I bought a box of Ritz crackers and a bag of Rolos a week or two ago because I knew I was going to do this pin for Rolo stuffed Ritz crackers.
Image from Something Swanky (When I saw the URL, I thought it was Something’s Wanky… that could be the subtitle of THIS blog, though.)
When I went to the cabinet this morning, this is how many Ritz crackers were left.
It’s possible that I have a Ritz-pilfering house elf, but it’s more likely that my husband found them and ate them all.
I did manage to hold on to most of the Rolos… although I may have had 7 of them for breakfast this morning. (What? 7 is one serving. No judging.)
I feel like a dumbass posting process pictures of this because, come on, guys, all I’m doing is putting a Rolo on a Ritz and melting it.
The original post didn’t say how long to leave them in the oven, but mine were in there for about 8 minutes.
Another cracker on top, and done. My kind of baking.
Lest ye think these turned out perfectly, because how could they not, I shall once again demonstrate that I am capable of fucking anything up. A couple of them spooged caramel.
Even still, I would say that they generally looked like the original.
I was sort of expecting them to taste like something greater than the sum of Ritz and Rolos, but they didn’t really. I would have preferred a higher Rolos-to-Ritz ratio, actually. They were a little bit too salty for me. (You like all the math in that paragraph? Yeah buddy.)
But, hey, if you’re a useless-sack-of-dicks type of person in the kitchen, like me, this one might be good to keep in your file.
44 Comments
You never know when PMS will come along and leave you with a mad craving for this unholy alliance of cracker and chocolate caramel spooge.
Good call. And with the general marshmallow theme going on in other comments it could be a S’more-ish thing too. How fab!
When I was younger I would eat marshmallow stuffed ritz crackers. Imagine that spooge scene.
You mean to say, with all that spooging, it was just too salty for you? Well, maybe if it had marshmallow and was a whiter cream…
Or, mayhap it just needs to be washed before you put it in your mouth. Ballsweat ain’t good, menfolk! IT AIN’T GOOD!
Lmao the ad today at the top of the page is saying “curb your craving for alcohol” me thinks there is a lack of appreciation for your cocknails!
Mine is for equifax. How boring. On the bright side, we can still get those miley cyrus sex tapes from the ad on the side!
Damn ad blockers, spoiling my fun.
Maybe if it were between 2 cookies instead, and substituting some G&T for the Rolo’s. Win-win, right there!
Oreos! Heck yeah! Oreos and rolos! Call it Rorleos!
Oreo-LO.
Roloreos.
Areolas? I mean oreolos? (What?)
You win!
YOLO-RE-OLOS! You only live once oreo rolos.
Roleos
Made these for dessert at the homeless shelter…used the Wallmart version of rolos. Less unwrapping and a bigger piece of candy. They were really good! At least the homeless folks thought so!
You say “useless sack of dicks” as though a sack of dicks would be useless… I guess in the kitchen they might be 😉
dicks are never useless. especially not in the kitchen! 😉
I would have to say that it depends on the condition of the dicks. Are they flacid? Because the only real use a flacid dick has is the spewing of urine all around the toilet. (And maybe a hearty giggle. Proof God has a sense of humor.) Now a bag of erect dicks is another story. Stand 4 on their base and viola, you have a stand for you serving platter. I am sure there are more great uses for an erect penis in the penis in the kitchen, besides the obvious “on the kitchen table” scenario.
perhaps displayed artfully in a vase as a nice centerpiece.
Dip ’em in Chocolate, it would help even the sweet-to-Ritz ratio.
You may have cooked them too long. Generally 2 – 5 minutes is enough time to soften the chocolate. (okay I make a lot of candy at Christmas and one of the favorites is rolos and pretzels). I think I prefer peanut butter on my ritz. You gonna do the PB/Ritz/Dipped in Chocolate thingies? That way you can feed your Ritz elf some more.
When I was younger I would make homemade thin mints. Melt chocolate, add mint extract and dip Ritz crackers into it. Taste really similar to the original. I bet the Rolo/Ritz combo would be good dipped in chocolate!
yeah, I hopped on here to share that. Dipping these in/drizzling these with chocolate would help cut the saltiness.
This looks like cum oozing out of crackers. Delish!
I can have the worst day in the world and then I get on Pintester and my day becomes excellent, your witty use or words and corny puns make life worth living because I know that I can go home and try something on pinterest and hey, if it turns out wrong at least I can have the can-do attitude that you have. Thank you for being you, you truly are an inspiration!
Aw, thank you, sweetness! Comments like yours make my day!
tried this with pretzels instead of crackers and it was pretty darn good
if all spooge were caramel flavored i’d be the fattest woman alive, but think how happy my fiance would be!
and even though someone beat me to it i have to say that i would never call a bag of dicks useless. especially if this whole caramel spooge thing happens
you know what else is salty? sacks of dicks.
Only after they have been shaken…
Chocolaty, buttery, trans fat deliciousness.
I think the oozing spooge had to do with pulling out at the wrong time. (What? Out of the oven! Get your ind out of the gutter…)
OMG That is the BEST EVER last sentence in a blog post! Like Ever! Seriously! Love it!
Hehe. You said spooged.
I find that the pretzel/rolo/pecan combination has a more pleasant sweet to salty ratio. Or the pretzel/kiss/m&m is also a good. choice.
Its better with pretzels.
I like the ones with pecans that resemble little vaginas. I just can’t bring myself to eat them though.
[…] for the rest of the day. I barely move from the couch, getting up only to stuff my face with Rolos occasionally. I also write some, but you know. Writing involves sitting and moving only the muscles […]
Totally dip them in chocolate!
[…] operations have not gone according to plan. Also, you will note from previous entries that I am a useless sack of dicks in the kitchen, and precision is my baking […]
[…] B) that I couldn’t fail too badly at, because, quite frankly, if I failed at melting a Rolo in between 2 Ritz crackers, I’d have to hand in every Girl Scout badge I ever earned. And I’ve definitely had some […]
I know i’m four months late to this, but my grandmother makes these amazing Ritz cracker cookies. She makes a million Ritz cracker/peanut butter sandwiches and then dips them in melted chocolate. When i was in college, all i wanted in my care packages was Ritz cracker cookies. Practically perfect in every way.