I felt I should address those of you who are wondering if I am dead or something.
Nope. Still here … despite my penchant for lighting things on fire.
A friend of mine suggested, “You should post a meme of your head on a skeleton and tell everyone that due to unforeseen circumstances, most likely setting things on fire, you have taken a short break until things improve.”
This is the best I can do.
Guys, things have been wild and crazy around here. But you don’t really want to hear excuses, I know… except maybe the one about my dog having her toe chopped off, because that’s a good one. But the other ones are sort of squishy and whiny, and I feel honor-bound to uphold our content standards of farts and penis jokes, so I won’t write about that shit here.
I don’t blame you for thinking I have legit disappeared, and this is how it would go down if I actually did disappear. I would just stop posting one day. None of that crap where a blogger dramatically throws a giant “I quit” tantrum as a last PR stunt and a way to squeeze a little more traffic out of her waning pageviews. No, someday I will just dissipate like a fart in the wind. (See, I can write about this, as long as I can squeeze in a fart joke. Or is it squeeze out a fart joke? Hurhur.)
Anyways, this is not that fart. Um. What I mean to say is that I have not quit, I shall return, and I’m working some things out. If you’re bored in the meantime, please follow me on my personal Twitter account. I say funny shit there from time to time and even drop an f-bomb occasionally, though this is my safehouse for fucks. (Wait, that sounded wrong.)
See you soon!
Hope everything is ok. And yes, we require the dog losing a toe story in detail.
The fuck? You’re gonna tease the dog story and then leave us wondering? Anyway glad to hear you haven’t turned into a fart in the wind, or a head on a skeleton, or a charred pile of ashes on your kitchen floor, or anything like that. Hope all’s well otherwise, or at least that it will be!
I have so missed your blog and videos! Hope everything is okay in your real life and that your dog is okay too!
I do kind of want to hear the excuses…
[…] the dog (who is still wearing a cone because of aforementioned chopped off toe) was really happy that I opened the curtain so she could bark her face off at the […]
She’s alive!!!!! Oh, crap. Send back the flowers. Cancel the lasagna. Return the black dress. Can we put the headstone on layaway?
Glad to hear that you are coming back