October 14, 2014 - 6:15 pm Reply

    When my sister turned 40, I met with a caterer and came up with 40 “small plate” food items of all her favorite dishes. Didn’t cost a fortune, I think it was around $120. On the day of her birthday, the caterer delivered the items to her work surprising her and her coworkers with a small feast. Great surprise and she still brings it up to me from time to time about how she will never forget it.

  • Craig Thom October 16, 2014 - 7:10 am Reply

    When my nieces were very young I had no idea what to get them for gifts, so I have them bags full of cheap little toys, like Slinkys and Silly Putty and glow sticks and stickers. Something in there was always a hit.

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