I usually decorate my porch for Halloween. The neighbors then tend to sort of glance at my house incredulously and then walk faster until they’re well away from my property line. Bunch of party-poopers. Some people just don’t appreciate the magic of fake spiderwebs and purple LED lights.
Anyway, I thought I’d add a new element to my porch decor this year:
Image from Spoonful
These ghosts are made out of tomato cages, white Christmas lights, and sheets, all of which I happened to have.
The tomato cages are from my failed tomato adventure from a few summers ago. (I planted four tomato plants and got three tomatoes… total.)
The Christmas lights actually lit up the whole way when I plugged them in (which I guarantee you they won’t do when it’s time to put them out for Christmas).
And I happen to have a bunch of extra white flat sheets because the fitted ones always rip and I can’t bring myself to throw away the perfectly-fine top sheet even though I don’t have a matching fitted sheet anymore.
Please ignore that my stairs are dirty. I did vacuum them last week but I have a dog, and lo, she is hairy.
I should have followed the directions and bent the bottom of the tomato cage into a softer shape (you’ll see why momentarily), but instead I just masking-taped that shit together and started stringing lights.
I must admit to thinking I might be able to kill two birds with one stone here because I’d seen a pin for a Christmas tree made out of a tomato cage and Christmas lights, too.
But to be honest, even I wouldn’t put this fugliness on my porch at Christmas. And I’m tacky.
I reasoned, though, that it would probably look better once I put the sheet on it.
Well… it looked less like a fugly Christmas tree…
And more like I was trying to make a historical diorama of a KKK rally. Jesus, I cannot put this on my porch. I didn’t even bother to put eyes and a mouth on it because there was no way.
My dog agreed with me. She gave me judgey-face.
(Complete with glowing moster-eyes to put a point on it. Ha, point. Get it? Get it?)
So, yeah, the scary, politically incorrect KKK tomato cage ghost was disassembled and will never see the spooky Halloween dark-of-night of my porch because it’s too fucking embarrassing.
46 Comments
Girl, you are just too funny! “a historical diorama of a KKK rally”. LOL
I have had the shittiest morning ever….thank you for posting something to get me laughing again! I can always count on this blog to make my day 😀
AngieLenzSutton Here’s hoping your day gets better!
One of the best things I have done to brighten my morning is to start following your posts!
It’s the grand wizard Charlie Brown!
Its the Grand Wizard Charlie Brown! Coming this Halloween to CBS.
Heheheh. The tomato cage KKK ghost does look pretty bad. I wouldn’t put it on my porch either. However, I have done the tomato cage Christmas tree thing. I wrapped 2 small and 1 large tomato cages in lights – but it really takes a TON of lights per cage to get the proper effect. Like 8 strands of lights per cage. (I lucked out by going to the Dollar Store and finding plain white lights). If you completely encase the cages in the lights, they don’t look bad during the day (green wires) and they look gorgeous at night.
Seriously, your blog needs to come with a warning message: “Do not read while at work or while drinking hot liquids!” Trying to suppress a major giggle fit and snorting hot coffee through my nose — Not the professional image of myself I like to pretend to put out there.
Well it was good for a hearty laugh. That’s got to be worth something…
Maybe attach some branches for arms, so it won’t look so KKK-ish?
LOL, well at least you tried…right? http://thissillygirlslife.com
Casper the not so friendly white-supremacist ghost definitely should remain behind closed doors. Or, at the very least, put a damn hat on him.
Hehehe, I really enjoyed this. looks just like what most of my friends would do. :DThis one will work though. You either bend the the top of the tomato cage down so it is rounded or flip it altogether and put the pointy end in the ground. then take a wire hanger unbend it and run it through the middle sections for the arms. as per the eyes I’d go with black foam cut outs and safety pins because I am not going to tell you to ruin a sheet.
Ever since I read this this morning I’ve had the ramones song the KKK took my baby away in my head. Perhaps your ghost has a theme song now lol
I should put the KKK inspired ghost on my porch because maybe that will stop the religious fanatics from knocking on my door on Halloween. They come, they tell me I’m supporting the devil and I am going to burn in hell. All because I’m handing out candy. I’ll take any thing I can get to get rid of the crazies.
Smart Ass Sara Then I will meet you in hell with a bag of candy and a plate of cookies.
LadyRita Smart Ass Sara I wanna go if you have candy and cookies!
StephanieEinaphets LadyRita Smart Ass Sara I told LadyRita that I will bring cupcakes that while they might not look amazing, they will taste divine. We should have mardi gras beads as well. PARTY!
LadyRita Smart Ass Sara I can also bring some kick ass cupcakes. The might look like crap, but they’ll taste good. PARTY.
I’ve put some real crap on my porch but I would not put that thing out. I’m thinking of a “Pinhead” pumpkin but I’m pretty sure I’m gonna make a dog’s dinner out of that. Just in case, I’m gonna have some booze handy and sit out on my front stoop drinking and tell everyone I’m a wino for Halloween.
I put my halloween decorations up oct. 1 around 11 am…yesterday morning I arrived home from work and my neighbors put up their halloween decorations…the exact. same. ones. as me. FFS, douches. So of course I went out and bought severed limbs and tombstones and bones and more lights and tomorrow im going to get strobe lights and pumpkins for my jackolanterns…copy my decorations, we’ll see bout that! =]
StellaLuceat to put them on pinterest click add, then upload pin then its just like uploading a photo anywhere else. Add is at the top of the screen
StellaLuceat to put them on pinterest click add, then upload pin then its just like uploading a photo anywhere else. Add is at the top of the screen
LOL great post! Can’t wait to get my Halloween decorations out.
maybe if you had painted a smiley face it could be a happy KKK man, which if you think about it, is kind of creepy and halloweeny
Oddly, I didn’t get the KKK feeling from it. It reminded me of Jr. High. When the boys walked around with embarassing pointed bulges in their pants they desperately wanted to hide…. The Haunted Erection. DUN DUN DUN>…
ARMS! They need arms. And maybe a round Oooooo mouth. And candy corn hair.. no scratch that.
I came back on to read the comments, and LOVED the advertisement “CELEBRATE VEGETARIANISM MONTH” hehehehehehehehe Nice banner to see on Pitester 🙂
Too funny!!
Check it out- these totally match your ghost… LOL
http://pinterest.com/pin/208713763952357008/
some people pay good money for a klansman ghost to adorn their front yard
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=623048175103&set=a.612240703363.2062608.80201019&type=1&theater
Lol – this made me laugh 🙂
I’m sorry but I got stuck at the part where you rip all the bottom sheets. WTF are you doing?
mommad Having more fun than you, sounds like. 😉
“And more like I was trying to make a historical diorama of a KKK rally. Jesus, I cannot put this on my porch.” Can’t.Stop.Laughing.
Can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. This is how I speak and write; thank you for this joy!
I am at work, silently laughing so hard I almost choked. Thanks!
Stop being so fucking funny.
@crystalgpink Thanks for the share!
@ThePintester I was laughing so hard I was crying while reading this. In my office at work! LOL
We did these ghosts also. When we went to get our tomato cages from the back yard, we discovered they were three legged and thought, “what the hell now!?” But with a bit of improvising, we bent two legs out for arms, bent the third over for a rounded head, and found a wire coat hanger that we straightened then added to make the head a bit more rounded and full. Embroidered ghost faces on our sheets we picked up at goodwill, and there we had it. Two fun ghosts. We did our lights so they blink, and it’s super fun looking. http://pinterest.com/pin/44754590018553673/
On a side note, I saw someone else in my grandma’s neighborhood, had tried to do them, and they failed big time. They just stuck the cages in the ground round side up, and threw lights and a sheet on.
I actually tried the chicken wire ghosts. I got a similar result. lol
I had the Christmas tree version, mostly because my give a damn was busted at Halloween. If your garden is as overgrown as mine is, you never see the tomato cages in the daytime.
imlaughing so hArd Im CRYING…:D
Your supposed to wrap the top with yarn to make a circle, or just buy a foam ball and stick it on so that the ghost head is round.
A tip.. get a foam ball from a craft store and shove it into the bars. also trim the sheet way way way shorter. Place the eyes a little lower and it will look great.! https://www.pinterest.com/pin/70087337928953887/ check out mine