This pin test was originally posted on CraftFail.
I have to start this whole thing out by admitting I’m not really into gummy bears, and, honestly, I’m not really into healthy stuff, either. But these are healthy gummy bears, and I’m going to try them because I am a glutton for punishment.
The picture is a little misleading because the banana gummy bears are the gross-looking yellow ones… And, yeah, they look gross, but when has that ever stopped me before? Pretty much never, dudes. Pretty much never.
Also, the ingredients are banana, lemon juice, gelatin, and sugar substitute, and I usually have that stuff around. (After all, you can’t make a Tom Collins without lemon juice.)
Here’s the banana sitting in the lemon juice.
I elected to moosh it together in the pan I planned to cook it in because I am lazy and don’t like to wash extra dishes. Also, I used a whisk to moosh it. Same reason. Once mooshed, it looks like this:
Then you heat up the banana mooshture for a while. I am unclear on why you do this step, but you do.
Then you put it in your blender and try not to make the whole thing explode because there is heat and steam and you don’t ever blend hot things because you are scared of blending hot things and you are going on Amazon right-freaking-now to buy that stupid immersion blender and you mean it this time.
Then you let it cool, add the gelatin and sugar substitute, and blend again. This, of course, renders your gummy bears inedible to vegetarians. Sucks to be you, vegetarians.
Next you pour your tiny mixture of banana gummy into a thing where it can form into gelatinousy goodness. When your housemate opens the fridge and screams, you must promise that you are not refrigerating vomit. Or not, if you’re sort of tired of your roommate anyways.
It still looks like vomit, but it’s fairly solid now.
There was some amount of cajoling required to get this out of the plastic container. My method involved running hot water over the bottom and then twisting the container until I could pry the banana brick out with my fingers.
Here’s where you probably need a tiny, cute, bear-shaped cookie cutter. And here’s where you get excited if you’ve ever read one of my posts before, because you know what’s coming. (Heh, coming.)
Jiggly, jiggly penises that are just the right size and actually taste good when you put them in your mouth.
No, but seriously, these don’t taste that bad. The lemon is a little more powerful than the banana, but it’s not unpleasant. And just the fact that I have a container full of tiny, jiggly penises in my refrigerator makes me gleeful, so it would have almost been a win even if they tasted like actual penis.
(The one in front only has one testicle because I ran out of room on the banana block. But it’s ok. Junk comes in all shapes and sizes and I do not discriminate… Wait, that makes me sound easy. I do discriminate, but not based on the number of balls you have… er… uh… oh, nevermind.)
This has little to do with the post but I have always wondered why you sometimes test things on CraftFail before your blog. Any reason or just cause?
I’m a guest poster at CraftFail, and the editor lets me post them on my blog after they’ve been up at CraftFail for a couple weeks. 🙂
It all makes sense now 🙂
Which kinda sucks I just came to check if there was a new post and was like ‘yay!!!!’ And then super bummed because I already saw this on craftfail. DAMMIT *throws chair*
Heh, heh, heh, she said nailed it.
That final picture will be stuck in my brain for hours…
I saw this pin a few months ago and wanted to try it until I realized how much work went into it and how quickly I would DECIMATE the little pile of painstakingly created gummi bears. They’d never see it coming. Good on you for trying it though. Enjoy your tiny banana flavored phalluses (phallusi?)!
The fact that they’re banana flavored AND penis shaped is just freaking awesome! I may have to make these for a bachelorette party.
Too bad I fuckin’ hate bananas.
you can make them out of other fruits, too…..
i love that you put the single-balled penis up and front in your pic. awesome.
Healthy Penises? Yes! Healthy Gummy Penises? Uh, nope.
How many penises can you fit into your mouth at once?
next game to be played on girl’s night out!’
I actually found some vegetarian “gelatin” at Whole Foods. I use it to make jello shots, or vello shots, as I call them. Not bad. They come in a few flavors too.
What is the name of it? I have been wondering if such a thing exists.
The box logo says Natural Desserts on it and the picture is like an apple with ice cream inside it? Ha Then it just says the flavor and Jel Dessert. There’s also other brands you can buy online. Probably more options at health stores if you live somewhere popular like LA. But I just live in Utah and this was at my local Whole Foods. You can also use Agar Agar powder/flakes in place of gelatin. They are made from a sea based plant, I think. It has no taste though. Hope that helps 🙂
Thank you so much for this!!
OMFG. You did it again. I was halfway through the post when you got to the cookie cutter bit and I was like, “Oh No She’s Not!” and then you did it and I was like, “She Did!” and it was freakin’ hilarious. Should have seen it coming.
“should have seen it coming” LOL
The one balled one in front just kind of looks like a side view.
LMAO, did you really just say that? ” penises that are just the right size and actually taste good when you put them in your mouth.”
Not exactly related, but this makes me think of a conversation my friends and I had last week. If you knew someone with a prosthetic testicle, and they offered to let you feel it, would you?
So much peen.
Edible junk. Love it.
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“Nailed it” hehehe 😀
I was in the process of telling my husband about this post with the intent of the punchline being the penises. Before I even got there he said “She made them penises didn’t she?” And he doesn’t even read the blog, but he’s apparently heard a lot about the penises. Well done!
You are a riot! Gummy penises sound like something that should be cured with penicillin!
I should know better than to read your blogs in a library for two very good reasons: penis (albeit fake ones) pictures and laughter. I don’t want to let you know what it feels like to have a librarian who is part vulture come over to stop my giggling only to see the picture of the (fabulously jiggly) penises. I’m probably not allowed in the library anymore…
i just read this…better late than never…..but i, too, was in a library. i let out a single **HA**. it was explosively loud and i definitely got the over-the-reading-glasses-death-glare from the librarian. at least she didn’t come over to see why i was laughing……..
haha. I just found your blog and this is the first post I read (attracted by the pink and yellow bears I think) and it was great. Very funny ^_~
lol! Where did you find that cutout?? I’ve been looking for one for my friend’s bachelorette party but they seem all too big. Hey yo!
It was sent to her! 😀
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