Arm Knitting

1 Posted by - April 5, 2013 - DIY & Crafts, Women's Apparel

Guys, I should really know better than this by now. I should. Mostly I realize that I am incapable of crafty things, like sewing or candy making or refinishing or hot gluing. But then I see a thing and I think I can do it because it doesn’t involve any special tools.

Image from SimplyMaggie.com

Image from SimplyMaggie.com

I can knit with my arm. It can’t possibly be as hard as knitting with, you know, needles.

I am a dumbass.

Turns out in arm knitting, your arms are the needles. So now instead of just figuring out how to knit, you also have to figure out how to use your arms while they have yarn tied in knots around them.

But I am getting ahead of myself, because the first deceptively simple step is to create a slipknot.

I don’t consider myself to be an especially stupid person. I made it through college with a fair-to-middling GPA. I can follow the rules of the road. I generally understand when it is socially acceptable for me to make a joke, or if it’s better to shut my damn mouth. Hell, I am even some kind of sailing-certified by the Naval ROTC program at UNC. (Fine, that one is probably just because I was terrible at everything and they felt sorry enough for me to give me a ribbon after my day of sort-of successfully tying knots on a sail boat, but mostly tipping said boat over in the lake.) All of that is to say that a slipknot shouldn’t give me that much trouble.

Shouldn’t. Did.

I had to look up an extra tutorial on slipknots, guys.

But eventually I got it.

IMG_0590

Next challenge? Learn how to “cast on.” I have no idea what the fuck that means, even after interminable minutes learning how to do it.

In my first few attempts, I’m pretty sure I was just making loops around my arm.

IMG_0591

And, yeah, you guessed it, I had to look up another tutorial on how to do that. The extra tutorial I found was with needles, not arms, but it translated well enough that I sort of managed to make something that looked kinda right-ish… 45 minutes later.

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And now it was time to actually knit something, because the whole slipknot and “casting on” thing was not actually knitting, no no.

In the interest of full disclosure, by the time I got this far, I was nearly hyperventilating with frustration, I badly needed a post-lunch nap, and I sort of had to poop. So I was not concentrating fully on my task.

Still, my fuck-upedness exceeded even my own expectations. I shortly managed to tie my wrists together so fully that it took me twenty minutes to get out.

So although the knitting thing failed, I may have a future as a super-villain.

(Also, I tried to get a good picture, but I was out of hands.)

IMG_0593

When I finally managed to unloop myself, all that was left was a pile of knotted yarn and a couple of yarn-burned wrists.

And then I gave up, because life is too short to figure some shit out, ya know?

knitting

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  • http://twitter.com/b_cavs Brit

    I think it would have been much easier for your with the correct gauge yarn :-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.stalcup Sarah LeeAnn Stalcup

    have i mentioned how much i love you? cuz i do. not in a creepy stalker way, but in a totally awesome i have to see if you’ve posted anything new pretty much every day kinda way… okay… that really wasn’t supposed to read creepy stalker… but it kinda did… sorry about that…

  • troublesometots

    Is that a picture of a woman wearing a hammock around her neck?

  • ChickieD

    Somehow with you I figured you’d end up being spread eagle tied to your bedposts and maybe some kind of penis thing would be involved somehow. Or was that 50 Shades of Grey I am thinking of?

    • http://pintester.com/ Pintester

      Reason #5,497 why I love the Pintestes: If I fail to make a penis joke, you guys do it in the comments for me. Multiple times, with varying hilarious punchlines.

      • http://www.facebook.com/tanjentor Jennifer M. Engh

        Hehe, your ‘testes gave you multiples.

        The internet: where immaturity pays off.

  • Meg

    Now I want to try it. :( With the completely incorrect gauge yarn. Damn you, you bring out the competitive edge in me. Wait…it’s gone away.

  • Gina

    This seems less “knitting” than “masterbatory bondage”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jessica.haman Jessica Haman

    *dead* I thought this looked simple enough to try – I can’t crochet. I can’t knit. I can’t do anything crafty. So glad I read this and saved money on yarn.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tanjentor Jennifer M. Engh

    What a great YARN to share with us! Hahahaha! I’ll see myself out…

  • Keri’n On

    All tied up and not a penis in sight!

  • DaisyDesigner

    And that’s why we have stores.

  • Julia

    HA HA…. I’ve seen this pin many times, and have been tempted more than once to try it. But my innate laziness has always kept me from actually getting yarn to try it. This is why I love to read your blog. Eventually you’ll try the pins that I’ve been too lazy to try myself. I figure your results are pretty close to what mine would be if I actually got off my ass and did the pin myself.

  • yup

    That’s just a bondage video disguised as knitting.

  • Emjay

    I don’t think thicker yarn would have helped. I’m a knitter and I even looked at this and thought ‘nope’

  • Elizabeth Dulacki

    I totally did this! And seriously, the hardest part was the slip knot. Then after messing up once, I finally figured it out and made an awesome scarf! I really do think it was key to use a chunky yarn and double it up like she does in the video. Also, I kept repeating the video to make sure I was doing it right.

  • http://www.facebook.com/katherine.horejsi.1 Katherine Horejsi

    See, the finished scarf looks like one of those ‘knit your own cleaning cloth’ things so I’m thinking you could have left the tangled mess on your arm and dusted the shelves. Victory from the jaws of defeat!

  • Kady

    There is this delusional part of me that thinks I could actually do this because in my radical hippy throwback days in the 1970’s, I used to do macrame pretty well. I’m a procrastinator though, so don’t be expecting in success stories any time soon. Then again, I smoked a lot of weed back in the 70’s, so maybe I just imagined all that macrame.

  • Jennmarie68

    I’ve not seen this one before. Thanks for trying :-) Being a knitter I figured that I might try and attempt it (mainly because my sister reads your blog – so I’m sure a request for this scarf will soon be on it’s way) But I think even knowing what casting on is I might be a little over my head with this one. We’ll see if the request comes.

    But I just had a thought – use two penises for needles…. you can make yourself a scarf to clean up all the jizz that working the yarn up and down the “needles” would create :-) I want you to make a video when you try that one!

  • http://www.facebook.com/crystalyzaguirre0712 Crystal Kelly Yzaguirre

    lol this is the best fail yet.

  • Alex Cooper

    I decided to try this, and somehow managed to get it right. However, I failed to consider that once I had a yard of knitting attached to my wrists it would be impossible to go to the toilet. Cue an uncomfortable half hour of trying to speed knit to finish the thing just so I could pee…
    Also, the finished thing looks suspiciously like a woollen fishing net.

    • Katykersh

      LMAO

  • http://twitter.com/KryomGAC K.R

    OMG….can’t breathe…..laughing too hard…..

  • http://www.facebook.com/Amandap730 Amanda Whitfield Perry

    I think if you become a super-villain, you should be Pinhead…double entendre intended! Oh wait…I think that one is taken…hmmm…

  • http://www.facebook.com/rebeccahosullivan Rebecca Henderson O’Sullivan

    I periodically decide to learn to knit and after about a week I give up and end up with a scarf that is only about 6 inches long. I would say you saved yourself some time by giving up early.

  • Catherine

    I tried the braided scarf that was going around last year. It was a mess. I couldn’t get any of the strands the same length. I gave up after starting twice.

    • gabzo

      I’d suggest loom knitting. I suck at knitting but with a loom it is so much easier.

  • PerpetualLimbo

    Its like Martha Stewart style self harm

  • jojo

    how do you do it??????????????

  • jessica

    ive been trying to knit and I cant come acossed a knitting place OMG!!!!:]

    • lololololololpop

      what the

  • http://www.facebook.com/haleymathiot Haley Mathiot

    lol wel you used the wrong yarn…. that has a lot to do with it. Still I’ve been knitting for like ten years, and I doubt I could do arm-knitting…

  • Amanda

    I literally laughed out loud when I got to the part where you tied your wrists together. Too funny. Thanks for the giggle this morning! It was needed! :)

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  • ashley.

    I did this, and it was really easy! The video and everything was really simple to follow. Im not sure why you couldnt figure it out, considering a 16 year old girl did.

    • jordan

      Because, as she has stated, she is not the crafty type. something like this may not come as easy to her as it might to you or I….Regardless, you shouldnt sound so rude and condescending when you comment on the blog of a person who is simply trying to help other people learn. By saying you are 16 i assume you think people will be impressed by your ‘abilities’, but really you just sound like a self righteous priss. you’re so young, and you dont know half of what you think you know, so until you gain some wisdom, which you obviously lack, why not take some time and learn a little thing called tact, politeness and how to give postive reinforcement…it might serve you well. good job on being able to knit on your arm, now you just have to work on being a little nicer. have a great day :)

      • Georgeypudding

        haha this! Now can someone help me escape from the wool…..

  • Sarah

    I learned to knit when I was 11, granted into me a year to learn and I can’t really make anything too special. I’m sure you’ll pick it up though! I have faith in you!

  • Jillian Ives

    I watched it 5 times before I got it. My blanket looks like a cargo net. I’m unco and did the stop pause approach. 1hr 1/2 to make. I’m remaking it to be more bunchy.

  • Kat

    I have been trying all day to figure out “Arm Knitting,” and I am in the same boat. After watching many a tutorial, my arm knitting looks like a very uneven and large holed fishing net. Nothing at all like Maggie’s. If anyone knows the secret to getting even sized holes and or smaller holes I’d be happy to listen.

  • Anna Martin

    I also consider myself to be smart, I mean if I can figure out calculus how hard can a knitting video be?… and yet I could not figure it out for the life of me! I wasted 2 hours on this! Somehow, I couldn’t find a single tutorial that catered to those who are NOT expert knitters. So frustrated that none of these videos bother to explain the basics….

  • Deb

    Your language skills aren’t much either! It really is possible to convey a message without sounding like a drunken sailor! I won’t be back here.

    • http://thatpandabitca.tumblr.com/ thatpandabitca

      We won’t miss ya. :)

  • katzpe

    There’s a way better video than Maggie’s on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=070qaUxEyp4). I had to keep going back to certain bits (mainly casting on), but eventually I got the hang of it.

  • http://thatpandabitca.tumblr.com/ thatpandabitca

    It took me forever to learn to knit with needles, I’m scared to knit with my arms.

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