Brown Sugar Hair Straightener

I don’t usually do this. Most of the time, when I test pins on this blog, I make sure that there is a source to that pin– usually a blog post. But I’m making an exception here because of the ubiquity of this pin:

As far as I can tell, there is no source anywhere for these instructions besides the caption of this pin, and I don’t even have any idea where the picture came from. (If it’s yours, let me know.)

The caption of the pin reads: To straighten hair without heat, just mix a cup of water with 2 tablespoons of BROWN sugar, pour it into a spray bottle, then spray into damp hair and let hair dry.

I’ve also seen a version with one cup water and half a cup brown sugar, but the idea is the same in both.

My theory is that people just pin random shit on Pinterest and then caption it this way to see if anyone will be gullible enough to try it.

In this case, the “anyone” gullible enough to try it is me.

I put everything in the spray bottle and got ready to go. (In case you need to know for scientific purposes, I went with the formula containing 2 tablespoons of brown sugar rather than half a cup.)

And then the spray bottle refused to spray.

Not cool, spray bottle. Not cool.

I performed some surgery to see if I could fix it.

Alas, it was a failure. So I had this whole bottle of brown sugar water, and wet hair.

And I’ll be damned if I was going to give up because of a spray nozzle malfunction. Nope. So I did what I had to do. I turned my head upside down and poured that shit on my hair.

I have to tell you, my expectations were low. Very, very low.

I have a lot of hair, so even on a day when I don’t re-douse my hair with a bottle of water after I’ve washed it, it can take hours to dry completely. Seems like this took all day.

Of course, part of that is that when your hair is gross and sticky, it never quite feels dry. And I passed from completely drenched to damp to gross and sticky without ever reaching dry.

This is a horrible photo, I know, but it demonstrates “gross and sticky” pretty well.

Keep in mind that I’d washed my hair with fucking shampoo and everything hours previously.

But was it straight?

I know you’re all just dying of anticipation…

No.

To the untrained eye, I realize that looks fairly straight. It’s at least on the continuum between straight and curly. But my hair is not naturally curly. In fact, it’s pretty much naturally this-y, minus the gross and sticky.

See? Gross. Sticky. I know someone’s going to make this joke in the comments anyway, so I may as well say it: Imagine pouring an entire bottle of jizz on your head and then letting it dry. Why would you do that?

On the plus side, you could maybe store things in your hair with this technique. You know. Combs. Lipstick. Snacks. Small children.

In conclusion, don’t do this guys. Don’t. It gained me nothing but heartache and strife, and the pain of having to wash my hair twice in as many days.