I made a bracelet out of nuts. Hurrhurr.
Image from Rent the Runway On Campus
I thought this one would be really easy because every dude has extra nuts just laying around, right? But I asked my husband, and he disappeared into the abyss of the garage and returned with seven nuts. Total. In the whole pile of miscellaneous stuff in the garage.
So I had to procure my own nuts. (Why am I even married, jeez.)
The title of this image is “nut sack,” because I am an SEO whiz.
So the creation process is pretty simple for this. You braid some yarn, and then you start braiding in your nuts. Or the ones you procured from your husband. Or the nut store. Whichever.
If you have trouble holding everything because you only have two hands, employ the use of other digits.
This one is called “toe braid.” Welcome to my blog, toe hair fettishists.
Now, seemingly, braiding nuts into a bracelet shouldn’t be that difficult, and it started off well enough.
But then I lost my grip and the nuts went nuts.
By a process of trial and error, I figured out that you have to treat the nuts very gently. Do not yank or pull. Just let them rest gently on your leg. Or wherever.
It took a while, but I eventually created this:
I almost gave up here because it looks like a Borg spine and I am not wearing that shit as jewelry, but when you get this far with your nuts, you might as well finish, I guess.
The other reason I’ll probably never wear this? Well, see for yourself:
This bracelet has nuts and dangly bits, and I see no reason to have both.
And it still looks like a Borg spine.
On the plus side, if you stole the hardware from your husband, you could just put the bracelet in your bag and then legit claim that you carry your husband’s nuts in your purse.
Would you like to own this beautiful piece of craft? Oh, you can. Sign up for the weekly newsletter and you can enter the monthly drawing for a chance to win!
27 Comments
I learned a long time ago that you need to be gentle with nuts. However, I have never handled them with my feet.
Your nuts look a lot larger than their nuts. Maybe size matters?
(giggling like a 14 year old over here)
I agree.. No reason to have nuts and dangly bits! Your blog always cracks me up!!
I have always enjoyed going to the nut store.
The purse line might be reason enough.
It does look a wee bit heavy to wear on your wrist. I’ve been thinking about trying this with a smaller (gold) nut I found at the dollar store and some pretty colored hemp I got on clearance. Maybe using slightly daintier sized string and nut would make it a bit more wearable.
Love the action shots, by the way. Don’t know how you managed that while trying to braid.
Cara
http://www.knockoffcrafts.wordpress.com
that turned out great!!
I kind of like the idea of having my husbands nuts on a string…
I’m allergic to nuts, which I tell people is the reason I married my husband.
[…] My friend the Pintester likes to test out Pinterest pins and blog about them. Today she posted a crafty article on making a bracelet out of nuts and rope. Check out her hilarious post here. […]
Oh, man…nut jokes AND a TNG reference?? You are so totally my girl crush! And yes, you should always treat your nuts gently!
I just want everybody to know that I was upset by the comments section of a totally unrelated site and I was like, “Man, I need to cheer up and see some nice, friendly, funny comments.” So I came here. A wonderful, hilarious post about nuts and then the nicest comments sections on the internet. You all deserve an award, especially Pintester. <3
I nèver wanted to make this until you said it looks like a Borg spine. Now I HAVE to make one because, ya know, resistance is futile.
I’d like to try this, but I don’t have metal nuts, so maybe peanuts would do… peanut butter maybe?
Should have used brass nuts. Then you would have made Jordi’s glasses instead of Borg spine. With this being Dragon Con weekend there is NO EXCUSE for not handling your nuts to show your alliance with the Federation. Fuck that! Resistance is NOT futile, so go grab some nuts and get busy! (By the way, when we did these in ELEMENTARY school, we skipped the hairy toe jam version and went straight to using a CLIPBOARD. Duh!)
nuts, schmuts-didn’t anyone else notice that the toenail polish matches the pants? Well done!! Of course, you could make this an ankle bracelet.
AND… you can wack people in the head with it, when they get out of line!!!
I do the holding stuff with my toes while I braid thing, too. You’re not alone! Right on, toe sista! I send you a high five, only with my foot.
And now I’m totally gonna have to ask my husband to find me nuts, because I want to carry them around with me.
I died with the borg spine bit
This is hilarious. I love it. Suggestion for the ends though: you don’t have to do the messy knot with dangly things. Just braid the rest of the cord/string/yarn/whatever, make sure it’s kind of long, make a half-hitch (you know, the start of a square knot) and keep wrapping the long end over the knot start you made. After 5 or so turns, or when you run out of string, pull the bracelet part tight, pinching on the the big knot you’ve just made. put some glue on the end to keep it from coming apart (E6000 is my glue of choice). Then make a loop on the other end, and tie it in a regular knot (or if you’re REALLY good, braid the ends into your other braid). Now you have a handy dandy button and hole to use as a closure!
BTW, metal or rubber washers make great spacers for beads, and are a helluva lot cheaper than craft store items. Want to go explore Public Hardware someday together?
I misread that as Pubic Hardware. Given the theme of this post, it was actually a funnier brain-o that usual.
OMG! Nuts AND ‘dangly bits”! Not a good combo! Trust me on this!
my son loves star trek voyager because of 7 so to hear you call this a Borg spine just made my day and I had to share with him which of course led to him demanding we make our own I guess we are off to the garage now
And now I have to go buy the supplies to make myself and the Taller Half matching Borg spine jewelry. Unless I win your Borg spine. In which case, MINE!!!
Speechless but LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!
Isn’t that a song? “I’ve got his nuts on a string…”
Yep, I know that one. “I’ve got his nuts on a string / sittin’ on a rainbow / got the nut string ’round my finger…”
[…] There is still time to enter this week’s newsletter drawing for the nut bracelet! Check out the instructions at the end of the newsletter, and if you’re not already […]