I need to start by telling you my heart is broken for the families in Connecticut who suffered such great loss today. We all struggle with knowing what to do or say when tragedy strikes like this. I’m still posting this today because I think that laughter is good and right, and it happens even in the midst of all the bad stuff that goes on in the world. Please be kind to each other, hug someone, laugh with someone– in honor of those we’ve lost.
Cookies are as much a part of Christmas as– like– Christmas trees. You just can’t have Christmas without cookies. And not just any cookies, either. Homemade fuckin’ cookies. So I decided to make some today, and the winners were these cuties from Bakergirl.
All was going well, people. I got out and measured all my ingredients, put the dry ingredients aside, and was creaming together the wet ingredients when I realized (DUN DUN DUN) we were out of eggs.
Luckily, I have Google on my phone, and a quick search turned up many egg substitutions. I decided to try vinegar and baking soda, because those were two things I had in the house.
When I mixed them together and added them to my dough, I am pleased to report that they made a science-experimenty explosion/fizz. It’s as close to blowing up the kitchen during a pin test as I’ve ever come, really. I had forgotten until I mixed them together, but in case you don’t know, vinegar and baking soda are the ingredients in the infamous UfYH drain volcano. And I put that shit in my cookies, y’all.
It all came together pretty well.
I was fairly optimistic as I formed my cookies and got ready to bake them. And they really didn’t look bad when they came out, either, except for being less smooth than the pinned cookies.
But, here’s where I ran into problems. It’s true, I usually run into problems about here: the step in which you have completed the easy part, but the cool part/decorating is yet to be done.
I have theories on why things didn’t work out:
- I didn’t use an egg. This seems an easy thing to blame everything on, so I will.
- I did not have mini brown M&Ms. The plan was to use regular brown M&Ms, but then I messed up and bought Christmas M&Ms and had a grand total of two color choices: red and green.
- My chocolate pretzels were too big.
- I baked the cookies too long and/or did not make them big enough.
Any of these could conceivably be to blame. Or we could just call this what it is: a fail because someone who should probably never attempt to make cookies any more complicated than no-bake oatmeal balls attempted to make holiday-themed, decorated, full-on Christmas cookies. Yeah, this one’s on me.
I wish you better luck with your Christmas cookies.
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