Since I’m on an apple kick, I thought I’d do another apple post for you guys today. This one got a whole bunch of repins when I pinned it, probably because baked apple cinnamon chips sound pretty damn delicious:
Image from The Silver Pen
I opted for golden delicious apples this time because they didn’t come from the grocery store, so I was fairly certain I wouldn’t find any surprises like the wormhole under the sticker. (I went to an apple farm to buy these. I’m classy like that.)
All you need for this recipe are two apples and some cinnamon and nutmeg. You can add a little sugar too, but golden delicious apples are pretty sweet already so I figured, what the hell, and decided to live on the wild side and skip the sugar. Hey, that also makes these things paleo, if you’re interested in that sort of shit.
All you have to do is slice the apples and cut out the core. If you’re like me, you nearly chop off your thumb a few times in the process.
The original post suggests using a cookie cutter to take out the core, but all I had was my penis cookie cutter and it was too big. (That’s what she said.)
I really didn’t think there would be enough cinnamon/nutmeg mixture to adequately coat all the apple slices because it looked like a lot of slices and not much dust, but turns out there was plenty.
Full disclosure: I was going to do this test yesterday, but by the time I got home and read the directions, and then they said you have to bake these for TWO FUCKING HOURS, I decided that I did not have time. So I started these first thing this morning because I knew it was going to take at least two hours to bake these, and ain’t nobody got time for that.
I did, indeed, check these at an hour and a half and also at two hours, and then I forgot about them so they ended up baking for almost three hours, and they still didn’t seem all that crispy to me…
But I was tired of waiting for them to be done, so I took them out and let them cool.
So, bad things about these:
1. It’s kind of a pain in the ass to cut the cores out of slices of apples, and you may lose a thumb if you’re a spaz.
2. They take a really long time to bake.
3. They never achieve a chip-like crispiness. Some of them were pretty chewy, in fact.
But, good  things about these:
1. It’s just apples and spices, so you can feel all superior for eating something “natural” (as long as you don’t think about all the pesticides the apples had sprayed on them).
2. The prep work doesn’t take long, and at least you can go do something else while they bake for THREE FUCKING HOURS.
3. Even though they’re not all that crisp, they’re a little crunchy and they taste pretty good. Mine turned out extra dusty, but you know, you could fix that by not putting as much shit on them.
4. They make the house smell awesome while you’re cooking them. This one is probably the best part of the deal because it really did smell damn good. And I guess if you’re going to be trapped in your house for THREE FUCKING HOURS waiting for apple slices to slowly dehydrate in your oven, at least they should smell good.
45 Comments
Why do I want to try this so much?
Where are the holes in the original pin’s picture? Did they shop them out? That’s weird.
I can’t figure that out either. My only theory is that she sliced them the other way so that some of the slices didn’t have a core piece.
I think you’re right. If you look at their pictures the apple slices don’t look round but they do look like whatever shape it would be if you look at the apple when it’s sitting on the counter. Apple shaped I suppose. This might in fact be the lamest comment ever.
Came here to say this also. I was very confused.
I can’t find the holes!
That’s what he said 😉
Bah, I prefer making apple butter with my apples. If you put it in a crockpot, it cooks all day with minimal times of having to stir it so you can go out and get shit done. First time I ever made it, I had to call my husband and tell him that apple butter and I were running away together. Easy as hell to do, tasty goodness, awesome on pancakes.
Uh, YUM. Recipe please!
Sure. There’s all sorts of recipes online, but I prefer more spices than those call for. I mean, the big difference between apple butter and apple sauce is spices, right? Right. So, I really wouldn’t add MORE spices than what I already put in, but feel free to play with the recipe a bit. Add less, or whatever, hell, I just use whatever I’m in the mood for. This makes a lot of apple butter, so freezing or canning is needed.
1) Peel, core, and chunk up about 5 lbs of apples. Sigh intermittently, wondering why the hell you never think to make apple butter when you have people around to help with this shit because that’s a lot of damn apples. (how big you make the chunks will determine how long they take to cook.)
2) Dump the apples, 1 cup of sugar, 1-2 tablespoons of cinnamon, and a teaspoon each of nutmeg and allspice in your crockpot. Stir until it’s either mixed well or you give up trying to mix it. Dont add water, the apples will juice themselves (giggity) as they cook and more water will just make runny and weird when it’s finished. A teaspoon or two of lemon juice is recommended, as well, if you’re canning. You need the citric acid in there to prevent botulism.
3) Cook it for hours, smelling the awesomeness permeating your entire house. Go a little insane with impatience to try it, especially when you stir it, which I do every hour or so, but my crockpot is hyper and burns shit even when I have it on low. Really, if you have a hyper one, every hour, if not more. If you don’t, you can probably go a lot longer. Don’t let the sugar burn, which may or may not be easy to do in yours.
~optional~ When the apples seem like they’re almost cooked, I add a handful of redhots. gives the apple butter a little kick and turns it a pretty red. Told you I use a lot of spices.
4) Once your apples are soft, use an immersion blender to make it all smooth and shit. If you don’t have an immersion blender, you can use a regular blender, just make sure to heat the glass thingy with hot water and try not to spill apples on yourself. That shit is HOT.
5) Pour finished product into containers, Become impatient, grab a spoonful, and burn your mouth because you forgot how hot it is, even though you’ve got a burn on your hand.
6) Decide dinner has to be pancakes or something, because this shit is GOOOOOD!
Damn, I wrote a lot. Lol!
I would think redhots wouldn’t be that snazzy in apple butter. Something about the weird, odd, plasticky sweetness…
nah. They melt right in. Keep in mind, it’s like a handful of red hots to like five quarts of apple butter, so there’s not enough candy to change the texture. You could use cinnamon extract, I suppose, but that seems like a good way to go overboard to me. I don’t want to burn the fuck outta my mouth, so I use red hots.
I didn’t even think about cinnamon extract but if you are heavy handed like me, you would end up covering everything in the damn extract and it would be a cinnamon bomb. Next time maybe I’ll try red hots.
I agree Apple Butter is the best use for apples. So easy the crockpot can do all the work while you sleep. I’m gonna have to try adding redhots next time. But an apple peeler corer slicer is a must, save a ton of time on prep.
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/93097917270587866/
I keep meaning to get one, but I get distracted. Oh well, it’ll happen eventually.
I am making this. This weekend. You are lovely for giving us the recipe.
It’s llama spit. I’d sign in but this website hates my phone and fucks with me whenever possible. Awesome about making it. Report back cause I wanna know if ya like it.
I tried it and it was delicious but… you were totally on point with the increase in spices. I ended up adding (and I know this sounds all sorts of fucked) chili powder and a loooooooooot of cinnamon. Anyway, I ended up with about 4 huge jars of it, 2 of which I gave away and 1 of which is already gone because I emptied it out over frozen yogurt and greek yogurt.
So damn good. Nice going Llama Spit. You rule.
Might be worth doing on a cold winter evening to warm your house up with oven heat (and make it smell good)!
The key to getting them crispy: leave them in the oven after they are done cooking until the apples and the oven are completely cool. Don’t open the oven. This is the time where they crisp up, so if you take them out warm they are gonna be chewy.
The best part of this post is the “Three Fucking Hours” in script font. That made me LOL. They do sound delicious, though. Maybe if I am suddenly super ambitious and can locate my food dehydrator, I can make them in that.
I have an old (circa 1967) food dehydrator. The ONLY reason I keep it around is for dehydrating apples. I have an apple corer someone gave me, so it goes super quick. You can core the apples and slice them (and peel them if you want) all at the same time. They come out really thin… and I let them bake in the dehydrator overnight. And you’re right… the smell is probably the best part! I love them crunchy, so I cook them a good long time.
thanks….just remember I have a dehydrator…somebody gave me….. as a Christmas present…GREAT!!!…..all I have to do is locate it……..in the garage………………? so tomorrow is the day…..will let you know….
Is it just me, or does that last picture look like a flattened doughnut disaster? Flattened doughnuts would probably be tastier. Mmmmm, doughnuts. (in the Homer Simpson voice)
I tried these earlier this summer (from a different blog, but basically the same thing. I mean, it’s not that complicated so how much different could it possibly be anyway, right?) and I left them in the oven for like, seriously…about 4 hours because every time I checked them they still felt too chewy. I ended up cranking the oven up to about 300 for 20 mins or so before I finally gave up and pulled them out and just left them sitting on the counter for a while because I was so pissed at how long I had wasted on it. Came back after a while and whaddya know…once they had cooled down they were kinda crispy and pretty stinkin’ delicious (and got eaten up way too damn fast for something that took so long to make…which means they haven’t been and probably won’t be made again anytime in the foreseeable future. I wasted most of a Saturday on these suckers and they were gone in 2 days.)
I’m pretty sure that my bff’s mom made something like this when we were kids and they never got crispy. Kinda chewy. I considered them more like fruit roll-up cousins owing to the chewy-ness, and LOVED them. Pinterest lies. They’re never gonna get crispy. Wanna know something else? I made homemade fruit snacks this week and they not only looked like chopped balogna, but they tasted like shit. Homemade sucks.
I do them in my dehydrator and that makes them crispy but it takes Even Fucking Longer (please imagine that in script font). Also dehydrating fruit (which is essentially what you’re doing when you bake it) concentrates the sugar because you’re just taking out the water so I find that most fruit never needs ANY sugar when done that way.
At this point? Make a damn apple pie. Takes less time and about three hundred percent more delicious. Also, I am a spaz and a paper cut makes me want to go to the ER, I would lose like a whole fist.
I’m always happy when you try something that looks like something I may have wanted to try one day. Especially when it fails. Because then I can go “Eh, it wouldn’t work anyway.” and go back to watching TV.
I make these often with my kiddos. The key to them getting crispy is making sure the apples are sliced very thinly. I use a mandoline with about a 1/8- 1/16th of an inch setting. I sprinkle them with cinnamon sugar because I think the just cinnamon tastes bitter after it bakes in the oven. You can also sprinkle with jello powder for fruity flavors. Finally, I core the apples before I slice them and I don’t worry too much if there’s a little bit of the seed casings, you can’t tell when they’re baked.
The quick way to tell if they’re going to get crispy or not is I pull one slice or a piece of a slice out of the oven and set it on the counter for 5 min. It will be limp when you take it from the oven but it will firm up if it’s ready (that’s what she said).
Girl, you gotta get yourself an apple peeler/corer/slicer! It would be soooo much easier and faster (and it works with potatoes too!!) But, it would still take Three Fucking Hours to bake. That sucks.
I have a single lonely delicious apple here and I think I’ll attempt this tomorrow. This is my kind of cooking/baking. I have a sign here that reads: If you are what you eat then I’m easy, fast and cheap. Describes me to a T. Keep up the testing – that way I don’t have to do it.
Look, slice the fuckers and put in a bowl with cinnamon and sugar (stevia, nutmeg, allspice, whatever) and put in the microwave for 1 1/2 – 2 minutes. Now eat the deliciousness.
Interesting twist on a cock ring.
I ALMOST made a cock ring joke and then thought, “No, too far.” Glad someone else did it for me. 😉
It’s NEVER TOO FAR.
You are very welcome.
Seriously..I didn’t even think about a cock ring. All I thought of was those apple rings and my mouth.
Hrm….
You could have used the ball part of the cookie cutter twice over to get the desired “hole” effect 😉
She could have shoved said penis cookie cutter into the apple holes for a better effect. For THREE hours.
Half the apples then remove the core with a melon baller … learned that from Martha. Glad she taught me something other than insider trading.
tadaaa http://www.amazon.com/Farberware-5080416-Classic-Apple-Corer/dp/B005NKJWKQ/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1384534544&sr=8-7&keywords=apple+corer I love my apple corer, no more faffing around (just watch your thumbs!)
Soooooo how long do you have to bake these….? Lol!
We have a dehydrator and I’m eating apple chips right now. They’re delicious. Screw the oven, get a dehydrator. Core, slice, soak in a citric acid/sugar/water solution for a minute and dry. Crispy and awesome.