DIY pedicures are not a new thing for me on this blog. This time, though, a DIY pedicure was necessary because I got a giant blister on my foot and I was afraid if I went to the pedicure place to get my toes did, some kind of gross MRSA or some shit would wiggle it’s way into my open wound and I’d end up losing a leg. So, in this case, DIY sounds safer, even if I’m the DIYer.
As with most things in my life, I decided this needed to be done, like, the night before an important event and so I did a quick job of everything, but I figured it wouldn’t be that hard. And, really, if you are a normal person, painting solid colors on your toenails ain’t no thang.
I am me, though, and I never can quite get the hang of pedicures. For one thing, my feet are very far away from me. I am not a short woman, and I do not have a shortage of, um, heft blocking me from contorting myself so that my feet are close enough to my eye region to actually see what I’m doing. Also, I always decide that I need to paint my toes in the dead of night when they only light available is that of table lamps and the reflection off my pale (probably unshaven) legs. These factors combined make my at-home pedicures something of an adventure, in the way that yoga is an adventure when you’ve just eaten a 3-pound burrito.
Still, I managed the orange-y color fairly well. (I think– you know, it’s still dark. Morning’s light will give the real answer.)
(I considered putting a toe warning at the top of this post since I am aware there is a small contingent of my readers who can’t stand to look at feet. If that’s you, (1) why are you still reading this post?, and (2) consider it therapy. I’m helping you get over your fear. Embrace the toes. Love the toes. Be the toes.)
Then it was time for the accent toe. Tangent: Does that make anyone else think of a toe with a French accent? “Hoh Hoh Hoh ah ehm le toh toh toh,” or something. Just me? Ahem. Carry on then.
I don’t think the accent toe is an improvement.
Sadly, neither a coat of Seche Vite nor an Instagram filter did anything to improve the state of this pedicure, but I am too tired to fix it, so I’m going to rock it and just hope no one looks that close. At least I know the other tall people won’t care, because we can’t even fucking see pedicures from way up here.