This pin test was originally posted on CraftFail.
This post about decorating candles got pinned and captioned improperly a whole bunch on Pinterest, but it turns out that there actually are real working instructions.
Contrary to weird Pinterest captions, you do not draw on the wax paper, or draw on the candle, or draw a design backwards and then iron it on, or any of that other stupid shit.
The blog post clearly instructs you to draw the design on tissue paper, just the way you want it to appear (not mirrored). Sounded easy enough, so I gathered my materials.
First, I taped a piece of tissue paper about the size of my candle to a piece of regular paper. This step is only so the design won’t bleed through the tissue paper onto, like, your kitchen table or your pants. You’re welcome.
The blog post then tells you to go find some cute kids to draw a design on your paper. I don’t have any cute kids, but I am resourceful, so I recruited my husband.
(Yes, the scenic view from our living room is of dumpsters. You get used to it.)
Guess what he drew.
So I cut out the design and prepared to adhere it to the candle.
Here’s the step where it got creative on Pinterest. Despite what you may have seen in the caption of this pin, here is what you really do: You place the tissue paper on the candle where you want it to go. You wrap a piece of wax paper around the whole thing. You heat it with a heat gun.
So I did that, except I didn’t have a heat gun. I panicked momentarily, but then I realized I have a heated implement which blows hot air, and it was probably close enough.
I crossed my fingers and blasted the candle for half a minute or so with heat from my very old and relatively cheap hair dryer. Ok, well, I didn’t really cross my fingers because my damn hands were full. It’s a figure of speech, people. Jeez.
And you know what? It worked! The tissue paper (the whole chunk of it, not just the ink) adhered to the candle! Amazeballs.
And now I have this lovely gift for someone very special… I just have to decide who… Maybe a teenager. I could incorporate an object lesson about the dangers of unprotected sex, and then light the candle and say, “Now do you want your penis to feel like it’s on fire? No? Then use condoms.”
And all of Sonja’s nephews lived happily ever after. The end.
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BRB – making wenis candles.
I feel like you should auction it. I’d pony up at least three dollars.
Or a giveaway!
Stay tuned. I have plans for the candle. 🙂
Girl, you nasty!
That made me LOL, not even lying.
Oh … Blush … Now I am not looking forward to your ideas with this candle anymore.
At least it’s not a taper.
That is a true work of art, but I think lizmk is right, you should auction it up, I might cough up 3 dolla and tenty-fi cents…..
thank god it’s not a scented candle.
O.M.G. It totally SHOULD have been a scented candle. That would have been awesome… something earthy….. like Christmas Conifer or Mahogany Spice or Patchouli. Better yet, buy the oils and wax and make your OWN scented candle…. like Aux de nutsack or something equally sweat-scented.
My husband walked by as I was looking at this and asked if your husband was “tracing” his package for this pin?
He would like everyone to know that this is a scaled down version and his is much, much bigger.
Yeah, like he would need one of those humongous church candles or something. I think he may be related to my hubby too!
That goes without saying.
BAHAHAA. I heart you. 🙂
We have a penis power-washed into our driveway…with the little hairs included. Our husbands are obviously related.
haha oh god… this made me die laughing. the things your neighbours must think. i have a strong suspicion my boyfriend could also be related to your husbands. he likes to make far to many penis jokes.
Is that a prerequisite to be a guy? He thinks it’s funny and new every time he makes a dick joke. 🙂
I guess sending it to Europe is not an option, I don’t think (thank G) it will pass customs. I vote for make it a glitter candle artpiece. Lots of inspiration on Pinterest. Or melt the whole piece into a teacup, also seen on Pinterest. Good luck! But I am really looking forward to what your plans are….
Perfect! It makes me a little sad though that when you light it creamy white stuff is not going to shoot forth. Rather it will just drip down the side making a mess all over the sheets…i mean table :(. Story of my life.
HAHA. nailed it.
That is the best candle I have ever seen. I’m going to go re-create it, right now, and give it to my mother-in-law for her birthday 🙂
LOL You should make a vagina one and give it to your father in law! It would be perfect.
A vagina candle and a penis candle…sounds like unity candles at a wedding…
You literally nailed it.
But what happens when you light it? Does the tissue paper catch on fire? Does it even melt? I’m dying to know!
funniest thing ever, candle used in a sex ed class. I am using that next year during sex ed!
I’m pretty sure you could sell these on Etsy as Dicks Wicks or Jacks Wax…arf arf!
Lovely. I recommend putting it in a prominent location for visiting in-laws, clergy, or grandparents.
It worked!!!! Wow!!! Well the candle worked anyway….
Martha Stewart can only dream her candles feature balls with barb wire hair
I saw this pin a few times then thought, can’t you just draw directly onto the candle? Or doesn’t permanent marker work on candles, or does that take all the fun out of it… I should go check before posting this but the markers are too far away, I can see some candle though…
My favorite part of this is the (FREE!) moral. I bet your nephews think Auntie Sonja is more than a little wack. (Which, of course, is true.) 🙂
You could recycle the caption on the original pin “Grandparents fill the world with love” on your own design. Just a suggestion. I think it would add a little something.
hmmm nailed it eh….. is it a that what she said moment………
How have none of the 36 Pintestes before me commented on the wick clearly shooting white gizz straight out the head? It’s a pure effing masterpiece.
Well – now we know your husband is cut…
I got tree-fiddy for dat…C’mon tree fiddy!
To bad the candle isn’t dirty twat scented. If you want to send it to a teenager, I am always here.
Laughed so loud I just woke up the cat. She ran.
fyi I just pinned this how-to from your page so that my pin would have the cock candle on it.
[…] a girl to do when she gets an email from Pintester about tissue paper candles? She makes them, of course! It’s no lie I have an ooey, gooey […]
Even though I knew what was coming i still laughed so much at this when i saw the finished product!! I think i might try this though def not pinterest fail, every home needs a cock candle!
Does it matter what we use to draw with? Can it be crayons? Do certain markers work better than others? Should I use pens?
My husband is crying he’s laughing so hard.
It’s not every day you see a dick candle.
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I laughed so hard I had to explain this whole post to my mum, that wasn’t awkward at all!