So, you guys already know that I made a big can of dulce de leche, and then I opened that can of dulce de leche, and it looked, you know, sort of decent, considering this is me we’re talking about here.
And then I was faced with the problem of what to do with that dulce de leche. That problem dovetailed nicely into the unrelated (I thought) problem of a fruit fly in my kitchen going after a pile of brown bananas. Enter the banana pie.
Image from BrooklynLimestone.com
As an added bonus, it’s Pie Week on NPR, which is the radio station that fades into my unconsciousness in the morning until I hear some story about Greek economics or our healthcare system and wake up enough to turn that shit off. (7 a.m. is too early to be pissed off about the state of the world. If it’s Car Talk, I leave it on.)
I skipped all that homemade crust and frosting crap, though. Why make when you can buy?
Also, I’m pretty sure this is healthy, because there’s fruit in it and I used Lite Cool Whip…
Byebye, brown bananas.
Everybody in the pool… the brown, disgusting pool.
Then I topped it with Cool Whip and the few chocolate chips left in the bag after I got hungry the other night while watching Ally McBeal and ate most of the bag myself.
Looks good, right? Yeah, I thought it looked good enough to bring over to someone else’s house, where there was a pool party going on with some friends and family.
My first indication that this was not a good plan was the layer of viscous vomit-like substance in the bottom of the pan once the first slice had been dished. I sorta shoved the pan behind something to hide it and made people eat the slices anyway.
The general consensus was “meh.” It was really banana-y, and it probably didn’t help that I’m pretty sure the dulce de leche was burned. Also, I had earlier that day transported it in a car, with a stop at the grocery store on the way, and it was like 115 degrees, I shit you not. So it was a little melty when it arrived.
I thought the whole thing had fizzled out rather nicely with no one the wiser about the vomit pie substance. But when I got home, I had an email in my inbox with a picture of the vomit pie from one of the taste-testers, and the subject line was simply, “It turned to vomit.” (Honestly, I was a little scared to open it, and was relieved when the picture was really of the pie.)
Oops. Guess I should have remembered to take the pie out of its hiding place and put it back in the refrigerator, huh?
45 Comments
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Thanks for the early morning smile. I’ve seen that brown gooey substance on the bottom of a few of my pies, too.
Thanks for making me feel normal even though I am not a Martha Stewart and Paula Deen rolled into one (well, that would just be plain scary!) Your blog is awesome. Keep pinning!
I love car talk! And anything with whipped cream & chocolate chips can’t be all bad.
in theory this should have been yummy..definitely a good pms or stoner pig-out! — but that pic reminds me of one night, many, many years ago..I went out and left the spousal unit alone with a chocolate cream pie and a bottle of scotch…when I got back I found him passed out with his face in the pie pan…which by that point was half full of a substance that looked much like what you have there! — did I mention I ♥ this blog?!
in theory this should be yummy..like a great pms or stoner pig-out! …but that pic reminds me of a night many, many years ago..I went out and left the spousal unit home alone with a chocolate cream pie and a bottle of scotch…when I got back I found him passed out with his face in the pie pan..which by then was half full of a substance which looked much like what you have there! hahaha — did I mention I ♥ this blog?!
hahahaha… you’re Murphy’s Law when it comes to baking.. but fun to read!
I love reading your blog. Reading this blog has made me feel brave enough to try one of those swirly nail art things in a patriotic color scheme. I’m a little scurd but I’m gonna give it a go.
Just found your blog – you are saving me so much time – thank you.
So, now that you are super famous and shit, you probably don’t remember who I am, but I’m commenting anyway. You are a brave, brave woman to take that pie to a pool party. Just sayin’.
Brave or stupid. 😉
Hah, looks a bit gross lol. I learned not to make Pinterest pies when I made one with a lot of dairy in it for lactose intolerant family members. Im just gonna stick to cookies and cakes!
Ewwww! Great pic for the gross-out factor.
Dairy + Heat = Chunky Vomit… I shit you not!
That’s fantastic. *gag*
I just found your blog. I love it. Sometimes I really wonder about how feasible the stuff is on pinterest or how safe it is. Some of my favorites include spray painted cupcake stands…. (pretty sure spray paint and food don’t mix together), as well as now ghetto rigging AAA batteries if you run out of AA. While it may work, lets say the battery explodes or corodes in the product, pretty sure you just voided any warrant you may have had..
Oh dear, that looks pretty sexy and all…but…no. I love your blog, btw!
I have never really understood blogs before and generally thought they were for self-obsessed people who just thought they were king/queen of the world. However, I’ve seen your videos on youtube and keep seeing you pop up on pinterest so I finally gave in and read your blogs. I totally understand now! So funny and honestly, really helpful so I know what to stay away from when doing stuff from Pinterest or wherever. You make me want to drink wine and film myself baking shit. Thank you so much!
@StephanieCarreira Thanks very much!… But I’m not on YouTube that I know of, at least testing stuff. 😉 Is there a Pintester on YouTube? Would love to see it if you have a link!
@Pintester She’s talking about Drunk Kitchen with a girl named Hannah. You sort of have a similar look….but equally hilarious.
Aha! Thanks! I shall check her out.
@Pintester Look up My Drunk Kitchen. Hannah Hart is one of the best things on Youtube right now.
I don’t know…it kind of seems like it might be good. I love bananas so that would help.
Just stumbled upon your blog. You git some funny shit up there, loving it. Definitely subscribing!!
My hat comes off to you for taking the pie to the pool party! I read this post and laughed my ass off! Thanks for the chuckles! 🙂
i get the feeling you can’t cook or these pin ideas are really awful
Oh my god I’m literally pissing myself! You do realise you are spiritually an Australian don’t you? Hilarious!
I wish I had discovered your blog before I attempted to make my own banana puke pie. First I did the exploding on the stove routine (I was not aware it could explode thanks to my pregnancy brain ignoring the fine print), then I substituted graham crackers with Vanilla wafers, and my whip cream I made homemade probably was expired. Then when I went toopen the dulce de leche can it appeared to have skipped the whole “turn to delicious looking caramel” stage and went straight to spoiled canned milk. I ended up throwing together a makeshift caramel recipe that really made my disaster taste horrible.And two hours later I found your blog….
BTW, this is also known as Banoffi Pie. My husband loves it but it’s way to rich for everyone else who has tried it.
I also know it as banoffee pie. I saw Claire Robinson make it on Food Network and have successfully made it three times. I keep it in the fridge though. I have never tried to take it anywhere.
I love this blog! Thank you for trying these things so we don’t have to 😉
This post made me spit all over my computer and cry tears of laughter. So funny… !!!!
This nearly made me pee myself!!!! I want to be your best friend…or at least watch you on reality TV. ROFLMFAO!!!!
Don’t you know what to do with dulce de leche? You mix it with vodka in a glass bottle until you have sort of sweet liqueur!!
Oh sweet merciful heaven. This is what I’m going to do tomorrow.
I’ve made this pie twice. The first time I only had about 3 hours to get it all done (which had to include the time to actually GO to walmart, wait in the1 check out lane for 15 minutes, stop and talk to my brother, and fight traffic to get back home). I poured the scalding hot caramel over the bananas and immediately put the cool whip on top, and walked outside (where here too was 115 degrees). I had melted whipped cream all over the place. Luckily, I was able to refridgerate my pie before actually serving it, and it was gone before it could turn to vomit. The second time went much smoother… and didn’t melt nearly as fast.
In conclusion this pie melts, and melts fast! I am so glad you test these out. I mean we aren’t all bakers, cooks, or crafty people. We don’t have all the professional tools to make things look as fabulously as possible in pictures, (even though we still try). It’s good to know what works or doesn’t based on basic appliances or lack thereof. You’re honest about it, and I’d probably do the same thing. (BTW- I never really bought into the 1 ingredient ice cream. And you just confirmed that for me.) 🙂
Everybody in the pool… the brown, disgusting pool. <————— HILARIOUS!!!!! Loving this blog
I’ve been making this pie since before pinterest was a thing. the biggest trick? keep everything cool and assemble on site so it’s eaten immediately. Also, buying the mini graham shells so eveyone gets their own is a great way of making sure it doesn’t get all oozy like one in a big pan did.
my family has been making this pie for YEARS! We never seem to have a “bad one”. They’re always delicious!!Sweetened condensed milk- we boil about 6 cans for 3 hours and they keep throughout the year for more pies. Bananas- we never use old, brown bananas and only cover with one or two layers, depending on how banana-y you want it.Pie Crust- we use the regular pie crusts that you bake in the ovenAny Cool Whip works but my mom likes to use the lite or fat free and it was turns out great. we basically do everything right away, boil caramel the night before and on pie day- bake the crust, let cool, fill with bananas, caramel and cool whip and refrigerate immediately! These pies are ALWAYS a big hit with every party or fundraiser we take them to. i guess it’s just a science to get it right!
I’ve been reading your blog in chunks for a while now and now the whole office knows that I haven’t been working all afternoon. Pro tip: holding in a laugh is as bad as holding a sneeze, when it finally goes, it goes loud!! Love the blog, love the comment about eating most of a bag of choc. chips ^_^ Has anyone mentioned yet that you’re a lot like the Bridget Jones character? You have reasonably good intentions and then manage to fuck things up in spectacular fashion! Bring on the testing!
Oh God, you’re right! I’m like the chick lit novel of crafting!
I am beyond thrilled to have found your blog. I always felt so alone in my craft and baking failures. I follow the instructions, but everything turns out like yours (well, I must admit, at times mine might turn out a tad better than yours) a big vomity mess. Thank you.
OMG — just found your blog through Pinterest (duh!) and you are fucking hilarious! Just spit out Diet Coke all over my keyboard laughing at your vomit pie post! Can’t wait to read more!
I thought it looked more like diarrhea, but whatevs.
viscous vomit-like substance….had me laughing so hard!
I love how you can be so amazingly bad at everything- it actually takes skill and bravery to say”what the hell, what does it matter if I am not perfect?”. Not many people can laugh at themselves, it is a good trait. 🙂