It’s been kind of a shitty week for me (the kind where you sort of want to hide in a closet and suck your thumb) because of a number of not-very-good reasons, but you people have made me laugh about a gajillion times with your comments on the blog, Facebook, etc., and I feel like it’s a shame for me to keep all that funny to myself.
Also? Stop being so funny! That’s my schtick.
No, but for real, you guys are the best.
So, I decided to implement a weekly comment round-up on the blog so that if you didn’t get a chance to read every single comment, you can see some of the ones that made me snort indelicately.
(I’m working on some more “reader appreciation” thingies, but they are Top Secret right now, shhhh. And, of course, I am always open to suggestions, so leave them in the comments or on Facebook or Twitter or wherever. I read all that shit, mayn.)
So, here’s some stuff from this week that was awesome.
And I know that you all first would like to know who won the celery rose greeting card. You probably haven’t slept a wink since Friday. I swear to you, this was a super, super tough decision and I wish I could send one to all of you, I really do. BUT I only have one. Womp womp. So the card goes to…
persephone767 I’d frame it and hang it in my bathroom, so that when I’m having horrible cramps, or maybe just a particularly tough time pooping, I can look at it and be reminded of all the crazy shit you’ve done in the name of pin-science. And it will make my day better just like that *snaps fingers*
Guys, you know how it is. Poop jokes FTW! Persephone767, email me your address! The card is yours!
Here are some other particularly amaze-balls comments from that post:
RinGilmore You should send it to my friend Melissa, she is the person who introduced me to your site and now you have me in your circle of cool people. So you should send the card to her and thank her for bringing me into your life and than go on and on about how cool and clever I am. yes. I think that will be a lovely idea, I think you should do it and ummm tit-sling shit screw you chik fil- a-holes go women’s rights I love wrapped bodies and eating crafts too… Okay that last part was totally trying to play on your weaknesses.
Am I that transparent? Ok, fine.
jojomace I think you should send it to me BECAUSE I have been on one date with a really nice guy, going out with him again tomorrow, and he still has refrained from sending pictures of his junk. Trust me, this is RARE in a single guy these days. Enjoy it? Absolutely! Want to see pictures of it on my phone? Notsomuch. Previously, I was so inundated with weenie picks that I began to use the ‘Edit’ feature on my cell, which allows me to add features and also put them into interesting settings, like a winter wonderland. It’s disturbing the amount of joy I got from adding a Frosty-type top hat and a scarf…Anyway, it would be to celebrate the absence of said weenie pics!
Dear men: That is fucking disgusting. Stop it. Admittedly, I haven’t been on the dating scene since like 2001, but if anyone had ever done that to me (even though they would have had to send a photograph via carrier pigeon to do it because picture texting did not exist back then), I would never have called them again… on my land-line telephone. Oh shut up.
Simple Mama Pick me! I’m the original blogger from Homemade Serenity! I shared this post on my facebook page and I promise I’ll give your menses card a place of honor in my studio. Best laugh I’ve had all week!
Thank you so much! I get a special thrill when the original blogger makes her way over here and actually likes what I’ve written!
Now, moving on to the bra post, sometimes I get a little sigh-y when someone leaves a comment on my post explaining the right way to do whatever it is that I fucked up. But not in this case:
caito Pfffft fuck that noise, yo! I have the answer to your underwire problems. SUPER GLUE. Yep, just super glue. I’ve glued the underwire fabric holder thingie shut on two bras and it’s been perfect ever since. 🙂
First of all, you said “fuck that noise,” so somehow I immediately know that you are not judging me. Thank you for that. Second of all, BRILLIANT! Where is my super glue?
The man-pleasing chicken post generated many comments, but more on why I shouldn’t cook chicken to 180 degrees than why you shouldn’t name a thing “man-pleasing” anything unless it’s a condom (and even those are ribbed for her pleasure). But I digress. (That chicken was not done, people. I stand by my cooking method.)
Anyway, at least some of you had something constructive to say:
PiperAlexander Boners. You’re giving me boners.
I love that when someone gets their panties all in a twist about, say, making fun of a silly line from a poem, you all jump to my defense. The Pintestes are the best, yo. Also, you are hella smarter than me.
mackiecarp If that’s the case, then nobody should criticize anything ever. “Art” is a broad and overly-encompassing term, and to end any kind of humorous interpretations of it would mean the end of satire (i.e., no Candide, which I’m fairly certain 99% of the literati would hate you for). Sometimes, the humorous perspective yields more interesting results than the original piece. In the instance of this poem, I think the thing itself is actually fairly good as far as trite inspirational poetry goes, but I think that this post is a lot more enjoyable.
Also, you get me, you really, really get me.
Christine G the shore was obviously asking for it, just look at how it’s dressed…and anyway, those weren’t legitimate waves, so it’s cool…
In conclusion, you people are the bomb and I love you. Keep commenting because you make my day every day, and I’m not kidding about that.
Hellz to the yes, this is better than honey on my leg and vodka in my glass! It’s like a real live tribute to me! “I should go worship myself now.”
When I saw this was your post for today, I swear my upper lip got sweaty and I straightened out my posture. (I never do that by the way ‘cuz my mother hates my shoulders slumped.) I was ‘cited. I read with such delight and anticipation – ALMOST as much as I normally read your blog – wondering if I would be a “chosen one”. I’ve often thought I was a long lost relative of Luke Skywalker, and its his birthday today too so I figured it had to be a sign. Plus….you actually “liked” my first ever comment made on here. I know ‘cuz I decided to get out of bed that day because of it. But then…..I was reading….and reading…..and BAM! Nothing. *sigh*. I GUESS those others were funny too. I get it. Its all good. I’m a total fucking failure, just as I assumed. I’m going to be in my bed.
franklinsgirl21 Um, I THINK it’s your birthday today (I don’t know, I’m confused), so HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (And if it’s not your birthday… um… HAPPY DAY!) And also, whether it’s your birthday or not, get outta bed, I loves ya.
Pintester franklinsgirl21 Haha. No, no slappy. It’s the dude that played Luke Skywalker’s birthday today. I got nothin’. But seriously. I adore you. Keep up the great work. And I’m up and at the fucking shithole we call work. Which is truly WAY worse than loathing myself in bed. I can do that here ‘cept there’s people watching and not caring. WAY worse. But don’t worry. I keep razor blades in my desk drawer.Just kidding. I’m not a total recluse or nut job. I’d use arsenic in the coffee maker.(OMG! THE Pintester actually replied to me…..!!! Fuckin’ A!) LOL. xo
I think you should make another one and send it to franklinsgirl121. It might make her poop and then she will feel better.
heidibadger A good poo always makes one feel better. 🙂
LOL, this was great! I definitely don’t read every comment so seeing the best glorified is a big hit for me! Thanks!http://thissillygirlslife.com
Love this feature so much!
I’ve been laughing at your pinterest ventures for almost two months now (snorting while I laugh, mind you). Love this post.
Oh my god, you’ve made my life. I’ve never had a featured comment before. In all seriousness though, your blog helps me get through the slog of daily work. Thanks for that 😀
OMG, shut the fuck up. How has the super glue thing never occurred to me before. I’ve been stabbed by my wires twice in the past 2 weeks and I’m not even about to throw those bras out.
Gum. ABC gum works.
You’ve invaded my life, eaten up my (almost non-exist) spare time. Your site is bookmarked on my home screen, I follow you on twitter, get your posts emailed to me. (I sound like a fucking stalker right now…) I lurve your stuff , Yes, I just typed ‘lurve’ cause love would just sound weird after I admitting to stalker behaviour.. I am a proud Pinteste. You just keeping fucking up and I’ll keep snorting my coffee through my nose daily, deal?
hee-hee,you said Pintestes. testes hee-heee.
Thank you for introducing the rest of us to the bright minds that are bringing you things like “fuck that noise” and anything even remotely derogatory about Chick-Fil-A-Holes. PS – Please offer your fabulous designer t-shirts in v-neck because some of us are old and crew necks just tell the world, “Hey! Have you noticed my wrinkly ass neck? Because it’s striking resemblance to George W Bush’s ball sack is becoming more apparent on a daily basis to the degree that Nora Ephron (RIP) probably would say ‘I feel sorry about YOUR neck’?”. V-necks basically say, “Look down, as I’m sure there are breasts down there somewhere & breasts just aren’t happy unless someone is gawking at them.” Thank you in advance for prompt attention to this critical matter.
otter326 Thanks for the lovely and well-worded suggestion. I’ll see what I can do! 🙂
otter326 Ask and you shall receive: http://pintester.spreadshirt.com/pintester-white-women-s-v-neck-t-shirt-A11048325/customize/color/1
Pintester otter326 Shazam! That was easy! You put the Fairy in Fairy Godmother (which is why, sadly, you are NOT welcome at Chick-Fil-A).
I am soooo with jojomace. I received a unwarranted weenie pic a few days ago from a guy that I wasn’t even on that level with. Conversation went from “hey. what’s up, wanna go shoot pool this weekend?” to and after midnight tally-wacker text. I should add that I didn’t see this pic until morning and it took me a few minutes of staring at it in my half asleep stupor to figure out what i was looking at! Bleck. Men listen up… THIS IS NOT AN ATTRACTIVE SIGHT! :-/
cassielouwho I was just going to click “Like,” but then I thought you might think that I was liking that you got a weenie pic, and I certainly do not, but I like that you told the story. 😉
thank you. thank you. thank you…
People are looking at me funny because I just laughed out loud and maybe I snorted a little…I guess I should be working, but reading your stuff is so, so much better!! Thank you for making my morning!
i have this little love-hate relationship with you. i’ll be sitting in class, minding my own business, when all of the sudden i’m laughing so hard i’m crying. diy body sugaring. killed me. and my roommates. you seriously make our lives.
You have made me getting in trouble for laughing out loud in class (I haven’t got caught at work yet) SO worth it. 🙂 Keep doing what you do… you are changing lives Dudette! 🙂
You like me, you really, really like me! It seems I’ve been slacking off on my Pintester-stalking lately so it was a wonderful, fangirly treat to see that you featured my comment re: illegitimate waves, eeeeee!!!!! ^_^ Your blog is seriously the only light in my cubicle-blocked world from the hours of 8 to 5. I will mend my ways and devote more time to the stalking, carry on!