Novels, Gas, and Potty Talk

1 Posted by - November 6, 2012 - Pinteste Round-ups

Pintestes, I am attempting NaNoWriMo this year and it is kicking my butt. The thing is, when you start off as a writer, then switch to blogging for a living, and then try to go back to writing novels, you realize that novels are hard, man. In any case, I am WAY behind, but it’s not too late for me to catch up… I think.

This has nothing to do with Pintester, really, except that you all should probably know I do things other than fuck up crafts all by my lonesome all day long. I do occasionally make up weird stories in my head and write them down and then expect other people to want to pay to read them. And sometimes I even put on pants and go out to see other writers. Sometimes. Ok, rarely.

Also, I do now officially apologize for not putting up a post yesterday. I had really bad gas. That is my actual excuse.

Anyway, on to your brilliance from this week.

From the eyes in the bushes post (with extra penis plate craft):

Christine G Step One: draw a dick on a plate; Step Two: hide the plate in a pile; Step Three…um, profit!!

Bonus points for putting the Dick In A Box song in my head.

I hereby apologize for my cocknails gaffe. Club soda doesn’t glow under a black light, apparently. Tonic water does. See what happens when I’m too lazy to go buy a black light and find out if stuff I read is actually true? In any case, you all were kind about it and I appreciate that.

JoyLuVasquez Cocknails made me think of a really bad, extremely painful STD a man gets from getting too many handies….. Doubt such a thing exists but you never know!

Well… now I have an idea for a logo graphic. Not for the faint of heart.

godkina I’m ashamed that I’m the first to comment on this, I kinda expected more from my fellow Pintestes ….. What is with the bad Porn music?? (Cause there’s a good porn music?!)  Were they shooting a scene in the background as you made your Tom Collins and did your nails? Is that “Normal” in your world?

Indeed, more than one of you commented on the porny background music. Dudes, I was trying to be like Grace. But I was less subtle. Her background music is cute. Apparently mine is just mustache-creepy.

BB Brown Cocknails…hehe, hehe. You now have me trying to make new words using variations of other words that involve the word cock, ya know, since I do just about everything with assistance from cocktails…hmm, working out with cocktails? Cocksweat. Laundry and cocktails? Cocksock. If you need me, I’ll be here, giggling like a total weirdo and making up cock-words.

Shit, you guys. It could be like a whole series.

jopen I just watched this with Neve. Her comments were, “Oh! Puppy!” And “Uh-oh. Auntie burp.”

And this is why my older nieces and nephews can never know what Auntie does for a living…

In the labia-shaped soap department, we also talked about penis-shaped soap. Because we are that mature.

SarahKruse I totally have a penis shaped cookie cutter. Just imagine that in the guest bathroom. So clean, yet so dirty.


Several of you noticed the Squatty Potty ad over in my sidebar. Yes, Squatty Potty is a real thing. Yes, they actually paid me to advertise on this site. (And, yes, they have the most excellent marketing video I have ever seen, completed with ploop and poot sound effects.)

You, Pintestes, are the reason advertisers of toilet products are targeting this blog. Ok, well, maybe partly me. But mostly you, with your love and acceptance of private parts and poop jokes. Excellent job. Excellent. Now go forth and buy a stool that improves your stool. (Hey Squatty Potty– I was a marketer in a past career. Can’t you tell? Anyway, you can have that tagline for free.)


  • Pintester November 6, 2012 - 9:27 am Reply

    Also, there are TWO typos in the Squatty Potty ad. They definitely need to hire me. 😉 I could have a new career in poo marketing.

    • pharmd2012 November 6, 2012 - 1:37 pm Reply

      Pintester Ah, it’s ok. The kick-ass name totally makes up for the typos!

  • KatrishaMicks November 6, 2012 - 9:42 am Reply

    Um…wouldn’t a footstool from walmart do the trick for the squatty potty?

    • cjsiders November 6, 2012 - 11:12 am Reply

      KatrishaMicks I’ve had hemorrhoids and dislocated tailbone for the last 2 years because of childbirth and I attempted to use a footstool + leaning forward because I was also foolish enough to think that it would work just as well. Finally got ahold of an actual Squatty Potty and pooping is a dream. I actually miss it when I travel. It is sooo worthwhile.

  • edder November 6, 2012 - 10:27 am Reply

    My 10-week old kitten LOVED the video. We watched it together, absolutely enthralled by the vivid graphics and poopy sound effects. I may just put it on a loop and let her watch it again when she needs something to do instead of shredding the drapes and chewing the edge of the lampshade in the bedroom

  • Leauxra November 6, 2012 - 11:07 am Reply

    I just like saying Squatty Potty.  SQUATTY POTTY SQUATTY POTTY SQUATTY POTTY.
    Guess I better stop before someone calls security.Also: Hells yeah on the NaNoWriMo.  I am also participating, and freaking WINNING.  I expect to see you at my book signing.

  • UnfitParent November 6, 2012 - 11:22 am Reply

    I’ve always felt that I’d been pooping incorrectly. It just sucks that I had to do it so wrong for so long. 🙁
    I’m just going to make the kids be my pooping footstool when they’re bad. I have better things to spend my money on.  Like wine.  And Prozac.

    • godkina November 6, 2012 - 11:42 am Reply

      UnfitParent Now THIS comment should be on next Tuesdays’ round-up… well said.

  • SavK November 6, 2012 - 1:17 pm Reply

    I want to “fell” lighter, cleaner, “healtier,” but the lack of proofreading makes me question their pooping prowess as well.

    • pharmd2012 November 6, 2012 - 1:37 pm Reply

      SavK Um, it says “healhtier.” Get it right…or wrong, in this case! J/k.

  • inkgrrl November 6, 2012 - 2:12 pm Reply

    Aww, come sit next to me. I’m way behind with NaNo as well. But my reasons aren’t as much fun as yours 😉

  • Truffles8761 November 6, 2012 - 6:57 pm Reply

    I potty squattied in the woods once and got poison ivy.

  • JRMomma November 6, 2012 - 10:27 pm Reply

    Healthier is spelled wrong in the Squatty Potty ad. I love your site! Always makes me laugh. Thank you!!

  • alexastripe6 November 6, 2012 - 10:32 pm Reply

    I think that Squatty Potty needs to learn how to spell. Smh. Also, your poop/penis jokes make my life complete. So thank you. (:

  • Christine G November 6, 2012 - 11:02 pm Reply

    “I had really bad gas. That is my actual excuse.”  I really, really needed these good laughs tonight – too much election day tension has now been released, not unlike your terrible gas pressures, I hope. Carry on! 
    (Approved by Pintester/Pintestee 2016)

  • ZoeFeast November 6, 2012 - 11:02 pm Reply

    Oh my not only do you have the entertaining Squatty Potty but also the a rolling Amazon ad for British sweets, crunchies, and turkish delight…Yum. So with your love of all things toilet related I was wondering if you would like to review an excellent toilet humor book, Bison’s Journal. It is a collection of stories and observation of subjects best not discussed at the dinner table. I think you will love it. I didn’t write it but I have illustrated it. It has a story about an Indian toilet experience 
    For a quick peak you can do the view inside thing on Amazon and if you would like to see more I can send you the whole ebook or paperback if you’d prefer

  • SarahNwranskiStevenson November 7, 2012 - 1:17 am Reply

    f*ck the “Squatty Potty.” I’m going with the “Stool Stool.”

  • CrystalKYuhhyzaguirre November 7, 2012 - 5:27 am Reply

    you coud just like bend over. like lower your body instead of raising your legs and save 35 bucks for what is essentially a footrest for while you shit.
    Or one time i read that if you’re constipated you should squat. Just make sure not to slip bc you’ll fall in the toilet. And be prepared for the splash.

    • J January 26, 2013 - 3:02 pm Reply

      I grew up in Hong Kong and would regularly be disgusted at the dirty shoe marks on public toilet seats. Hooray for learning how to hover-pee.

  • RheaCamilleriJordan November 7, 2012 - 6:42 am Reply

    Okay, I’m dyin here. Did you call us pinTESTES at the end on purpose? Hysterical!

  • Kellitor November 7, 2012 - 8:47 am Reply

    If you haven’t made an account yet, you should go to the NaNoWriMo official website and make an account. Almost every region has a chatroom where you can participate in word wars, and they are crazy helpful. You can just sit there and brainstorm too. It’s awesome, good luck! I’m at 13k on my novel and I’d be more than willing to help you. My Nano name is Kellitor.

  • Panya November 7, 2012 - 6:07 pm Reply

    I just use a $5 folding step-stool from the store… Unless the Squatty Potty has magical bowel-eliminating powers to help me take a crap, I think I’ll pass.

  • HeatherBunchWilliams November 7, 2012 - 7:52 pm Reply

    I am seriously considering this as a Christmas gift for Hubby. What says Happy Birthday Jesus better than a relaxed poop?

    • ZoeFeast November 7, 2012 - 10:42 pm Reply

      HeatherBunchWilliams Buy him Mr Bison’s Journal too…there is a link and pic a few comments down. It is the perfect book for reading on the throne, bog, lav, potty..what ever you want to call it. It might make him laugh so much his stools will come flying out

  • ChrissySparklesCoombes November 7, 2012 - 8:37 pm Reply

    I have been using a stool to poop with since my child (nearly 8) was potty training and left his stool in the way and I was too lazy to move it. Best laziness discovery EVER.

  • rjeffers83 November 7, 2012 - 8:57 pm Reply

    Whoever made that ad is a shitty speller.  Get it?  I think I’ll keep my $35 and make my BM’s the way I always have; with my feel planted on the bathroom floor while reading a smutty gossip magazine.  The Kardashians are my own personal stool softener.

    • Midnite79 October 4, 2013 - 10:43 am Reply

      I know that you posted your comment a long time ago, and you’ll probably never see this, but you made such a funny I spit my coffee out 🙂 so thanks for that. Oh, and also- You Win the Internet! We’re done, it can be shut down now.

  • Truffles8761 November 7, 2012 - 8:57 pm Reply

    I have to wonder if the Pintestes are in need of more fiber.

  • DreadPirateRachel November 7, 2012 - 9:32 pm Reply

    I’m allegedly doing NaNoWriMo as well, and I suspect I’m going to fail spectacularly.

  • ThisSillyGirlsLife November 9, 2012 - 11:10 am Reply

    LOL< once again I love these comment round ups!

  • IvaLeslieFloyd November 10, 2012 - 10:10 pm Reply

    Good luck on your novel-in-a-month! I completed one back in 2008. It was fun and exhilarating  However, the novel itself is still in my laptop bag waiting to be edited. I need an edit-a-novel-in-a-month contest!

  • Jodee Rose November 20, 2012 - 6:42 pm Reply

    I thought, with your gas, you might enjoy and relate to this comic I drew.

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