Cheddar Bay Biscuits

5 Posted by - June 29, 2013 - Food & Drink

Mostly I am willing to write Red Lobster off as mediocre seafood, but I do love their ginormous pina coladas, and also their cheddar bay biscuits. I could make a meal just out of those. An unhealthy meal, for sure, but a meal.

So imagine my glee when I discovered a copy-cat recipe on Pinterest… but not just any copy-cat recipe, no. This is the Reddit version of cheddar bay biscuits: CHEDDAR FUCKIN BAY BISCUITS, illustrated.

Image via Reddit

Image via Reddit

I mean, really, even if this pin were to fail, there are so many glorious things about it that I couldn’t not try it.

And, bonus, I had all this stuff on hand… well, mostly. We’re subbing in a 4-cheese blend for cheddar. Yeah, I’m subbing for the title ingredient. Sigh. But this is something you all can challenge in the Pintester Movement v. 2.0 if you want to. Plug plug.

biscuit ingredients

For those of you who don’t live in the United States and therefore don’t have access to the glory of Bisquick… well, I’m sorry. It’s a wondrous thing and has been saving fuck-ups like me from making inedible biscuits for decades. Here’s the biscuit dough all mixed up, using only three ingredients. My kind of baking.

biscuit dough

Then I just popped it in the oven for 12 minutes.

ready to bake

And after 12 minutes I took them out and grew doubtful about them because they looked sort of light-colored and saddish.

baked biscuits

The butter topping, which I mixed while these were in the oven, helped significantly. Probably because it’s half a stick of butter for just these biscuits…

butter topping

And here’s my biggest tip if you really do want Red Lobster to suck your dick: Do not be sparing with the butter brush. There will be enough, I promise, and the amount of butter goop is directly proportional to how good these taste.

I personally think they need more cheese, but hey, that could be because (1) I used the wrong kind of cheese, or (2) I had to look up the measurement in cups of 4 oz. of cheese. The Internet tells me it equals to 1/2 cup, but that I must be a dumb American for having to ask at all. Guilty as charged, Internet.

Anyway, these are good. Red Lobster is currently metaphorically sucking my metaphorical dick.

cheddarbaybiscuits

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  • http://www.etsy.com/shop/kittnen kittnen

    Ohhhh my gawd, those look amazing. I never buy Bisquick, but I may make this one exception.

    • Katy

      You can do the same thing with any ordinary drop biscuit recipe. It just means measuring more than once. I mean, doesn’t everyone measure shredded cheese just by the handful?

  • Cristina

    FWIW 1/2 c of liquid = 4 oz, however 4 oz of shredded cheese, by volume, = 1 c of cheese.

  • Jennifer Bickford

    Cheddar Bay biscuits and chocolate chip cookies? That shit is magic! I need to get me some Bisquick.

  • lilliandougherty88

    Making bisquick is pretty easy. It’s just flour, shortening, and a little baking powder, salt and sugar.

  • Melis

    that’s one of the reasons why I have a kitchen scale: the liquid measurements don’t always equal the volume measurements. Plus, these really are the bomb if you make them with a good sharp cheddar (but I will use whatever’s in the fridge as well. Colby jack’s pretty good too. but let’s face it. CHEESE IS GOOD FOOD).

    • DigitalChick

      Cheese is love.

  • Cara

    I’ve made these before from this recipe and they are RIDICULOUSLY delicious. Sharp cheddar is a must for that really cheesy taste, and as you pointed out massive amounts of butter make everything better.

    I’ve found one trick to making them easier to handle (they do get a little sticky) is to refrigerate them for a half hour before baking. It makes them a little easier to scoop.

    Cara
    http://knockoffcrafts.wordpress.com/

  • Trish

    Yeah you short-changed yourself on cheese (which should probably be against the law…) An 8 oz bag of shredded cheese is 2 cups, therefore 4 oz is 1 cup. Doesn’t butter make everything better? And I mean EVERYTHING *eyebrow waggle* (I don’t really know what that means)

  • Jodee Rose

    I am seriously fucking hungry so I am getting up right now to make some of these, because I need the love and comfort of cheese and butter.

  • Arina Levinschi

    Is there a way to make Bisquick from scratch? People make real dough in my country, never heard of this stuff.

    • Anna Mae
      • Arina Levinschi

        Awesome, thanks! Now I have to figure out what to use instead of shortening (never figured out what it is exactly)…

        • Amber Walker

          Shortening is simply a shelf-stable (non-refrigerated) fat. Typically you would use it where you use lard (which is pork fat). You could even use butter, I’m sure.

    • Barter Julie

      Ingredients:
      6 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
      3 tablespoons baking powder
      1 tablespoon salt
      1/2 cup cold unsalted butter
      Instructions:
      Measure the sifted flour, baking powder and salt into a large bowl. Use a wire whisk to blend thoroughly. Cut in cold butter using a pastry cutter until thoroughly incorporated. Store refrigerated in an airtight container for up to 4 months.

  • KatieMac

    I always “eyeball” the cheese….and add a lot! Baked them a little longer to get them browner…..then brush with the butter and stick them back in the oven….until the buttery yummyness starts to bubble!! =D

  • Heather

    I think the sad part of this whole copy-cat recipe is that Bisquick already makes and sells a ‘cheddar and garlic’ mix that you can use! Just add water, and bake! I think? Regardless, I have bought it, and used it, and it tastes like Red Lobster Cheddar Fucking Bay Biscuits!

  • Jes

    We all know that they actually sell a mix for these at the grocery store right? And they are amazing!!

  • astarke

    I am making these tomorrow… thank you pintester!!! :)

  • Kimberliah

    “Suck my dick” is now going to become one of your top search results… Lol. Don’t feel too bad… My TSR has been “dolphin rape caves” for like a whole year now…. Hahaha

    • ChickieD

      I used to moonlight as a web designer. One of the sites I worked on was a yoga website for a pretty well known teacher. Guess what one of his top rating links was? Yes, the page of the sex advice website where the dude asked about how to suck his own dick. Answer: Yoga – and a link to this teacher’s site. Suddenly uptick in guys attending yoga classes, I am sure.

  • Sandi Boyd

    I would just like to point out, to all the doubters out there, that this post proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Sonja has NOT changed who she is! There is most assuredly no censoring going on here…all you nay-sayers of the new tagline can suck my…well, never mind, I don’t have one; but you get the idea!

    • Catherine

      That’s exactly what I was thinking Sandi. All those people bitching over a tagline change and one censored post getting their vaginas in a twist over nothing.

  • Anna

    I made those in cooking class at school, basically the same exact recipe. They were yummy, pretty close to the Red Lobster ones! :)

  • Heather

    I wonder if they would taste as yummy with the gluten free bisquick…more than likely no because healthy stuff usually sucks.

  • Megan

    I’d imagine you can’t go wrong if you’re drowning the biscuits in butter. I worked at a Red Lob and can attest to that as a correct part of the process. My one suggestion if anyone has less then desirable results would be to use ice cold water. At the restaurant, we had a dedicated ice water pitcher just for biscuits. I suspect it’s crucial to the fluffy texture, as Bisquick biscuits tend to get a little stiff and crusty. (Someone else can make the gross penis joke, I’m lazy.)

    • Megan

      Oh, and I forgot that I meant to point out that this is almost exactly how they’re made at Red Lob. Don’t imagine that there’s someone lovingly and carefully measuring out dry and liquid ingredients. The process is: open giant bag of baking mix (that is probably nearly identical to Bisquick), dump in bowl, mix in ice water and cheese, bake, smear with disconcerting faux-butter substance. The butter stuff comes pre-mixed with the garlic and seasonings and is liquid at room temperature. It’s… disheartening. Now you are all confronted with the harsh realities we choose to ignore! :)

  • kt

    uptokes for trying an r/trees recipe!

  • janessadawn

    There’s also a pre-made “cheese garlic biscuit mix” from Bisquick where all you do is ADD WATER. Now that’s my kind of baking.

  • SM

    I make these all the time, but with a few tweaks… I use 2 and 1/2 cups of Bisquick and 3/4 cup of milk, and then eyeball the cheese and add some garlic powder to the dough. It makes fewer biscuits, normally 12, but they come out huge and fluffy. And I just mix together melted butter, dried parsley, and more garlic powder for the glaze. They are always delicious and pretty much impossible to fuck up. :)

    • SM

      Oh, also, put butter in the dough! I mix in about half a stick, roughly chopped up into small chunks, so that each biscuit gets a few pockets of melty, buttery goodness.

  • maurie627

    I was also going to say use the pre-made bisquick cheddar biscuit mix, and then add the buttery goodness mix on top. You can’t go wrong with just adding water and the mix is only about a 1.50 for a bag. Less work, and you get to still avoid Red Lobster.

  • Heather Thompson Zimmerman

    Well well well….I think I am about to become the fattest chick in Indy with this flippin recipe! Who do I blame? (Because isn’t that what we Americans do?) You, Red Lobster, or that Reddit poster? HAA!!! Thanks for doing this, for cereal!

  • Emily

    I bartended at Red Lobster through college, if you want to copy the pina colada to go with it, they use island oasis mix http://www.islandoasis.com YUM! Just add rum and ice to your blender

  • Mandy

    I live in Canada. We have Bisquick.

  • Jesica

    Bisquick has a recipe for these as well on the box or website. Throw in garlic and extra cheese into the mix and Red Lobster can suck it.

  • [email protected]

    Sam’s Club sells a Red Lobster biscuit mix :)