Baked Cheese Balls

0 Posted by - July 12, 2012 - Food & Drink

I saw this pin and, like, seriously 3 minutes later, I was in the kitchen trying to replicate it. Honestly, it was partly because they looked good and partly because there were notes in the comments of the post about heinous disasters, and that made me giggle with Pintesterly glee.


Guys, I didn’t even finish gathering the ingredients for my ingredients photo before shit went down. I went for my breadcrumbs and noted that they were stuck to the shelf. Yes. Stuck. Stuck in that way that makes you go, “OMG ewwwwww,” before you have any idea what is actually going on.

Also, these are Panko crumbs, which the food network tells me are SUPERIOR bread crumbs. Booyah.

It took me a while to hunt down the source of the gross sticky fluid. (Usually I know right where to look, heh, but this was a pantry, so…) Turns out the culprit was a can of pears. Yeah, I don’t know either.

Yes, Del Monte spooged in my pantry. I have no idea what caused this. It was sitting next to a can of pineapples, so, you know, I’m not accusing the pineapples of being whores exactly, but if the stained skirt fits…

So as a result of the pears’ apparent excitement, I had to take everything out of the pantry.

And then clean out sticky stuff from three levels of shelves.

In the meanwhile (read: while I stared at the brown gook and wondered what the hell you use to clean up brown gook), I got started on the cheese balls. (I’m not even going to make a balls joke, since I already went for the semen joke. You’re welcome.)

I actually had a hard time getting the crumbs to stick to the milk-dipped string cheese pieces. Maybe I should have rolled them in pear jizz first.

I honestly don’t know how long they were in the oven– long enough for me to take all the shelves out of the pantry and scrub them down in the sink because I didn’t know what else to do with them. Sooo maybe 10 minutes?

You’re supposed to serve these with marinara sauce. Any bets on the chances of me having marinara sauce on hand? No? Ok, fine.

Close enough.

And, you know, despite the lack of marinara sauce, and the pear schmeg, these get a thumbs up. Quite delicious. Aw, I love a happy ending. (Get it? Get it?)


  • nickntallent84 July 12, 2012 - 7:35 am Reply

    I made these last week with italian breadcrumbs…Had the same problem as you, trying to get the crumbs to stick. What I ended up doing was dipping them in milk, coating in crumbs, then repeating. Anyways, they were nasty. I mean, wow. My wife and I wondered if panko would be better, guess we’ll give those a whirl next time!

  • Lindsay July 12, 2012 - 7:42 am Reply

    I did this too, although my cheese balls melted all over the cookie pan. Did I still eat the melted goo? Yes, yes I did. Did I try again? Yup. Same results? Yes.

    • LeJerk July 12, 2012 - 8:36 am Reply

      Mine melted all over too! I peeled it off though and ate it. Mine tasted like garlic bread topping or something…ha

  • Catie July 12, 2012 - 7:43 am Reply

    Hahah the semen jokes made my morning!

  • AlanaCapri July 12, 2012 - 8:19 am Reply

    Mmm… Original Thomas Sauce. One of the three best reasons to live in North Carolina. (The other two being Cackalacky Sauce and any vinegar based barbeque.)

  • LeJerk July 12, 2012 - 8:34 am Reply

    bahaha- whorish pineapples! How dare they infiltrate your pantry pears!  Also, I made these…and they melted into each other, yours look awesome. The cheese I peeled and ate was pretty good though.

  • rfoust July 12, 2012 - 9:46 am Reply

    these were not half bad.  the panko crumbs made it.

  • CobyCoyle July 12, 2012 - 10:32 am Reply

    Reading this was fantastic. Lmfao.

  • StephHC July 12, 2012 - 11:32 am Reply

    Thank you for helping me laugh off a shitty mood!! That cracked me up before I even had my coffee!!!

  • Trippy Pongstocking July 12, 2012 - 11:41 am Reply

    As always, fun to read, though you could have squeezed in another bodily fluids joke with the “Original Thomas Sauce”. Then again, restraint’s a good trait.

  • Truffles8761 July 12, 2012 - 1:47 pm Reply

    Wow, I might actually try this (minus the fruit porn).

  • RebeccaAmos July 12, 2012 - 2:09 pm Reply

    Maybe adding an egg to the milk/bread crumbs mix would make it stick better? I don’t know. Just a guess 🙂

  • princessmom09 July 12, 2012 - 2:44 pm Reply

    How did they taste?

  • Rosemary July 12, 2012 - 4:06 pm Reply

    You made my day with this post. Pear Jizz. <3

  • Yakityyak July 12, 2012 - 6:57 pm Reply

    “if the stained skirt fits” … I thought this might be a fun post because it was for something BALLS. Your humor was surprising because it stayed in the neighborhood without going for the obvious. Brilliant!

  • Valleygurlie916 July 12, 2012 - 8:35 pm Reply

    i attempted this but i ate all the string cheese before i got around to making it.

    • SaraBenitez July 14, 2012 - 2:35 am Reply

       @Valleygurlie916  Ditto

  • mcberra July 12, 2012 - 9:57 pm Reply

    This whole entry drips with “that’s what she said,” and no, that never gets old. Kudos for best fluids references in a blog. You should get an award. 

  • NatashaCarson July 13, 2012 - 4:30 am Reply

    you really make my day every time you had a new blog post. i literally lol every time i read your posts, your so damn clever and witty! thank you for your great posts and cant wait to see more pinterest attempts 🙂

  • coachksr July 13, 2012 - 7:16 am Reply

    I think I’ve been reading too many organizing blogs ’cause all I could think of was that you could 1) line the shelves with paper that would be easy to wash off next time (not “if”) this happens and 2) you need some kind of hanging apparatus that attaches to the bottom of each shelf and rolls out when you need it. Meanwhile, Pintester, I’m in awe that you managed to clean the shelves and not burn the cheese balls.

  • Becky G July 13, 2012 - 8:45 am Reply

    I absolutely love reading your blog.
    Got an award for you on my blog. Come drop by and pick it up sometime.

  • Unapologetically Mundane July 13, 2012 - 10:18 am Reply

    I can’t believe you exist!  One of my friends did a single Pintester-like blog post ages ago, and I told her it was the most brilliant idea for a blog ever, and she quietly ignored me.  So I’m defriending her and friending you.  And as your friend, I have to tell you that you should’ve displayed these on the saucer you ruined in the crockpot dulce de leche challenge.

  • weirdlywired July 13, 2012 - 12:42 pm Reply

    I think the Thomas sauce was actually a better choice, given the apparent theme of this post! 🙂

  • brandelion July 13, 2012 - 2:17 pm Reply

    I wonder if you coated them in flour and then the milk/egg mixture and THEN the bread crumbs (like you would do to bread chicken or something) if this would help the sticking problem
    anyway…as always ♥ ♥ ♥!!
    I’ve been wanting to make these for weeks but somehow always seem to forget to buy the cheese..which if you knew me you’d know is very surprising!
    oh I love thee…

  • saradill827 July 13, 2012 - 5:10 pm Reply

    I tried to make these (after seeing them on pinterest) and accidentally caused a grease fire. Never doing that again!

  • SaraBenitez July 14, 2012 - 2:33 am Reply

    Your ad service thinks I’m a Spanish Speaking Retiree.  Jokes on you AARP, I may have a Latin last name but I have no idea what you are saying.

  • kristin78 July 14, 2012 - 2:59 am Reply

    Glad there was a happy ending. 😉  Also thoroughly delighted that I happened upon your blog a couple of weeks ago.  I can always count on your posts to make me laugh.

  • CatsandFlorals July 14, 2012 - 6:57 am Reply

    Oh wow, well if you succeeded then I might actually have a chance too (maybe)! Hungry now…

  • JenniferWilkerson July 14, 2012 - 4:48 pm Reply

    Yours are super pretty!

  • Julie July 14, 2012 - 6:29 pm Reply

    Yours turned out better than mine. I made these for the 4th of July and they turned into flat cheescakes (pancakes). They were still good, and i only had them in for 5 minutes.  Maybe it was because i used 1% milk and not skim….

  • katearch1978 July 14, 2012 - 10:59 pm Reply

    You can’t go wrong cheese & bread crumbs. It’s the perfect food…cheese & carbs,,,yum!  After making these a couple times, I decided to try co-jack cheese because I had that in the fridge and I couldn’t be bothered to run the half block to the grocery store to get string cheese. It turns out that co-jack melts much faster than Mozzarella. I ended up with a cookie sheet sized glob of melted cheese with bread crumbs.  It wasn’t pretty but it was delicious!

    • katearch1978 July 14, 2012 - 11:00 pm Reply

      *wrong with cheese & bread crumbs.  

  • subloke July 16, 2012 - 2:40 pm Reply

    if I get fired for reading your blog and laughing OUT LOUD at work what sort of compensation can I expect?
    This was so funny. I just discovered your blog and I don’t think I can stop reading it.  Please please keep up the good work!

  • ChelsZ513 July 17, 2012 - 11:01 am Reply

    This made me laugh until I cried. I have to try them though.

  • TinaRedmond July 19, 2012 - 5:24 pm Reply

    I love you, do you know that!!!!!

  • christine81474 July 23, 2012 - 1:18 pm Reply

    Oh. my. goodness.  I just ran across a pin someone posted of your blog and started clicking through your posts.  I burst out laughing so hard with this one, I even shared the “pineapples might be whores” paragraph with him, but I was laughing and crying at the same time in such a way that he couldn’t even understand me.  He could only laugh at the craziness that is me.  Thank you so much for this!

    • christine81474 July 25, 2012 - 11:32 pm Reply

       @christine81474 Oops, and by “him” I mean the hubby.  Geez.  

  • gerfpernk July 24, 2012 - 8:36 am Reply

    pear jizz FTW

  • Pamelamakesstuff July 28, 2012 - 11:37 pm Reply

    I made these last night. had trouble with the “sticking” issue as well. And I kept waiting for them to turn brown, and I left them in too long and we had crumb-coated cheese puddles. But they were tasty!

  • EL July 30, 2012 - 1:12 pm Reply

    Tried these yesterday and used someone’s suggestion of freezing them first so you don’t get cheese puddles. They were okay but I think I could have done this faster (and without such a mess) if I just cut the string cheese in half and not into little balls. And they didn’t melt too well.
    I think I just really wanted a fried piece of cheese!

  • LyndsayW August 6, 2012 - 1:56 pm Reply

    I will never look at cans of pears the same again.

  • RosaPelkey August 9, 2012 - 12:57 pm Reply

    You are soooo funny I just love reading your blog!!! Keep them coming!!

  • ThePintester August 10, 2012 - 9:15 pm Reply

    @abbykratoska Thanks for the recipe! Hope you enjoyed my post. 😉

    • abbykratoska August 13, 2012 - 11:50 am Reply

      I did! Glad it worked for you since it hasn’t for a lot of people. Sorry about your slutty pears, sluts are so….slutty. @ThePintester

  • KeishaWestfallParman August 16, 2012 - 6:40 pm Reply

    I made these about a week ago, but it was my own recipe…leftover from beer-battered onion rings and some Italian Bread Crumbs mixed in.I just now saw the recipe on Pinterest for their version….yuck.  I also DEEP FRIED mine cuz oven-fried is NOT the same. So yeah, if you buy a package of cheese sticks, cut each stick into five pieces, get your oil hot while making the beer batter, then dip (roll or whatever to get some dough around the cheese), and cook for about 30 seconds (on each side if you’re poor like me and don’t have a deep fryer but have that old cast iron skillet with not a lot of oil left) in the oil you will have SUCCESS!

  • AmaliaHall August 23, 2012 - 3:36 pm Reply

    Mine was an epic fail when I tried this. But my husband still enjoyed them. I can always count on him to eat my cheese puddles!

  • AKERodes September 9, 2012 - 1:21 am Reply

    I giggl like a pubecent boy every time I read your blogs! This one the most… Pear spooge, whory pineapple, cheese balls?!? But the part that made me laugh most was the tiny ittle “penis” pears in the lower right corner of your last picture! How apprapoe!

  • Amy September 18, 2012 - 8:21 pm Reply

    I just found your blog today via Pinterest, it is fantastic.  I had read several posts but this one takes the cake.  I was laughing so hard I was crying.

  • connerzgram September 25, 2012 - 2:12 pm Reply

    i totally  have a girl crush on you!  you are fantastic!  can’t wait to move onto drunken pork chops! 

  • Tiffany Elzinga March 15, 2013 - 5:55 pm Reply

    Soooo,I decided to do this also and my hubby of course was like ”how in the hell are the breadcrumbs going to stick?” I already had them in the oven by this point,and decided to check myself as I too was really doubtful .Thats when I hit up your blog and DUH!! OF COURSE they had to be frozen!!! Tooo late!! The stupid CHEEESEBALLS are melted all over the pan,so not wanting to waste this melted cheese we are having spaghetti with the melted cheese toast.Sigh,next time I will double check with you before my next Pinterest adventure!!

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