There are many things I like to do in the comfort of my own home: watch movies, sing, and poop for example (but not all at the same time– although I could, since it’s my house and all). One of those things is also to get naked, slather a bunch of lotion on my cellulite, and then wrap myself up in cellophane. What, you don’t do that at home?
Alright, I admit, I never do it at home either. But according to Pinterest, you can:
Before I continue, I feel like this is the first post where I really need to do a disclaimer: Don’t try this at home, guys. Medical professionals would probably shit themselves if they knew people were doing this. So just don’t. I know, I know. I did it. But I’m a professional (meaning I get paid to do stupid stuff, for real).
There are all kinds of recipes for how to make the stuff you apply to yourself before cellophaning, but I am too lazy for all that. I gathered a mug of tea and then whatever crap I could find around my bathtub.
That’s, like, what’s leftover of a mud mask, some cellulite cream, and a salt scrub or something. The tube of mud mask was so old that the bottle cracked and busted open when I started squeezing it out. So that was fun. Also, I mixed it with my hands, which was even more fun. It was like mud-pies for self-conscious, fat-thighed grown-ups.
When I was done, my concoction was pleasing to the eye as well as the nose:
The application part was pretty nasty. Imagine smearing Cool Whip from your knees to your belly button. Now imagine that Cool Whip smells like vomit. Alright, now imagine you have to leave it on, saran wrap yourself, and then go take a nap for an hour. Magical, yes?
I mean, the nap part actually wasn’t that bad. The dog took a nap with me and decided not to bark for no fucking reason or vomit up her breakfast or anything, and the thought that “working” at that moment meant taking a nap actually entered my mind several times, and I was well pleased.
But then it was time to take all that stuff off, and it was not really that fun anymore. The post said to leave on the lotion-stuff until your next shower, but that was so not going to happen. I showered it off immediately.
AND, I did take measurements before and after the treatment, because, really, when you’re testing a pin with as much scientific accuracy as I do, you need empirical results. Want to guess how many inches I lost? I’ll give you a hint: It rhymes with “hero” (as in I am your hero for saving you the effort of losing zero inches with this at-home wrap that is messy and smelly and offers no real results).
So, unless you think it’s really fun to take a nap while marinating in the juices of your left-over beauty supplies and your own sweat, you can probably safely skip this one.
I think I read once that someone died from doing this. But maybe that was an urban legend?I googled it….yikes http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/1032686–quebec-woman-s-death-raises-spa-regulation-questions
Ha! I did this at my doctor’s office yesterday, but they used a cream that was a combination of Niacin and cinnamon. They exfoliated first with a body scrub, and then applied the cream, and then wrapped me up in medical wrap (like cellophane but is stronger and has tiny air holes in it) and put me under a heat blanket. It wasn’t too bad, and apparently I lost 6 inches. I was contemplating trying to do it at home after seeing the results. Now I know not to try. Thanks for suffering, I really, really appreciate it. 😉
Body wraps are such a scam. Any inches lost are simply a result of your body sweating out water and becoming dehydrated. As soon as you rehydrate those inches will be right back.
rundonthide I disagree! The Ultimate Body Applicator that you do in your own home from http://www.ieskinnywrap.com/ is fabulous! it’s not water loss, but it detoxifies your fat cells and drains the toxins out… drinking a lot of water over 3 days time helps the body to expel those toxins and it can last for up to 4 months, depending on diet and exercise. I’ve lost 30 lbs over a year ago, and have kept it off.. I LOVE these wraps and the supplements.. 🙂
danosmom rundonthide did you ever stop and think maybe you lost 30 pounds from drinking more water and eating less junk?
CrystalKYuhhyzaguirre Nope. I went to a dr to find out HOW to lose weight after dropping my calories to 800 and STILL nothing changed. The body wraps at http://www.ieskinnywrap.com changed everything for me, and I couldn’t be HAPPIER.
You weren’t losing weight at 800 calories a day because your body goes into starvation mode when you start eating less than 1200/day. At that point your metabolism grinds to a halt, meaning you’re not burning the 2000-some calories a day you would normally. NO TOPICAL SOLUTION CAN MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT, people! Smearing goo on yourself doesn’t suddenly override science. Don’t be ignorant!
Scientists now know that you exhale the fat you burn. So it’s not like “toxins” (which toxins? people just use this word without knowing wth it means) are draining out of the body and taking fat with it.
If you want more information: http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/where-does-your-fat-go-when-you-lose-weight
Is it wrong that my only thoughts were “oh my god, oh my god, PLEASE no plastic wrapped pintester flesh pictures”?
puffycat1 In that case, I guess I owe you an apology.
i’m relieved it didn’t double as a crock pot experiment or cracker spread. kuddos on being brave enough to post thigh pics!
this may be an inappropiate question but, what did you do about the bits and pieces?
JoAnnaMarieWaddoups HAhahaha. I kind of left them alone. Which is what I would recommend all of you do. I mean, of course, leave MINE alone, but if you try this, I’d leave yours alone, too.
OMG! too funny! I just laughed so hard I scared the dog off the couch!
I could never display my thighs. I would never have the patience to sit in vomit smelling plastic. I guess I will just have fat flabby thighs and live vicariously through others.
If I went to Costco, bought that restaurant cling wrap stuff. Shaved my fat dog, slathered her in bacon grease. And wrapped her, would the vet quit telling me I have a fat dog????……. HMMMMMM
TaryTaylor I’m going to say nooooo…but oh so funny on oh so many levels! 3 gold stars!!!
TaryTaylor Omg! I’d pay to see that! HaHaHa!
This reminded me of the movie Fried Green Tomatoes where Kathy Bates opens the front door for her hubby wrapped in cling wrap in attempt to be sexy….good stuff. I picture myself trying to wrap myself in that stuff and falling on my face and/or ass.
“take a nap while marinating in the juices of your left-over beauty supplies and your own sweat” = keepin’ it classy ^_^ This is definitely one to skip for me, I’d much rather sit around marinating myself with tasty wine.
ohmyword, PRICELESS! “now imagine that Cool Whip smells like vomit” BWA HA HA HA HA
You truly are my hero.
Yeah, I just about shit when I saw that people actually do this! I’m an esthetician, (aka, the professional for this kind of stuff) and there are so many things that could go wrong if you dont know what you are doing. It took me weeks to learn the proper technique for wrapping people. And you have to use special product with the right ingredients. And really the wrapping is hard to do. There is a reason the first picture shows 2 people, it’s pretty much impossible to wrap yourself correctly and tight enough. If it’s not super tight, it’s not doing anything. That being said, this does work if go to a professional.
i can’t even believe you attempted this one. LOL!
I’m sitting at home laughing until I’m crying at this. This could be influenced by the half of bottle of wine I paired my dinner salad with (got to cut calories somewhere!) Thanks for entertaining me when there’s nothing on tv!
This reminds me of the time I went to a toga party in college The homemade toga offered no tactical support for my chest friends and I wasn’t really a planner. Right before the party I realized that I didn’t have a strapless bra and I was up a creek. So my friends and I decided that saran wrap would be the way to go. I’ve never had so much boob sweat in my entire life. It was pouring down my stomach like a disgusting waterfall. Didn’t get lucky that night, I’ll tell you that.
Prep h and Saran Wrap works way better. Try THAT.
Ok. If you didn’t use the stuff they said to, why are you bitching it didn’t work? I get this is supposed to be funny, but saying all the stuff on Pinterest fails bc you tried it, though you didn’t really try it, is fucking stupid.
This is the stupidest test review I have ever seen. If you’re going to try something half assed, and not even follow the recipe, don’t complain when it doesn’t work. Old face mask, some random cream and a cup of tea? Hmmm I wonder why it didn’t work.
You…realize this is funny right? As in the tagline says “fucking up Pinterest pins so you don’t have to”? I think you need to go back to sleep.
Maybe it’s an attempt at being funny but it’s just plain stupid.
Mayyyybe you shouldn’t be reading the funniest fucking blog ever if you dont have a sence of humor…..
this method is actually most effective for those with severe eczema — erm, not for weightloss ;D