Hey, I know! Let’s equate marriage to something weird! The love between a mother and a son? No, too Oedipal. A journey down an unknown path? No, too hackneyed. I’ve got it! Let’s compare it to an innocent childhood ritual. YES! Pay me now, I’m done.
(The Pintester: Still completely unromantic since 1981.)
Thank you for the morning laugh!! This is great!!
OMG….that happened to me during our first year of marriage!!!!!
@Pintester you made my morning thank you
LOL. I’ve been married almost a year and if he EVER does that to me I will cut it off! (not really, but he will pay big time.) http://thissillygirlslife.com
Hahahahahaha! My husband thought it was hilarious that I didn’t know what he was joking about shortly after getting married…and proceeded to torture me mercilessly with dutch-ovens for months. Moron, he could have had more sex if he woulda cut it out!
haha this totally made my morning thank you, I guess i should be grateful that my husband doesn’t do that and probably doesn’t know what it is 🙂
Shit. I dutch oven myself. Everyone loves their own brand. Amirite? My husband rarely farts. I’m lucky.
My husband did that once. The next night when we went to bed I had a rabbit’s foot clutched between my toes. As soon as that fucker started to fall asleep I ran the rabbit foot up his leg. He screamed like a 9 year old girl and ran out of bed. I didn’t know he could move that fast. Needless to say, he hasn’t tried that shit again.
McpPatton Just blew coffee out of my nose.
McpPatton Oh my God that was so funny! I may have (probably did) pee a little (a lot).
McpPatton I just burst out laughing! I must.. try…… this.
Married almost 28 years, but that’s a really long story. When he has farted me out, I always come back with ‘Check out this bruise on the back of my leg’. He looks everytime, and yes, I fart. Might make 29.
Ha ha ha, my dad used to do that stuff all the time to his wife (stepmom). Perhaps that is why I insist on my own bed…
Dutch oven? That’s no friend. I think it’s also a highly defendable plea in court (not guilty by reason of dutch oven) and likely will get you off assault charges.
Truffles8761 AKA Covered Wagon
I live with my boyfriend…if we get married, does this mean my dad will come over and make us pancakes??
This is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh
That best friend will also reach over and grab one boob and think that’s foreplay.
That best friend will also reach over and grab one boob and think it’s foreplay.
sparklepants my husband to a t. and he doesnt understand when I just look at him like what are you doing?
have you seen this one? http://pinterest.com/pin/186547609536498228/i threw up.
ErinHanlon Maybe they are determining who farted.
ErinHanlon Guess he’s the one that farted.
At least yours gives you a warning. I get no warning sounds until the noxious gas has hovered over to my side of the bed and nestled its way into my nostrils to hold on for dear life. Then, I hear my husbands faint chuckles as I dry heave and yell son of a bitch. This cloud takes up residence on my side of the bed for several minutes in an effort to choke me out of the room. I swear to god, something is currently dying in my husband’s intestines and its trying to send me stinky smoke signals to save it. You’re on your own buddy, I’m saving myself.
It’s the pink heart on a jaunty tilt at the end that makes me do an actual vom in my mouth. I’m EXCITED tonight b/c my husband of 11 long years is away and I get to spread out over the bed. Bliss. Best friend staying over my ass.PS. I am the farter in the relationship …. evil cackle here.
I think you meant Oedipus hehehe 🙂 But I could be wrong. I’m not as well read as you great pintester
StephanieEinaphets “Oedipal” is the adjectival form.
annoying_pedant StephanieEinaphets Good to know 😀
Pintester I was searching for another word for “dutch oven” cause I couldn’t think of what my friend called it and came across this website “Fart Facts” heheh Not kidding. They have a website devoted to facts about farting! http://www.heptune.com/farts.htmlHere’s a few synonyms for FART:colon calamities (contributed by PLIC2K)colon cologne (contributed by Tod G.)cooked cauliflower cocktail (contributed by ifartoften)cornhole tremor (contributed by Nukiks)crack rattler (contributed by Ernie C.)crepidus (Latin – contributed by Chris V.)crunchy frogcushion creeperscyanide substitute (contributed by ifartoften)davebrok (a stop-and-go kind of fart – contributed by Skeetkix)death poot (contributed by meg)deer grunt (contributed by BassMaster4684)deer snortdej (Danish – contributed by Casper)desert varnish (a wet fart)dirt road dust (contributed by ifartoften)doofu (Oromo of Ethiopia – contributed by Reed)doozer (contributed by Snoopidog)doozy (contributed by Hambone)double flutterblast (contributed by gallagher)
StephanieEinaphets My grandma found a newspaper article with a list of fart synonyms in it once when I was about 11 or so and I thought it was the HEIGHT of hilarity. 🙂 I still remember quite a few, although “barking spiders” has to be one of my favorites.
Pintester StephanieEinaphets Husband blames the dog, I blame the barking spiders
Pintester My Dad used to blame his anal emissions on “barking spiders”. My nephew recently informed me that my father has also added “squeaking cockroaches” to his vocabularial descriptions….
Great post! I laught a lot at your answer to to it. “Dutch Oven” is the most funny thing that you can do to your “best friend”
Oh, the farting. I’d complain about his, but I’m guilty too. And, for the record, I like the sleep over sentiment. Just wrote about it on my blog yesterday, before seeing your post. So here’s to shameless promotion and sentimentalization of marriage: http://www.weddedness.com/2012/10/permission-to-leave-your-socks-on.html
[…] Marriage […]
My husbands thought was, “it’s like having a sleepover with your best friend, and play Dr. whenever you want.” My first thought was, what kind of fucked up childhood friend did you have? Michael Jackson? Second, did you marry someone else while I was sleeping, cause as far as I know, the Dr hasn’t done a house call all week.
[…] then I made a fart-joke about marriage, because nothing is sacred here. There were so many amazing fart-stories in the comments of this […]